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millsandboon's avatar

Should i accept the relationship is over?

Asked by millsandboon (10points) March 2nd, 2010

Hi there,
I don’t know if I should accept that my boyfriend of 4 years and I should go our separate ways or not… To be completely honest and probabky sound slightly pathetic I don’t want to but after a strange incident with another girl (they briefly kissed) I feel it is almost compulsory? The circumstances in which it happened would kind of predict its occurence- big wild drinking session abroad. But pretty much the same thing happened 2 years ago (another kiss with another girl) so it’s a bit odd. He did tell me without very much hesitance about the event both times and is sorry. Now he feels i deserve more and says he’s not good enough etc but we are so in love and get on so well and i feel meant to be. I would be completely devestated if we were to break up. I mean utterly and totally devestated. Should i cut my ties and lose someone i love so much or hope that because we are young these kind of mistakes are bound to happen? Especially when alcohol is involved.

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17 Answers

marty97's avatar

Yes….this is bad….but you must accept this….sorry…

Likeradar's avatar

How old are you?

janbb's avatar

I actually go more with the “you are both young and mistakes are bound to happen when there is alcohol involved” theory. If you really care for each other, I would keep talking and see if you can work it out.

partyparty's avatar

It really shouldn’t have happened, but that’s what happens when you have drinking sessions.
He has apologised, but I think you both need to sit down and have some serious talking with each other.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

If you feel he really loves you and you feel his regret is genuine, only you can say if you can move forward knowing what he did. The break up is not compulsory but it’s up to you guys to duke it out – trust takes time to rebuild.

partyparty's avatar

@Likeradar I was wondering that myself.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

He told you the “It’s not you,it’s me.”
Time for him to go….

jackm's avatar

No, this doesn’t mean you have to break up. Its up to both of you to decide what is best.

marinelife's avatar

You only have to break up if you want a boyfriend that is faithful.

Why are you so sure it was only kisses?

Why are you so sure it was only twice?

Do you love him enough to share him with other women?

utzon's avatar

The two most important things in a relationship are love and trust. If you still both love and trust him, then you shouldn’t break it off. If, however, your trust is gone (for good) then you should most definitely end it. There is nothing worse than being caught in a relationship with someone you don’t trust. It leads to suspicion and jealousy.

You will also have to make it very clear to him that if he loses your trust he’ll also lose you.

thriftymaid's avatar

You two could go on another couple of years and then something else happen. Do you really think it was just a kiss? I don’t know the level of trust you have for him. Just don’t stay because it is comfortable and familiar.

Captain_Fantasy's avatar

Pack it up if he’s messing around on you.

ZEPHYRA's avatar

Move on, you not only deserve better but you have your whole life ahead of you to find real and true love. Don’t sit by and accept his wild antics. One time leads to another and if he cannot respect your relationship at this stage, imagine what lies ahead. Politely send him packing!

Cruiser's avatar

He knew what he was doing and even told you the dreaded “you deserve more” Take him at his word…you deserve more. You are young enough where you will look back and go what was I thinking!!

Trillian's avatar

Yeah, what @ a bunch of jellies already said. When he gets to the “you deserve better” he’s going to keep on proving how….not good he is. And every time he will apologize and each time it’s going to hurt you more. Save yourself the grief.

FireMadeFlesh's avatar

If you want it to work, then you can make it work. He needs to get out of the mindset where he is prepared to do such a thing. Only you know how much of an effect it has had on the relationship, and whether or not he is capable of changing. Just make sure you let him know that it is not appropriate, and he cannot keep doing that and keep you. Chances are that he is not worth the effort if he is prepared to do something like that, but again only you can answer that question.

Thankfully I have never been in that situation, so I cannot comment on how I would respond.

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