General Question

KurlZ's avatar

Im Bisexual but I come across very Straight. How can I make myself more approachable to women?

Asked by KurlZ (91points) February 19th, 2010

I just came out of the “closet” not too long ago as Bisexual but most people just assume I’m Straight so it’s hard for me to find a girl that I could connect with more than being just friends. I need some ideas on how I can make it more obvious or show girls that I’m interested in them.

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24 Answers

ucme's avatar

Tell them they look fabulous but they should wear their hair differently.

TexasDude's avatar

Try approaching them.

CMaz's avatar

Sweet! Tell us more.

Vunessuh's avatar

Go to a gay bar/club. You’ll have hundreds of women to approach and they’ll assume you are into women if you’re at the bar in the first place.

KurlZ's avatar


Well I would try that but I’m a shy person so it’s hard for me.

KurlZ's avatar


I’m 16. Are there any gay bars/clubs for all ages?

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

Why don’t you just make the first move instead of waiting for them to approach you?

stump's avatar

My first impulse was to make some wisecrack about porno movies, but I am restraining myself to try to give you a thoughtful answer.
I am a straight man, but have been approached by gay men several times. I never tried to attract gay men, but for some reason unknown to myself I give the impression that I might be gay. Every time It happened I was flattered, but told the person I was not interested. I have remained friends with a few of them. So don’t be afraid to ask. I went to school for and have worked in theatre, and I believe the arts tend to attract people who are open-minded individualists interested in new experiences. Perhaps you could get involved in an art project.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I am queer and am ‘read as straight’ because I’m married and have children. I am very forward though and if I am interested in a woman, she will know and my identity will be made known to her. Please don’t do anything to change yourself so that you’re ‘more visible’ – that’s not who you really are and that’ll only perpetuate the stereotype. You can put a little rainbow pin or something on your bag but it’s probably going to work better if you can find a community in your area like a local LGBT center and start hanging out there.

Vunessuh's avatar

@KurlZ Where I use to live, there were a few. Of course there was no alcohol or anything, but there were plenty of locations for teenagers to hang out and mingle with one another and a few of them were specifically for bisexual/gay teens. Try to look up some in your area. I can help you with that search if you want. Depending on where you live, it may be harder to find. I live in California so obviously we have places like that everywhere.

La_chica_gomela's avatar

If your school has a GLBT club, join it, or just go to a meeting or two.

KurlZ's avatar


I would but it’s hard for me because I’m a shy person.

KurlZ's avatar


I live in LA so I know they’re most likely out there but my parents aren’t so cool about me being who I am so they would never let me go. I think it would be easier to join a GLBT club.

davidbetterman's avatar

Buy them a drink @Vunessuh‘s gay bar.

Broken_Arrow's avatar

Dress as a man

Vunessuh's avatar

@KurlZ I live in LA too. There’s plenty of those places around. Not to mention way more than half the city is bisexual/gay so you could approach any female you want and probably get a date out of it. But I understand you’re shy. I think you need to work on your confidence. Confidence is key. Once you’ve built it up enough, you’ll be able to approach anyone you want. You also can’t fear rejection.
And I think you’re right. Join a club of some sort and surround yourself around people going through the same thing.

airowDee's avatar

wear a rainbow button or buttons that say something like “chicks are hot” or “I love the L word show”

Vunessuh's avatar

Something like this or this or this or this

This one is my personal favorite.

liminal's avatar

Here is a good site: . It can suggest some organizations in your area. The site also has a teen forum that is adult moderated (it tries to keep the pervs away, but you still want to check with your folks if you ever decide to meet up with anyone).

phoebusg's avatar

I have a friend who attracts every lesbian in the room, and she couldn’t be more straight. She dresses very classy yet provocative. You could try that. But best route is always communication :)

essieness's avatar

@Vunessuh Loving the last one.

Haleth's avatar

Join some GLBT organizations or clubs. When I was a teenager I was in SMYAL and my GSA. (Is it just me or does the gay scene have a ton of acronyms?) If you’re into music or activism, getting involved in those could also help. Then, no matter what image you’re projecting, it will be easier for you to talk to people. Most of the girls I’ve ever dated came from my social network- people I knew from school or work, friends, or friends of friends. As a bi girl, it’s a lot easier to meet guys because they tend to do all the work and approach you, even guys who are strangers. It’s hard to meet women in bars and clubs because everyone tends to stand around and stick to their friends.

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