For those of you who are gay/lesbian or bi, when did you know (for sure)

For me, I dated fellas all throughout high school and whilst in University. I enjoyed sex with men, but, there was no emotional connection there (for me). There were no butterflies/fireworks and no, it didn’t develop into “that love” (the love that you’re supposed to have for you partner). Really, I cared for them a great deal, like how you would care for a good friend.

During those years, I found myself having crushes on women. I found them to be beautiful, their bodies -a wonderland (sorry, hee hee)… I loved the way that they moved, I loved their curves, and the way that women smelled. With close female friends, emotionally I was drawn to them. I fell in a love (with a few) and, of course, nothing happened. They were straight and the feelings weren’t reciprocated. Actually, I hid my true feelings from them (and quite well), so, I’m sure that most of them were oblivious… During that time, though, I really didn’t know what was going on with me – I was a bit confused and was trying to figure myself out. Yeah, that part sucked.

When I was 21, I went to a gay bar with a friend. It was my first time. When I walked in, the first thing that I saw were women dancing together.. close together. I saw women being affectionate towards one another… kissing/arms wrapped each other, and I was “Woah!...this is nice (haha)”. I got to meet and talk to various women throughout the night, and we ended up going back to a house party with a group of girls (the friend that I went to the bar with was friends with one of them). There was this one woman there; blonde, feminine, green eyes, a bit older (I was 21 at the time, she was 27) and I thought that she was incredibly sexy/beautiful. She was intelligent and interesting and I was immediately attracted to her. We talked, she flirted (I didn’t know what to do, so, I let her do her thing, haha). When she would get close to me, though, to whisper something in my ear, or grab ahold of my hips to pull me closer.. well, my body reacted—instant turn-on. I had never felt that before with a man. Eventually, she kissed me. That’s when I knew for sure. The feelings that I felt when we kissed, I had never experienced that before with a man. It was over-the-top.. amazing (heart racing, feeling a bit warm in the nether regions, passionate..curl your toes sort of kiss).