Social Question

Coting's avatar

Will going out with someone who goes out drinking a few times a week work out?

Asked by Coting (371points) February 17th, 2010

I’ve been asked out by a lot of guys recently, almost all of them a main part of their lives is going out drinking with friends. Now I never go out drinking and I think I’ll be slightly ostracised if I started going out with these people. Almost all of their socialising is done when out drinking with friends.
It looks like most of them only really go to college or work then go out drinking a few times a week. Do you think this will cause strain within a relationship, them going out drinking a few times a week and me not?

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22 Answers

Cruiser's avatar

Sounds like it’s not your cup of tea…I would find a group of people that don’t have to hit the bars to socialize especially if your other friends would frown on you mingling with the brew crew.

Coting's avatar

There’a been many lads I like but when I know they go out drinking I just can’t date them

theichibun's avatar

I’m usually the one who’s not drinking when our friends go out. And let me tell you, messing with drunk people is so much fun. Go and try it out. You shouldn’t write the guy off just because of this.

Aethelwine's avatar

It is all up to you. If you don’t mind, then it won’t be a problem. If it bothers you and you criticize him for it, it will just cause problems. You may want to find someone that has similar interests.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

It’s a serious fundamental difference if it continues with the same frequency after you start dating. It will definitely cause problems if you resent it. It’s very expensive to go out with frequency, and can be a big money drain. Can he afford to spend the $200+ a month that going out regularly entails?

On the other hand, lots of guys go out because they don’t have a girlfriend and anything else to do. I know a number of guys that go out regularly and always have. They are just hanging out with friends, playing pool, shooting the breeze. Nothing else goes on. Their wives are home with the kids, or doing their own thing.

Val123's avatar

I find it odd that it would seem to be a “normal” thing to go out drinking several times a week… me, that kind of sounds like a problem.

Well. I guess, if you dated someone like that, you might find your self taking a back seat to his “socializing”

Sophief's avatar

Do you want it to work? Is there anything to work out?

marinelife's avatar

It does not sound like a good fit. When people go out drinking that much, it does not leave much time to do anything else or have any other interests.

jbfletcherfan's avatar

You’re uncomfortable with this, or you wouldn’t have asked. And rightly so. Like @marinelife said, this isn’t a good fit for you. And you’re never going to change him, so forget that idea. I’d say find someone who’s lifestyle is closer to your’s.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

Not for me,it wouldn’t.I wouldn’t waste your time.

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

Probably not unless the guy does this because he hasn’t had a date to spend time with and he’s the kind to prefer date time to hanging-out-with-the-boys-drinking time. You’d have to go out with him a few times to see if the two of you have enough interest to want to re focus extracurricular time. If he’s not had gf’s then he probably couldn’t honestly tell you up front what his habits are when coupled.

thriftymaid's avatar

Probably not.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I wouldn’t, no.

funkdaddy's avatar

Shared experiences are the basis for friendship. For young guys a lot of those experiences tend to involve both “going out” and “drinking”, it doesn’t mean one is the purpose of the other. Usually the best parts are what happens in between and the connections you make.

Most people who go out often are extroverted and love meeting new people, not exactly the type who want to ostracize you intentionally. If you’re uncomfortable with it, that’s absolutely fine, but it shouldn’t be because you think people will judge you. Negative, judgmental people are everywhere.

If going out isn’t your scene then get to know the guy doing something else that you can both enjoy. Isn’t that the whole point? If you’re three months in to a relationship and it’s a problem, deal with it then but remember, he is asking you to go out. Be confident that you are someone they feel is worth the time to get to know better. Set terms you’re comfortable with and then have a great time.

CyanoticWasp's avatar

You could always learn to drink. It ain’ no thang.

ninjacolin's avatar

Well, I’m someone who goes out drinking with friends usually once a week (at least). It’s not any sort of a bad thing. It’s just a thing some people do. Myself, I hate board games. So, how else am I suppose to meet with friends?

Going out drinking at a pub is just something people do to keep in touch with their friends. When you go out, you end up seeing many random people who you haven’t called in years (or perhaps ever) and you get to find out what they’re doing with themselves, establish new business relations, get ideas on the best movies to see from trusted people, hear about the outrageous going-ons in an otherwise mundane existence.. and most importantly you get a chance to create new memories with these people, bonding you closer together. (hey, one day you’re gonna need to borrow someone’s truck and having these memories together will allow that to happen effortlessly and happily)

In my observation, people who drink are people who like other people for people-sake. They enjoy conversation, they enjoy people watching, they enjoy hearing laughter, having laughter with friends. Meeting new people, reconnecting with old people. They enjoy the different taste of beers and wines. These beverages are extremely enjoyable once you figure out the complexity of their flavors. Every pub serves a different Poutine or Plate of Nachos. A lot of pubs have exceptional cooks who don’t realize exactly how good they are. They’ll make you sandwiches of unbelievable calibre! Or lasagnas or various entrees and what have you. People who go out drinking are people who enjoy letting life take them on adventures.

Drinking culture isn’t bad, it’s just an option. To me, it’s been a very good option. I continue to enjoy it even though I don’t get drunk every time. Getting drunk isn’t the goal for most people who go out drinking. People who drink to get drunk only may have a problem or else they are simply inexperienced with alcohol. You can go out with them and not drink if you want. Many of my friends do.

There’s nothing to fear. I say, enjoy it.

Val123's avatar

@ninjacolin But she said they go out a “few times” a week. That’s what stopped me. I mean, there are only 7 days in the week. Do they go out 4 nights out of the 7, or what?

ninjacolin's avatar

A group of people who do a lot of going out means that they have found a lot of fun to do out. As long as they are getting excellent grades in school and as long as they can afford it monetarily and health-wise, then why not? The only reason people do anything is because they consider it to be a worthwhile usage of their time.

Hence, maybe they are bored if they stay home. Maybe the majority of the group are single and looking for someone to show them what else they could be doing with their time. ;) This new boy-toy of hers may be needed for moral support of the other single people who haven’t been as lucky. Sometimes it’s just a matter that a certain amazing chemistry has been made where a group of friends all really enjoy hanging out together, ritualistically having a good time. Especially if one of their best friends owns the bar or pub they drink at, sine that person has to work, the others hang out there as a default location so the owner doesn’t have to be left out.

There’s all kinds of reasons that could come up. Find out if alcoholism is involved. If it is, I would suggest addressing it rather than dumping someone over it.

Also, there is such a character as a “home-body.” Someone who just doesn’t like hanging out. They prefer the company of their family or roommates at home. While people who go out prefer the company of the friends they don’t share bathroom sinks with.

YARNLADY's avatar

My non-drinking grandson hangs out with a drinking crowd. They love to have him along as the designated driver. He drinks ‘virgin’ drinks, the same thing as cocktails, only without the liquor. Most bars serve them free to designated drivers.

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

I would choose to associate with people whose favourite activities match mine.

ninjacolin's avatar

yea, i agree with @Dr_Lawrence too. ^ it is just an option. but it’s not something you have to do under duress. dabble if it interests you to be interested in his way of life, but you don’t have to fully adopt his way of life.. but at the same time, you can learn to fully adopt it if you want. and that’s the whole point.. you really can do whatever you want.

jo_with_no_space's avatar

Depends if you can find anything else to do with them that interests them, such as cinema, theatre, galleries, etc? If you could date on that basis, then by all means, try. If literally their only interestds are drinking and clubbing, and you can’t find any common ground regarding interests, then I think it’s best to go your separate ways.

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