Social Question

john65pennington's avatar

Would you have loaned this person $20.00?

Asked by john65pennington (29192points) February 23rd, 2010

I should have known better, being a police officer, but i loaned a friend of the family $20.00. it happened so fast and in front of my friends, that i acted before i thought. there were no conditions, concerning the loan. i just assumed she would pay me back the next night and that would be it. its two days later and still no $20.00 dollars returned to me. its not the money, its the principle of the situation. this family friend did ask me, “are you sure you do not want your $20.00 dollars back?”.i stated to her, “think about what you have just asked me” and i walked away. i never said to her that i did not want my money back. i expected to be paid back, just like i loaned her the money. is she attempting to use reverse psychology on me? if so, its not working. i am way ahead of her game. now, i have to make a decision. i can either call her bluff and confront her head-on and ask for my $20.00 dollars or i can give it a few more days to see what her next move will be. Question: should i confront her head-on now and point blank ask for my $20.00 back or should i give her a few more days to see if she really intends on paying back the money i loaned her?

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36 Answers

lillycoyote's avatar

My father told me never to loan anyone more than you could afford to lose. I have always followed his advice.

erichw1504's avatar

I wouldn’t have had $20 in the first place to give her, but yeah, I would just straight up ask her (if you feel comfortable enough).

davidbetterman's avatar

She said, “are you sure you do not want your $20.00 dollars back?”.i stated to her, “think about what you have just asked me” and i walked away.”

So you basically gave her the $20.

What’s your problem? Are you mad that you gave her $20?

It was a nice gesture. You shouldn’t be beating yourself up over 20 bucks. It ain’t worth it.

faye's avatar

Family friend you said, how good a friend? Can you make a joke of it to get it back? I’d have said I did want it back when she asked me if I didn’t, I think.

shpadoinkle_sue's avatar

I have done that, but I never really imagine people will pay me back. I always return loaned money do because people might expect it back. I would hint at it in a day or so that you expect a return of your 20.00. Let his person know that you would like it back. If they aren’t smart enough to get the hint, ask directly for a return and then never loan money to them again. :)

YARNLADY's avatar

It sounds like some kind nonsense game to say “think about what you have just asked me” and i walked away.” Why not just say “Yes, I want the money back, please.”?

I try to never lend money to anyone. When a family member asks me for a loan, I just tell them I will give them a gift and they shouldn’t worry about it.

The only time I did loan a family member some money, she did not pay it back, and I have often felt bad about that. I’d rather just have it over and done with.

lillycoyote's avatar

… and you’re a police officer, you’re not rich, but you make a decent living… I know times are tough for everyone, but is it really worth getting all this worked up over $20.00? Live and learn. Don’t lend her any more money and don’t lend anyone else money if you’re not absolutely certain they will pay it back. It will save you and everyone else a lot of grief.

SeventhSense's avatar

This question is making me laugh.
I tell you what. I’ll flip a coin to decide the outcome…heads I win tails you lose…fair enough?

Zen_Again's avatar

If it’s the principle and not the money, and I won’t even spend time reading the details for 20 bucks (sorry) – then I think it is the money and not the principle in your case – or you wouldn’t have written about it.

20 bucks should be just given no strings attached to pertty much anyone in need. Just say to return it when they can, forget about it, and eventually it either will or won’t. It’s 20 bucks that they needed, and you obviously didn’t – or you wouldn’t have been aked and you wouldn’t have had it to give.

Thinking about it, wasting energy worrying about, and writing questions here about it – well – that’s not principle. That’s 20 bucks right there.

ragingloli's avatar

The Vulcan Science Directorate has determined that you should have just said “Yes, I would like it back, please.” instead of resorting to ”“think about what you have just asked me” and I walked away”, which is just playing a mind game, the same thing you accused her of doing.
And 2 days? Please. What is 2 days? Especially over 20 quid.

Supacase's avatar

I don’t know if I would have loaned it to her since you didn’t give much information about that part. How close you are, why she needed it, etc.

It really seems like you are asking if you should expect to be paid back. Yes, unless you specifically said not to worry about repaying it or that it was a gift.

Her comment of “are you sure you do not want your $20.00 dollars back?” is odd. It sounds like she got the idea somewhere that you were gifting her, not necessarily that she was playing games with you with reverse psychology or whatever. I would have given her the benefit of the doubt and said, “Oh, yes, I do need it back. Do you think you can pay me back by Monday?”

Darwin's avatar

1) Never lend anything you can’t afford to be without.

2) Tell the borrower that yes, you do want it back and give a deadline. However, if you followed rule #1, don’t sweat it if it doesn’t come back. Just resolve not to “lend” to that person ever again.

3) Since you weren’t clear at the time, yes, you do need to “confront” her (in a gentle and friendly manner, not making her feel as if you are getting ready to arrest her). Either that or you need to write off the money.

lilikoi's avatar

Um, you should confront her and ask for your money back. You weren’t clear before, and she most likely assumed you were giving it to her, not loaning it. She’s probably thinking twenty bucks isn’t a big deal, and that she’ll just buy you dinner next time you guys hang out.

jrpowell's avatar

If it is bugging you ask for it back. And it really depends on the context, which you didn’t give. Were you out having dinner and they forgot to bring cash? Or was the loan for gas money to get to work? Seriously, it is twenty bucks.

If they get upset about you wanting it back tell them that you need a new keyboard with a working shift key.

davidbetterman's avatar

Yes, you should lie to get your 20 back.

frdelrosario's avatar

I should have known better, being a police officer

How, exactly, does being a police officer correspond to knowing better?

loser's avatar

There’s a pretty cool rule that I now choose to live by, “Never loan money you can’t afford to lose.” I learned the hard way. Two years ago I loaned a friend $1,500.00 and I have yet to see her or a penny of it.

Zen_Again's avatar

Neither a borrower nor a lender be has been said by someone wise who dressed funny, but was correct nonetheless.

Jeruba's avatar

I think you gave it to her. Making a fuss about it will only make you look foolish. Forget the $20 and chalk it up to experience.

Berserker's avatar

Philosophy and money don’t mix.

A fool and his money are soon parted. I apologize. But I woulda established conditions before even lending it out, and then just answered her question, walking away with my 20 bucks back…at this point and time, she probably thinks you gave it to her, but yeah I’d at least try and get it back anyways…be a little more upfront about it.

escapedone7's avatar

No I wouldn’t have “lent” it. I would have just given it, no strings, because I had it and she was a friend that needed it. I would have counted it as “charity”, with no hard feelings.

judochop's avatar

I once loaned $20 to a an old friend for drinks one night while we were out, so he could buy drinks for a girl he was hitting on. I figured it was sort of an unwritten agreement that he would pay it back. He never did and when I asked him about it he said, come on it’s $20.
That day I just looked at it as $20 worth of insight to who my friend really is.

Nullo's avatar

Ask her if you can borrow $20.00.

susanc's avatar

This is a mirror for you. You were taken off guard, but she didn’t trick you – she got confused somehow, just like you did. If she’s actually someone you like (or did until 2 days ago), it seems like you could enjoy this together. Tell her you know you’re confused, and
you want to get straight with her.
Unless you don’t. In that case, enjoy being mad at her. You do need to choose.

thriftymaid's avatar

John, if it were me I wouldn’t say anything for a week. @Nullo as usual has an interesting take. Try that.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

Just ask her and see what she does.

LuckyGuy's avatar

Would I? Probably yes. But I would have said something like “You’re joking, right?”
Wait until you see her next Sunday and with a smile ask to borrow $20 – like @Nullo said.

mrentropy's avatar

I never loan money. I may give money to someone. If I get it back then I can be pleasantly surprised.

DarkScribe's avatar

Twenty dollars? You are obsessing over lunch money? How much do they pay Police officers where you are?

jjclarkson's avatar


Neither a borrower nor a lender be;
For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.

john65pennington's avatar

Here is more: this woman is actually a friend of my wife. she asked to borrow the money in front of my wife and many of our friends. it appeared to be a desperate plea for the money, so i agreed. i thought maybe she needed to pick up a prescription for her child and needed $20 dollars for the co-payment. i did not ask her why she needed the money, i just gave it to her. after not receiving the loaned money, the reason i made the statement, “think about it”, was to make her remember what she had said earlier this second day. she said, “i am going to get your money, i have to get some change”. she went to an ATM, but thats the last i heard from her. this kind of compounded the situation. i do not need $20 dollars and again i say it was the principle of the whole transaction. bottomline is that i trusted this person and she let me down. she was one person on this earth, that i trusted and believed would have lived up to their word. i am not crying in my beer. i guess i should have known this would happen, when she asked for the $20 dollars out loud, in front of 6 people. again, i thought she was desperate and boy did i learn a lesson. goodbye $20 dollars and hello fool.

john65pennington's avatar

Judochop….....this is exactly what i am talking about. the only difference is the alcohol. none was involved in my situation. next time i see her, i think i will ask her if i can borrow $20 dollars from her and see what her reaction will be. thanks for the answer. john

SeventhSense's avatar

She sounds like she’s hurting. If it sounded like a desperate plea it probably was. Now what that desperate need was, one can only guess. And yes theoretically she should probably pay you back and it may feel a little awkward but look a little deeper than your twenty. There’s more here than meets the eye.

mammal's avatar

put it down to experience, $20 isn’t the end of the world.

susanc's avatar

@john65pennington – why are you calling yourself a “fool”? How were you supposed to
be able to predict all this? Cut yourself a break. This actually is a mystery.
you can either get back to her and see what happens or be mad because that does
something for you.
Holding my breath.

SeventhSense's avatar

She might be a drug addict or alcoholic. Just one possible thought.

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