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hungryhungryhortence's avatar

Do you ever jostle between understanding and acceptance?

Asked by hungryhungryhortence (12158points) February 19th, 2010

Understanding a situation, agreeing what is reasonable but not being able to embrace it/accept it or consistently keep yourself from acting out. Do you ever get frustrated with yourself and wish you’d learn more quickly or didn’t have to learn the hard way, etc.?

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15 Answers

Captain_Fantasy's avatar

It’s a process. Gotta roll with it and learn from missteps.

Merriment's avatar

Every day.

Usually for me the “interim” activity between understanding and embracing/accepting something is to be very still and take no irrevocable action. So I have less to regret in the way of “acting out”.

However, that is not to say that I don’t wish my uptake time were significantly shorter in many many areas of my life.

Yes I sometimes get frustrated with myself…but I also know that the length of processing time between understanding and acceptance is who I am and is part of the process by which I sort what I truly believe from what others wish I would.

ninjacolin's avatar

it’s like knowledge purgatory. beyond this step you are fully aware of what you must do and why. it is pleasant to exist in that state of full awareness but it’s challenging and reeks of defeat on both sides when you exist in this state of moral ambiguity.

as a person, you can gain awareness of what is “right” by trying to do “right” things and observing the short and long term results.

nebule's avatar

I think there are the two sides to situations and they have to be intermingled…
You have to accept whilst understanding…when the two meet I think that where the magic happens…and peace opens up.

My relationships are changing with people at the moment and it’s very uncomfortable and painful at times… but when I listen to my feelings and accept them the understanding rises through. Understanding doesn’t change the situation it just makes it bearable. It’s like the adult and the child working together… feeling the pain but logically seeing that the way through is to experience and accept the way things are.

BoBo1946's avatar

Wisdom is learning to accept your limitations and shortcomings. It has taken me a long time to learn to laugh at my stupidity.

philosopher's avatar

I did as an Adolescent. By thirty I became me. I remain opened mined but judgmental people have little affect on me. They make their viscous remarks and I laugh in their faces. No one can make me doubt my self anymore. I am a survivor; and I know many people would not have survived all that I have
I have played many roles but I am ultimately me. A sum total of my life experience and education.
When I am attacked these days; my inner strength sees the remarks as insignificant pebbles. I have become as tough as a rock and as flexible as a tree. I see through bullshit as I see through glass. I can do what judge Judy claims she can. A lesson learned from being alive.

Cruiser's avatar

I am a very quick learner no problem there but I am as stubborn as a horny bull moose and that gets me in trouble often times.

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

It was a hard process for me to learn to keep from expressing my feeling about things I could not change. Even now, if something angers me and there’s nothing I can do about it, I just put on a “stone face” and try to avoid hearing about it. If it’s a thing I’m ordered to do, I just carry out orders after stating my objections for the record. I can do this in knowledge that the superior will ultimately bear the consequences; I just try to minimize the damage from my portion of the required action.
The hardest thing is discerning what is within your control and what is not. If you err one way, you are a “troublemaker”, the other way you are “passive aggressive”.

wundayatta's avatar

This sounds like a very profound question. I don’t understand it, and there is very little that I have such trouble understanding. Maybe if I fumble around in the dark I might gain some understanding.

Acting out? I’m never sure what that means. Frustration? Learning the hard way?

I find myself acting out a lot these days. I never used to (I think). I always kept myself under control. I felt like I mostly understood my own motives.

But now I feel like a puppet. Either some part of myself is controlling me but that part is opaque to me. Or I’m self-destructive. Or, I’ve just given up on my superego and am letting myself do the shit I always wanted to do. I’ve lived my life being good, and that hasn’t made me happy. So fuck it. Let’s try something else. I guess I must be truly desperate.

But I don’t know if I understand. And what is acceptance, anyway? No, I think I’m too ignorant to answer this question. Maybe someone will write something I can understand.

hungryhungryhortence's avatar

@wundayatta: A typical scenario for me is the following I want to stop repeating but find myself still throwing tantrums over. My partner isn’t in the best of health and emotionally is kind of numb to me sometimes. I understand what all he has on his plate and yet because of my own insecurities and fears, I push for more emotion from a person who is trying to numb theirs. I should be backing off so I don’t give the man a heart attack from stress, I always say how much I want to help and not add to the stress but my selfishness is like I’ve never known it before.

wundayatta's avatar

Ah. Sounds similar to my problem. I’ve been reading about love addiction, and this sounds like it. They also talk a lot about codependency, which I don’t understand, but it seems like a very popular term. Anyway, I’m going to check out a love addiction 12 step group on Monday. I’ve never been to such a thing. Should be interesting.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

The hardest scenario I can think of is forgiveness. When a person tells me they’re sorry for whatever and I want the hurt to go away but the hurt keeps a grip on my guts.

ninjacolin's avatar

without talking about it too much.. i’d say determinism has a pretty good jostle to it. a lot of people find it very difficult to accept for a while but i’ve seen quite a few people convert from libertarianism to determinism. it’s an interesting thing to observe and to experience.

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