General Question

Mtl_zack's avatar

do girls like to be just friends before getting into a relationship

Asked by Mtl_zack (6759points) March 4th, 2008

I like this girl in my chen class but I’m not sure if I should be friends with her first then go from there or just go for it

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21 Answers

ishotthesheriff's avatar

in my opinion, it’s always best to be friends first. everything seems to develop better.

kevbo's avatar

Girls like to flirt before getting into a relationship. Flirting provides a safe way to size you up and make sure that you’re safe while getting the fire going. Generally, being “friends” is a one way ticket to being friends. So, don’t just be her friend. Flirt with her and get her to associate feelings of romance and excitement with your presence.

delirium's avatar

I would never date someone if I weren’t friends with them first. It just makes the whole thing better.

Nate and I were friends for a year before we dated. He’s my best friend now, as well as my SO.

treloni's avatar

Depends on the girl…The only time I can really think of where this would be a good strategy is if she is a very guarded or shy person who will only let you in little-by-little. Otherwise, be straightforward. Make it clear how you feel about her. If she doesn’t feel the same way, she’ll be pretty clear about that, too.

LuckVIII's avatar

go out, flirt with her, get to know her. Just don’t mention the word ‘friend’.

scamp's avatar

Friends first, but not for too long. Otherwise she might say she doesn’t want to ruin the fiendship by going out with you.

Zaku's avatar

@delerium: Would you give a hint to the guys who are worried about becoming “only ever friends”?

knight's avatar

When you meet someone there are 2 ways: or you are going to be friends or you are going to be lovers. ususally it’s pretty hard to move from friend to lover. So, I think you should choose the lover way from the beginning.

delirium's avatar

Zaku: I think a lot of it depends on what a person wants out of a relationship. If you want someone simply for a short term relationship and not expect anything else, than not being friends first could easily work…
I know from experience though that Nathan and my friendship has taken our relationship through things that very few relationships can ever make it through. When I was in the hospital so long it was such an intense strain on the relationship… but being able to have that fundamental basis that we had as friends made it so that nathan could connect with me on more levels and those levels held us together. Its hard to explain without it being much too long…
I personally would never date someone without befriending them first. Its not that I have trust issues, its just that I don’t want someone who I would break up with at the first sign of trouble.
I know that I, and most of the girlfriends that I have, are prone to using the ‘don’t want to lose you as a friend’ excuse as just that… an excuse. I don’t think that a relationship can ruin a friendship if it’s a healthy relationship. I think that’s the strong foundation to a lasting closeness.

I know that my parents (married 40 years now) were close friends before they started to date, and same goes for most of the people I know who are still together.

If you want her to date you for more than just looks or initial perception… get to really know her. Make sure she really knows you. If you’re a good pairing you should both be able to tell.

Nate never asked me out. I never asked him out. We just ended up having our friendship evolve. We were secretly attracted to each other. We got together officially at a party at my house and spent the night lying under a tree and talking. He told me a year later that the moment that he realized that he was in love with me and didn’t see me as ‘just a friend’ was when we had been sitting in the hall a week before and I had been crying about a chemistry test and he gave me a hug and as he said: “had to really convince myself to let go”.

Our friendship before than hadn’t been perfect… we built our friendship on constant debate and discussion. I was a evolutionist atheist and he was a Christian Scientist who had been raised to believe that atheists were evil. I was the first one he’d ever met, and he spent months trying to convince me that atheists were evil. In that time I convinced him that morals were possible without religion. We never had movie nights together, never went to events alone together… he dated my friends…. It was a literal friendship, but it was able to use that basis to move beyond friendship in to love.

I know that after this if I ever end up dating again that I will never date someone without being friends first.

(sorry about the ramble. If only we had multiple words for friendship to explain the types..)

MissPriss's avatar

it depends… I’ve started off as just friends with a guy. But when you meet that one that there is just that something about them, you tend to want to get in and be with them!!!!

bulbatron9's avatar

I don’t think it would hurt to try to get to know her first. You might change your mind about wanting to date her, before things get complicated.

trogdor's avatar

Definatly friends to flirt and get to know one another, but if you wait too long she might have found someone els or just might valeu your friendship too much.

Mtl_zack's avatar

I’ve tried flirting with her but her friend who is ALWAYS there and is really weird always makes it weird. I can’t get alone with her and start flirting because this guy is always making it awkward. They go way back and they always go into a story about “that reminds me when…”

djbuu's avatar

friends? maybe not. to be honest the word I’d too general. you don’t want to be a friend like a brother…. But a friend with a little sexual tension is good. flirting for her is a way to size you up.

Zaku's avatar

@delerium: Thanks and don’t apologize – that was great the way you shared that! Ya, I’ve had similar experiences, and definitely agree I wouldn’t feel a romantic relationship was all I wanted without friendship. Especially from a young man’s perspective, though, it tends to look a lot like one needs to include a romantic context from early on or it becomes much less likely the woman will ever consider them romantically. Also it can be one of the most dreaded/painful experiences as a guy to know a woman, have romantic interest, and have her not see you that way (and then of course get involved with other guys).

dens's avatar

it looks like you really want or attracted to her. Just go for it. If she doesnt respond then move on to the next one. Save your money and energy. Girls know what they want in the first ten minutes they meet you. But its your effort to find it out. The sooner the better

chaosrob's avatar

Unless you’re out for a fiery, quick affair, then yes, it’s better for a woman to get to know and trust you before she tries to invest herself in a more serious relationship.

Mtl_zack's avatar

I guess I’ve been shot down a few toonmany times in my life and it doesn’t feel good, especially when she likes someone else besides me. I guess i dont want to feel dissapointed again.
What’ve I got to lose? Ive dealt with rejection before and all that could happen is we won’t talk to each other as much,(it’ll be awkward), but its worth a try.
I’ll keep you updated

Oz_1's avatar

Start off as friends….because if nothing romantic works out…at least you have gained a great friend. Best of luck (”,)

yellowbrat789's avatar

in my opinion i would say yes
because that way we know how u act like around you friends and know that in a relationship your not just putting on some stupid act to impress us.

mom's avatar

I have been “just friends” with many guys. My intention was always to be just friends. I will admit that my husband and I started out as “just friends” & when I broke up with my boyfriend we tried dating – about 3 mths later. It worked out and we dated for 5 years. Then, we married. So, you can be friends first – but my intention with friends is to be only friends, and I have many guy friends that will never be anything more.

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