Social Question

jca's avatar

If I'm invited to a baby's christening, and then the party after at a restaurant, is it rude to just attend the party?

Asked by jca (35984points) February 23rd, 2010

i know when people are invited to wedding receptions, they may or may not attend the wedding, depending on time and a bunch of factors. i am invited to a friend’s son’s christening this weekend, and the party afterward at a restaurant. i am considering (actually planning) to attend just the party. i am wondering if this would be considered rude or not a big deal.

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20 Answers

Sampson's avatar

Call him and ask if it would bother him if you did that.

holden's avatar

I’m sure it would mean a lot to your friend if you were present at the christening.

Dr_C's avatar

I’d be a little offended.

Trillian's avatar

I’d think it was extremely rude, and if I didn’t see you at the christening, I’d not have a seat for you at the restaurant. Why can’t you go? Do you just not want to be bothered or do you have something going on?
Have you spoken to your friend about it?

holden's avatar

Unless there were a legitimate reason you could not attend the christening, it would probably be bad form to attend only the party.

JLeslie's avatar

I think with a wedding and a christening it might be considered rude. My sister-in-laws father’s side did not go to the church for her wedding, but showed up for the reception and to this day the family thinks it is horrible. I think possibly they did not attend because some Jews will not go inside other houses of worship, but I don’t really know what their reason was. So my question is why can’t you go to the church? If you just don’t want to be bothered, then it is rude. If you have a prior engagement, then explain that to the person who invited you, they will probably understand.

Typically, everyone goes to the religious ceremony, and maybe not everyone attends the party, not the other way around. Although, I personally would never not invite everyone to both.

Rarebear's avatar

I’m just smiling to myself because the opposite is true with me. I get invited to Bar Mitzvahs all the time. I go to the ceremonies but skip the parties. I can’t stand Bar Mitzvah parties.

Jeruba's avatar

I would consider it ill-mannered to attend a reception for a wedding or a luncheon for a christening or any other post-ceremony celebration if you did not attend the ceremony.

Cruiser's avatar

Just go to the party but bring a really cool gift and it will be no big deal.

frigate1985's avatar

If you somehow missed the christening and arrived at the party at the right time, it might make your friend think “this guy probably came to eat and run!” So my advice is that come a little late in the party or come at the last moment of christening cuz arriving at the moment the party starts is soooo conspicuous

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Why don’t you want to go? Perhaps the reason can help…

jca's avatar

i wasn’t going to go because i work all week, with a 3 hour total daily commute, and i am a single mother, so saturday my mom takes the baby, and saturday is the only day i can do laundry and whatever needs to get done. so that’s what i was going to do saturday morning, and go to the party in the afternoon. now, however, all your answers are making me think i should just go to both. so i am now planning to go to both.

PacificToast's avatar

Is it that you are going for free food? Or is it that it does not fit in your schedule to go?

jca's avatar

@PacificToast: my answer is above your post. i am not going for free food. i am not that desperate for food, and i am giving a generous gift ($100 for me and guest) so if i wanted cheap food this would hardly be the method to get it. nobody that would be attending a party like a christening party would be going without giving a gift, so it’s not free.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

I wouldn’t give it a second thought. Let the parents know that you have a conflict, but would love to join the party at the restaurant. Parents are usually too busy at the ceremony to take a head count as to who’s there and who isn’t.

susanc's avatar

I actually think that if you don’t have time to do both, you should go to the ceremony, not the party.

TheJoker's avatar

Well, it’s not really the thing to do is it…. I’d certainly think it rude, unless it was agreed in advance.

thriftymaid's avatar

Even if you don’t subscribe to the faith under which the Christening is performed, or any faith at all, attendance should be for both the ceremony and reception. The party is to celebrate the earlier event. Of course, if you are really close to the family of the baby you could just talk to them about it. Close friends sometimes get a pass.

JLeslie's avatar

I actually understand the desire to only go to the party part, because that is when you get to really interact with everyone. But, religious people generally think the ceremony is the most important part. Now, I realize that just because they are doing a Christening, doesn’t mean they are religious. My wedding was a religious ceremony, but the most important thing to me at the time, what I worried about for my guests, was the party afterwards. If someone had called me and said they had a conflict and would arrive late, missing the wedding, I would have been ok with it, UNLESS they had a habit of being the type of person who arrives late all of the time, or tends to eat and run. Then I would just think that is there MO, and they probably don’t have a conflict.

And, the gift makes it more ok, which probably some people think is awful to say. But, that example of my SIL’s wedding, they skipped the wedding, partied all night at the reception and didn’t give any gifts (which to this day is still hard for me to believe).

Strauss's avatar

I grew up Catholic and have four younger siblings. I don’t remember all their christenings, but I do remember my youngest sister’s, and also some of my nephews’ and nieces’ christenings. Because of space limitations in our small church, there was usually an expectation that there would be more people attending the celebration after the ceremony than would actually attend the christening.

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