Social Question

crazyandbeautiful's avatar

Why are some men such jerks?

Asked by crazyandbeautiful (551points) February 18th, 2010

I met someone from one of those dating websites. He asked me if I had an IM (instant messenger). I emailed him back saying I did. We talked the other night and he was a real jerk on IM. Why is it some men are such jerks to women? Why must they act that way?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

66 Answers

MrGV's avatar

Maybe its true that some guys believe it’s the bad boys that gets the girls. lol

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

There are plenty of female jerks too.You had no clues that would lead you to believe there was something wrong with him?

SeventhSense's avatar

Why do some women pretend to be Angelina Jolie?

njnyjobs's avatar

Because it’s just the way of the world… there are jerks as well as gentlemen and everything in between. It’s not exclusive to men either. If you’re trolling dating websites and expecting to meet Mr. Right the first time out, then there must be some unresolved issues that you may not be aware of that needs attention as well.

@SeventhSense and check out the fluther name…

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

not specific to guys..

jeffgoldblumsprivatefacilities's avatar

I imagine the anonymity of an IM conversation (as opposed to speaking face to face) had a lot to do with the way he acted. It’s probably a lot easier to be a jerk if you don’t have to witness the reaction of the other person involved. If you are looking for a guy who’s not gonna act like a jerk, you should try for a real-world interaction as opposed to an internet one.

Jerks come in all forms.

Sarcasm's avatar

Because we’re just so frustrated that women are never jerks.

Silhouette's avatar

My question is why are you surprised? There are millions of jerks out there. Men, women,girls, boys and they are jerks for millions of different reasons.

wundayatta's avatar

Maybe it gets them what they want?

Anyway, I can speculate until I’m blue in the face. You need to talk to him to find out what his thinking was.

tedibear's avatar

It could be for any number of reasons: mental illness, fear, depression, or he’s just flat out a jerk. It happens. Likely he has gotten away with being a jerk for a long time and has had no reason to change his ways. It’s so hard to know with a specific person without knowing them.

In turn, why are some women such bitches? Or needy crybabies? Or ditzes?

I hope you find someone better!

CMaz's avatar

Because some men are jerks.

Just_Justine's avatar

I think some “people” are just jerks. I think the term jerk is not only a male domain.

I was with a woman for 8 years, and at work everyone thought I was in a straight relationship. I would moan about “him” at work. Or say why would he do that? To which they would answer “well men are jerks you know what do you expect?”

Makes you think.

Vunessuh's avatar

Why are men such jerks? Because they’re men.
Why are women such bitches? Because they’re women.

Case closed.
Next question.

kevbo's avatar

Could have been a troll. The 4chan people have done that kind of thing in the past.

marinelife's avatar

Some women are such jerks too. Some people are just jerks.

CMaz's avatar

“Some women are such jerks too. Some people are just jerks.”

And then we all jerk off.

Cruiser's avatar

Maybe he was having a bad day. Even I can mess up in the nice department on a bad day. Men’s brains are very one track task oriented and he just may have had something on his mind and left his nice bag at the door. Was he nice before?

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

I assume that you mean men who are self-centred, insensitive, crude and dishonest.

Men who are intimidated with real intimacy, who are scared to be discovered to be less confident and /or competent than they present themselves and who fear having to be responsible for their impact on the feelings of others seem to be most likely to act like jerks. It keeps others at a distance, off their guard and lower what others expect of them.

As men mature, some overcome their fears and abandon they childish behaviours.

I suspect that comparable behaviors in females are based on fears of rejection, abandonment or neglect or just plain not being taken seriously and treated as an equal.

Just_Justine's avatar

p.s. never IM with a stranger

Sophief's avatar

wait for it!

crazyandbeautiful's avatar

I am not saying I am perfect. But he could of been a little nicer and not so rude when typing to me. One of his answers to me was “Is this the worst you can think of to say to me”? Hello? I just got out of a relationship a 2 months ago and someone told me about this website. Thought I would give it a try. Never thought I would meet someone so rude.

willbrawn's avatar

jerks existed because everything have there opposites. When you meet the nice guy you’ll appreciate him more.

Jude's avatar

@crazyandbeautiful you just stumbled upon some loser on a dating site. Carry on..

dpworkin's avatar

I have a theory that there is a certain kind of man who doesn’t really like women. He wants women, he needs their companionship, he is attracted to them, but he’d rather hang out with men, and he doesn’t know what to say to a woman.

Wait for a guy who loves to go shoe-shopping with you, instead of bitching about it, and who would rather watch figure skating with you than football all alone. You know, someone who likes you, the way your women friends like you.

CMaz's avatar

“I have a theory that there is a certain kind of man who doesn’t really like women. He wants women,” Yes

They are called cavemen. And, they exist here today.

crazyandbeautiful's avatar

@dpworkin i had one of those but he chose not to marry me after along time so he thought about it and made his mind up after being with me for many years. and well i have moved on but did find someone else. but…he found someone before I could tell him how I felt. Darn.

HGl3ee's avatar

Some men are jerks, some women are bitches.. why? who cares, I just stay the heck away from them!

Jude's avatar

The fella sounds as though he is emotionally immature and perhaps, socially inept.

There’s a good chance that he’s a bit of a loner.

That’s my guess.

TehRoflMobile's avatar

They’re human beings?

Trillian's avatar

Why is the sky blue? Why is water wet? I’ve met my share of men who are jerks. I’ve met my share of women who are c**ts. Whatt’re ya gonna do?

Val123's avatar

So easy a caveman can do it.

Adirondackwannabe's avatar

I can’t believe fluther sent me this question. I’ll address that later, after you guys unload on me. To answer your question, sometimes we put up a front to address our insecurities, or we think that’s what some women are expecting, and some of us are just plain jerks. Now I’m going to hide.

ucme's avatar

I can’t possibly answer this question,that avatar…drool..has me under it’s spell.

Kokoro's avatar

There could be a number of reasons. Their upbringing to be the Alpha male, a bad childhood, or simply their choice to be a jerk. It is the same for females. The best way to know if a guy is a jerk is to look at their behavior and characteristics. You can’t hide that.

EdMayhew's avatar

Um, hate to be a killjoy, but don’t you mean why are some people such jerks? It’s got nothing to do with his sex, he’s just a dickhead, like anybody can be.

Just out of curiosity, would I be one of classed as on of those jerky men if I posted a question saying “Why are some women such bitches?”, or maybe asked a generic question about an ethnic group or religious minority?

phil196662's avatar

@crazyandbeautiful ; sometimes people are not taught eticate and courtesy by there parents and then may not be aware they are really treating someone awful.

Val123's avatar

@phil196662 spell check….

phil196662's avatar

I know… I wasn’t in mozilla and I couldn’t think of the phonetic

phil196662's avatar

I checked it, I was too far off but it’s there! thanks!

Berserker's avatar

Why is anyone, be it man, woman, child or goat ever an asshole?

CMaz's avatar

DO NOT bring goats into this.

mattbrowne's avatar

Bad parenting.

SeventhSense's avatar

A guy who likes to go shoe shopping and watch figure skating? Well then she’s got a whole other problem. She met a gay man.

richardhenry's avatar

Why [sweeping generalization]? Some guy was a jerk to you. I’m not a jerk. Stop calling me a jerk. kthx.

SeventhSense's avatar

Do you like shoe shopping, figure skating and men?
not necessarily in that order

filmfann's avatar

Most guys want to IM so you can web cam yourself naked to him, while watching him stroke himself.
It is an insanely bad idea.
The good news is you found out he is a jerk without having to go out with him.

stevenelliottjr's avatar

Most people are jerks regardless of gender.

chyna's avatar

The real question is why you kept talking to him after realizing he was a jerk? How long did you keep up the IMing? If you didn’t cut it off immediately, he thought he could get away with it.

Haleth's avatar

@chyna good point!

Without knowing how the argument started, it’s hard to pinpoint why this guy acted like a jerk. It’s easier to be mean to someone you’ve just met, like a stranger over the internet, because you don’t have any relationship with them. It’s also a lot easier to be mean and pick up on someone’s perceived faults over the internet than face to face. And spending a lot of time online takes away from the time you spend with real people, which means a lot of people online have bad social skills. So jerks are all over the internet.

SeventhSense's avatar

100 bucks says she’s saying, “Why the fuck did I ask this question?”

evandad's avatar

Why does the phone always ring when you get in the shower?

Berserker's avatar

@SeventhSense Isn’t that what anyone here asks everytime someone answers anything. :D

crazyandbeautiful's avatar

no i am not sorry i asked this question. i just seem to meet the jerks of the world. yes woman can be bitches. like i said i am not perfect. i have my flaws. but he did not have to be extremely rude to me. if you truly want to get to know a person you go about it the right way. this guy will be single. i asked him ?s. maybe to him they were not fitting enough. i do not know. what i do know is if he keeps it up he will be alone for along time.

crazyandbeautiful's avatar

no doworkin he was not gay. thank you very much. i know that for a fact i spent 16 yrs with the man. and he cheated on me with another woman. so i doubt hes gay. i know that for a reason. no need to say why just do.

crazyandbeautiful's avatar

@richard i said some not all men are jerks. i did not call you a jerk now did i?

ucme's avatar

Okay this is’nt funny anymore.This was in my questions for you!! Now come on.Only kidding;¬}

stevenelliottjr's avatar

Maybe you shouldn’t be looking for love online. Seems to be a great place for perverts and weirdos or (jerks) to hang out. Seeking people out is almost a guarantee that you won’t find someone. When I stopped looking and caring is when I met my wife and we’ve been together for 5 years and have a beautiful son. Just a thought.

plethora's avatar

I won’t rehash all the reasons some guys might be jerks….and many are. But I will note that IM, in my experience, is an incredibly poor way to communicate with someone you dont know at all. The communication is so limited. Great for short stuff with people I know. Even texting is better for me, if I dont know the person.

chyna's avatar

@stevenelliottjr I swear I just want to puke when someone says “you will meet someone when you stop looking.” I know many, many people that do not look but want to meet someone and never have. No, there is not “someone for everyone” as people who have someone want to tell other people.

thriftymaid's avatar

They’re not all that way. There may be a disproportionate number on dating sites; I don’t know.

bob_'s avatar

We’re sorry.

chyna's avatar

@bob_ Thanks, we appreciate the apology for all man kind.

bob_'s avatar

@chyna I thought it was due.

Answer this question




to answer.
Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther