General Question

mirifique's avatar

When to send follow-up text before second date?

Asked by mirifique (1537points) February 24th, 2010

Went out with a girl on Sunday, went well, made plans for second date, have not texted her since to play it cool. Date is Friday; when is the best time to send a follow up “are we still on for Friday” text, i.e., today or tomorrow, the day of, or not at all?

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86 Answers

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

Do it now.Phone calls are better.

Captain_Fantasy's avatar

You send a text or email early in the day.
This gives her an opportunity to bow out if she’s not in to you.
If you haven’t spoken to her since Sunday, it isn’t looking good for you, this being wednesday.

Blackberry's avatar

Oh.My.God. Just call her lol.

tedibear's avatar

In this female’s opinion, it was Tuesday. Playing it cool is like saying “I’m not interested.” It’s game playing. And as @lucillelucillelucille says, a phone call is better. Do it today.

Axemusica's avatar

Today would be good. Usually if you have plans already set up before hand, it’s a good rule of thumb to make sure that it’s set in stone a day or two before the actual engagement. Other than that, from what I’ve read here on fluther, most women would love to hear from you ASAP if you both feel a mutual attraction. If you’re uncomfortable with that, I’d say a good 3 or 4 day rule.

~edit~ of course I do mean contact in general. I’m sure she would prefer a phone call as apposed to text message.

CMaz's avatar

“have not texted her since to play it cool.”
Text? What is the world coming to?

softtop67's avatar

Why the games? If you feel like speaking to her, call

lilikoi's avatar

I hate when people text me. Call her. Now.

lilikoi's avatar

@ChazMaz I know, right? Terrible. If a guy text-ed me about a date, he might never hear from me again.

phillis's avatar

What’s with the game-playing? When do you want to call her? That’s the only guideline that matters. Don’t cheat her out of the chance to get to know the real you OR force yourself into a role you can’t continue playing.

Oh, and about that texting thing. Just don’t. Call her!

By the way, don’t listen to anything Vunessuh writes. She’s a little nuts. Bahahaha!

jealoustome's avatar

I’m with @tedibear39. If you had not called me by now, I would think you were not that into me. I might even think the second date was off. If you call or text her, I’d give a reason, like “a very busy week at work,” for not calling sooner.

Likeradar's avatar

Text? Seriously? Texts are for “honey, please grab milk at the store.” They’re not to confirm a date with a girl you like. And as @Tedibear39 said, your game-playing version of “playing it cool” can easily be read as not giving a shit about her. If you set the date, don’t ask her if you’re still on. Tell her you’re excited to see her again, and confirm the time and place.

Man up.

Vunessuh's avatar

A phone call instead would be more respectable.
If you were texting me to make or confirm a date, I would think you were lazy, irresponsible and probably wouldn’t take you seriously.
Stop playing games. Call her.

@phillis Phuck you.

Blackberry's avatar

@Vunessuh Lol @ ‘Phuck” you…....I was watching a movie that originated in Thailand, and some persons name in the credits was ‘Phuket’ lol…..

tedibear's avatar

Not knowing how old @mirifique is, he may be part of the age group that finds a text to be acceptable to ask for a date. A phone call will, IMHO, make an even bigger impression.

CMaz's avatar

I had a date last week. I called her to ask where she would like to go.

She said she had to cancel the date. Saying, “didn’t you get my e-mail?”
THAT was a deal breaker.

mirifique's avatar

@tedibear39 I’m 26/m. To be frank, I’m kind of surprised and now feel a little guilty that everyone thinks texting is not the way to go, because I know so many people do it, particularly for this kind of thing, cause it’s not as awkward. So you all think she thinks I’m not interested because I haven’t called her? Even if we made plans, you think she would, as a consequence of me not having called yet, think I wasn’t interested, or worse, preemptively cancel? :/

softtop67's avatar

Just bear in mind while you are thinking about playing it cool and when to text, some guy already has her on the phone. Shame its not you, huh?

Likeradar's avatar

@tedibear39 Acceptable, maybe. But good? Above average? Noteworthy? The kind of thing a mature woman wants in her life? Not a chance.

@mirifique Don’t cancel unless you don’t want to see her. Pick up the phone, tell her you’re looking forward to your date. Assuming date #2 goes well, call her again as soon as you feel like it. Stop overanalyzing what may or may not be going though her head. Also, don’t worry about being awkward with a woman you like. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been giddy getting off the phone with a guy I was starting to date because he sounded awkward and nervous. Being nervous about something sends a message that it’s important to you. Chicks dig that.

CMaz's avatar

Playing it cool is over rated.

Axemusica's avatar

@mirifique stop phucking around on fluther and call her! NOW!

tedibear's avatar

@mirifique – Again, everything I say is strictly my opinion. At 26, you are old enough to get over the awkward and call her. Texting, to me, is for the 15 to 18 year old group. But even then, a phone call seems more like you’re making an effort to talk to her. She’s female, I promise that she likes conversation!

As for her not being interested, we can’t know. I’m just saying it may show a lack of interest if you’re not making an effort by Wednesday for a Friday date. If she likes you enough, she’ll still go. But she may wonder if you mean it.

Blackberry's avatar

@mirifique Unfortunately there are a lot of dumb chicks (usually younger women) that actually like these games, which just confuses men when they date a more mature woman.

tedibear's avatar

@Likeradar – I agree. Texting would not be good, above average or noteworthy.

phillis's avatar

Uhh…I loved axemusica and Chazmaz’s answers. Why can’t I get the GA link to work? I can’t click them, dammit.

mirifique's avatar

@everyone Okay, it is decided. I will…dum dum dum… CALL HER. Tonight! Thank you all for making me realize my ostensible dearth of dating sprezzatura. :)

Blackberry's avatar

“ostensible dearth of dating sprezzatura”
Don’t say anything like that on the phone lol.

Likeradar's avatar

@mirifique Yay! or I think YAY because I’m not sure what those words mean. :) And leave a message if she doesn’t answer. :)

@tedibear39 That sounded way more hostile towards you than I meant. Sorry!

tedibear's avatar

@mirifique – YAY! And because I’m really freaking nosey, come back and let us know how it goes.

Cruiser's avatar

Too late dude…she’s already got another date for Friday!! You snooze you lose!!

mirifique's avatar

@Cruiser et al. Why is everyone saying this? Seriously, don’t people stick to plans? I feel criticized for not having called her already, but the more important rule of social/dating thumb would seem to be that you should stick to your plans….

FutureMemory's avatar

When it comes to romance the only communication device allowed should be a telephone. Texting is for junior high kids to ask each other what outfit they decided to wear that day.

Vunessuh's avatar

@phillis We aren’t friends anymore until you give me a GA, bitch, since I acknowledged your ass. Motherfuckles. Excuses, excuses.

mirifique's avatar

@FutureMemory I like this, but really, are you aware of how many people my age do use texting for coordination of dating activities? Like a whole lot.

jealoustome's avatar

@mirifique You’re right. People do use texting for dating these days. “I had a great time,” would have been a great text to send the day after. Then, you should have called. And, I wouldn’t break a date with you for not calling, but I would be expecting for you to break the date with me if you hadn’t called.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

@mirifique did ya call her yet??:)

wilma's avatar

Please let us know how she responds to your call.
I hope she isn’t upset that she didn’t hear from you sooner.
said in my June Cleaver voice, I feel like your mother.

mirifique's avatar

@jealoustome I did text her the next morning with “I had a nice time last night. Have an awesome day :)” buuuut I did not call her. Alas. That is what tonight is for.

Axemusica's avatar

”@FutureMemory I like this, but really, are you aware of how many people my age do use texting for coordination of dating activities? Like a whole lot.”@mirifique all the more reason to use vocal communications. Women love originality and spontaneity. In fact I would suggest you call her before “tonight”. The people saying “she’s already got another date” is because women are constantly being chased. There’s always “that guy” or “a friend”. It’s just a possibility you’re not the only one interested in her, is basically what they mean.

mirifique's avatar

@Axemusica Yes, but the other guys aren’t aware that I am pretty darn awesome. hate to say it…

mirifique's avatar

Also, what’s with like 7 people observing? I feel exposed. I guess I understand now why I got the exhibitionist award…

wilma's avatar

We are all waiting to see if you still have a date for Friday. It’s like a soap opera.

Axemusica's avatar

@wilma there’s an idea. “interactive Soap Opera’s”. Now that’s reality entertainment, lol.

jealoustome's avatar

Why did you say “have not texted her since to play it cool,” if you did text her the day after? I’m confused, but I’m super glad you did tell her you had a good time.

Cruiser's avatar

@mirifique I suppose I see your point as even my kids text me when we are at home. She’s probably texting all here girl friends, you are texting all your guy friends it’s all good. Do your thing and good luck on the second date!

mirifique's avatar

@wilma Y’all are wasting your time. NOTHING TO SEE HERE! I’m going to call her at like 8pm. So report back then.
@jealoustome I meant, like in regards to the upcoming date, not re: the prior date. Yeah kinda forgot about that, oops.

Cruiser's avatar

@mirifique I’m not leaving till you call!! lol!!

Vunessuh's avatar

Can you just call her now? Puhleeze? We want to know what she says. Quick, now, before I have an aneurysm.

mirifique's avatar

I have to say, this is definitely the most fun fluther discussion I have ever started.

lostinyoureyes's avatar

@mirifique – This guy I liked postponed asking me out to lunch for over a week after the first date. That was what made me basically decide he wasn’t interested…and looking back it’s obvious he was but just waited too long. Don’t hesitate. Wait 2–3 days max!

mirifique's avatar

@lostinyoureyes OK, people!: I DID ASK HER OUT FOR A SECOND DATE ALREADY. I just haven’t “followed up” to confirm. Are we all good now?

wilma's avatar

Yes @Axemusica knowing that this real guy and a real (hopefully) date makes it much more interesting.
@mirifique we are all behind you on this. We are your cheering section. and quite possibly none of us has had a date in a long while and are living vicariously!

mirifique's avatar

@wilma Yeah, why is that? Aren’t sophisticated, intellectual types all the rage in the dating world? :)

Blackberry's avatar

Sophisticated, intellectual types are all the rage in any world. If someone isn’t attracted to an intelligent person, they are very immature and should only date other immature people lol.

phillis's avatar

@wilma – same here! But I’ll never admit it :)
@Vunessuh – good job, spelling “aneurysm”. Dja get that from Webster? I’m a bigger jelly than you, and I cannibalize. play nice.
@mirifique – YAY! Awesome move :)
@Blackberry – phuck you
@Cruiser – you can unfold your arms now. He called.

mirifique's avatar

@phillis No, no, I asked her out at the end of the first date, I have not called her yet. My question spells it all out. I just haven’t texted her to follow up re: Friday, although I did tell her I had a nice time on Sunday.

phillis's avatar

@mirifique – Yeah, but you said you would call her, which is fabulous! I was really proud of you for that :)

Vunessuh's avatar

@phillis Relax, redneck. I googled that shit.

wilma's avatar

I think so @mirifique ,and I’m assuming that you are the sophisticated, intellectual type.
I guess some of us were just worried about you.

As a woman, remembering back to my dating days. You would have probably been on my mind all week. The text the next day was a good thing. We didn’t have that back in the day. Back then, if my date didn’t call the next day, then I would have assumed either he, didn’t like me so much and that was the end of it, or…
he was trying to play it cool and that would probably have been a turn off for me.
If I really thought that he was giving me the brush-off, I would have felt bad, but held my head up and been polite if I saw him. I also would probably have accepted that date from the guy next door that had been after me for months. I also would have eaten a whole bag of chocolate chips for consolation. but that is another story

phillis's avatar

@Vunessuh Calm down, Patches. We’re here to support Miri right now.

Vunessuh's avatar

@phillis Congratulations for spelling everything right, dyscuntic.

tedibear's avatar

@mirifique – regarding the fact that you asked her out at the end of the first date, that’s great. Unfortunately, many people have been burned even by that. Call her today. Let us know. Thanks!

PandoraBoxx's avatar

You can end up “playing it cool” all the way to being stood up because she’s thinks you’re not interested. Don’t be surprised if she made other plans because she didn’t hear from you.

mirifique's avatar

@PandoraBoxx Again, I’m shocked to keep hearing this. I don’t get why people wouldn’t honor their plans just because they did not get a confirmation phone call/text, which I would think would be more a nicety than anything else…

wilma's avatar

Sooooo???
taps foot, looks like mom
Did you call her?
Is everything still on for Friday?

inquiring mind here

Just teasing you @mirifique ;)

tedibear's avatar

@mirifique – For me, it’s not about confirming the plans. It’s about the staying in touch factor. “Oh hey, that was sweet of him to call. And I’m glad we’re still on.” It’s a nicety, but one that would set you apart from the pack without looking desperate.

Likeradar's avatar

@wilma He should have put us all on conference call. :)

lostinyoureyes's avatar

Please update us! How did it go!

Axemusica's avatar

I feel used. (>.<*)

tedibear's avatar

It’s Friday, @mirifique, and Fluther wants to know… what are you doing tonight??

mirifique's avatar

@everyone I called her last night; sorry for the delay. I left a light but forthright voice mail. Then she texted me back. It’s on for tonight.

tedibear's avatar

YAY! Now you’ll be back on Saturday to tell us how it goes, right?

wilma's avatar

Oh good news!
I hope you both have a good time and enjoy each others company!

mirifique's avatar

@tedibear39 Haha, if you really want to know!

tedibear's avatar

@mirifique – okay, not everything! Just if you have a nice time and if you’re going out again. But yes, after all this, I’m oddly interested.

essieness's avatar

Just read this and I’m on team @mirifique.

mirifique's avatar

I don’t want to get ahead of myself, particularly in the event she’s a Flutherite, but if I do say so myself I think it went quite well :).

tedibear's avatar

Good! You may now have your privacy back. :P

mirifique's avatar

UPDATE We’ve gone on 7 dates now, and I’m quite happy.

tedibear's avatar

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY!!!! Good to know, mirifique.

Did anyone’s advice help at all?

wilma's avatar

Hey there! I’m glad to hear the news.
Any more details you’d care to share???
feel free to ignore my inquiring mind :)

Vunessuh's avatar

“Any more details you’d care to share???”

As in, did you boink her yet?

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