How do you handle people who offer an opinion about people you care about when you never asked them for their opinion?

She is less than perfect – most of us are. She is a friend with an annoying trait. I don’t have any friends at all who don’t have at least one annoying trait – I am sure that they would say the same about me. If she is real friend, just accept it and don’t cause friction.

Nobody can know your family like you can, she may be a friend but an interferring one. Either tell her to keep out or lose her.

Most friends do have that one kink that irk you terribly. At least mine do. I disagree that you should just accept it. I don’t think any major confrontation is necessary. The next time she decides to give her two cents, you could gently tell her that while you value her opinion, you’d rather not discuss family members with her. It sounds like the friendship needs boundaries. Good luck :)

Just tell her how you value her opinions and ideas, but also make it clear to her how important your family is to you and how there is a time and place to discussing issues about your family. Then tell her that if feels the need to offer her opinions to at least ask you first if you want to hear her ideas as you may just have other things on your mind you are thinking about and of course that she will be the first person you come to if you do need an outside opinion.

@DarkScribe So very true. I’m sure their are some things that irk her. Only of all the things I probably am known for, I do not interfere with my friends families. I just don’t understand how she can’t get that of all the things I am opinionated on as well, that I never comment on her family. I hoped with time she would get it but I don’t think she does.
@Dibley When she says things I feel like telling her exactly what you said in the first line.
@stardust and cruiser, I agree. We need boundries. I just don’t know how I can state it without offending her and making it clear to butt out unless asked. I know some of it stems from my family asking opinions and so I had to make it clear to them not to ask her anymore. I know she is just trying to be helpful but it would be more helpful if she just considered I am a grown woman and know how to handle my own business. Even my mom knows to butt out of my business.

Just tell her,flat out.I wouldn’t tip toe around her at all,especially if she talks about my family.

@lucillelucillelucille Well said.

I don’t understand why you can’t just tell her: “Hey, I live you, babe, but I don’t love that you are always commenting on my family. Please keep your two cents worth to yourself.”

If she gets offended, then you can talk about that.

Take what you want and leave the rest. I know it’s hard but focus on why she is a great friend and ignore the bad bits. If it really irks her saying in a joking manner “Hey! only I get to talk about my family that way”.

Edit: “Hey, I love you . . .” not live.

Ignore them. Why get caught up in their negativity?

“I prefer not to talk about that.”

“I’m uncomfortable listening to that.”

“I’m sorry but let’s talk about the US/Canadian hockey game.”

“Have you put on some weight recently?”

Thanks, I’ll let you know if I want an opinion.

What @Just_Justine said sounds like a gentle way to test the waters re her reaction. In all truth, it’d make your life easier if you were just honest with her. It’s hard to introduce boundaries into an already formed friendship, but if anything, it’ll strengthen the friendship.

To me friendship is when people can offer their opinion to each other any time, about any subject, and is will be understood as caring. If you care for each other, talk it over.

@marinelife I’m glad you edited. LOL I thought it was some new catchy phrase I wasn’t aware of.
@gailcalled Wow, I can see the last sentence putting a halt to anything she has to say, except she’ll probably tell me to go f myself and storm out. However it would stop her. LOL

@YARNLADY I don’t worry about opinions, I just don’t believe it should be given to me without my asking. I don’t offer opinions to others unless I feel it is absolutely necessary. Hell, sometimes in the name of friendship I don’t even offer an opinion when they do ask because I feel some things are just to private and need to be solved by the individuals involved or if I know my opinion will only offend them because its not what they really want to hear. Sometimes people ask opinions but they just want you to agree and really, its more about listening. However I don’t ask opinions from my friends on a personal level. I prefer to work things out with the person involved. I will ask on here because I feel more at ease about either taking the advice or moving on and with so many people they often can give me an more objective point of view. I think one should be able to vent without someone offering unsolicited advice.
The thing about friendships is they can come and go but family is forever. That is why I don’t muck about with other people familys. As a friend I will lend a hand or a shoulder to cry on but I respect them enough to let them handle their own family. If I can’t respect them in that regard then I wouldn’t be friends with them in the first place.

Oh, thanks everyone. Your answers have given me a great idea on how to handle this now. I think one day I can bring about the subject by telling her that someone on fluther has this problem with unsolicited advice and how they find it disrespectful when someone butts into their personal life and how much I agree with that comment. Hopefully she will let this register and remember to keep her opinions to herself unless I ask. I hope it works. This way she may not take it as a personal attack.

@Pandora: A lesson you can never learn too early is how to confront a friend or acquaintance (or family member) in a gentle way to make a point about your needs or beliefs.

Don’t pass the buck. Your suggested solution above will simply make it more difficult nex time; and there will be a next time.

If you start all your sentences with “I,” say some nice things (have you gotten a new hair cut?), and not raise your voice,
this issue will be about you and not her.

@gailcalled I really do agree

@Pandora As usual, my idea of a friend seems to be at odds with the general population. I think the word itself has been severely degraded. You don’t believe a friend should offer un asked for opinions, and I believe a friend would be the only person in my life who would offer un asked for opinions, while all family and acquaintances would try to say things that would not be offensive.

I feel very uncomfortable,but unless they begin to get abusive or insulting,I don’t say anything.

My psychiatrist once told me that people who render unasked opinions are showing signs of hostility. I tend to believe that.

@gailcalled Now that you mention that I feel it makes things clearer. I have noticed a hint of hostility sometimes but I would dismiss it. She would occassionally say things like, I don’t know how good I have it. Its not just the words but I notice a little bit of venom in her voice when she says it. I would just dismiss it as her being tired.