General Question

silverstar's avatar

A guy kissed me when I was on vacation, should I tell my boyfriend?

Asked by silverstar (17points) March 2nd, 2010

It happened about six months ago, but I have been feeling so guilty lately.
If I tell my boyfriend, I’m worried he will either break up with me, or he’ll never trust me again.
Should I take it to the grave, or should I tell him?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

39 Answers

kevbo's avatar

You should kiss your hottest girl friend and let him take a picture.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

He didn’t kiss you – you both kissed unless you slapped his face right when he lunged at you – in that case why didn’t you tell your boyfriend?

iseewavesinme's avatar

tell him the whole truth.

silverstar's avatar

Simone- you are right, I didn’t slap him away. I did not tell my boyfriend because I am scared of what might happen.

wtfrickinfrack's avatar

I would have a bigger problem knowing that my significant other lied about it (especially for a prolonged period of time) than I would be if they acknowledged their mistake and came clean immediately. Life’s too short for grudges.

Bellumbri's avatar

No, your just being selfish in thinking youll tell him about this smooch that happened months ago. Your going to make him confused. If you really wanted to tell him, you would have told him right away, or better yet, never even have kissed the other boy.

Disc2021's avatar

Well, it usually takes two to tango here. Did a guy kiss you or did you both kiss each other?

I think treating your partner the way you want to be treated is the best route to go. Would you would want him to keep a secret like that from you while he was on vacation?

If he loves you and you prove you’re willing to take methods to prevent something like that from happening again, he will keep it in the past. This is really how a relationship grows – showing courage when mistakes arise and having the responsibility to fix them.

Captain_Fantasy's avatar

Own up! At least you’ll be able to sleep at night either way.

Trillian's avatar

Why do you say “He kissed you” as if you had no say in the matter? Did you or did you not participate? Are you or are you not in charge of your face? Yes you should tell your boyfriend. He has a right to know that apparently anyone can bust up in your grill and kiss you anytime they feel like it.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@silverstar well, it’s going to be ugly, I think – you should just do it, tell him, get it over with – you have to deal with the consequences.

syzygy2600's avatar

would you want your boyfriend to tell you if he kissed a girl? Probably yes, right? Then I think you owe him the same consideration you would want for yourself.

bstar3's avatar

The safest way is to text? him and tell him, cause once you say “i kissed someone on vacation” he probably is going to not listen after that.

But you should tell him.

Captain_Fantasy's avatar

Text him this info? Might as well kick his dog while you’re at it.
FFS dont text important stuff.

silverstar's avatar

Disc2021— he initially kissed me, but I did not resist. Honestly, I don’t think I would want to know if he kissed another girl.
Captain- you’re right, the guilt is killing me
Trillian- everything you said is correct.
Simone- I will tell him asap. Thank you
Syzygy2600— I don’t think I would want to know if another girl kissed him. But I do think he diserves to know

ChaosCross's avatar

Tell him of course, it should not be a problem if it was the guy that kissed you.

Russell_D_SpacePoet's avatar

It amazes me when someone, (male or female) says, They kissed me. No one “kisses” you without you letting them. If they do without permission I believe it’s called assault.

FishGutsDale's avatar

I think you should tell him and that he should break up with you. You might feel guilty and you might regret it now but you were unfaithful. The trust has been broken.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

Did he kiss you, or did you make out with him? Has he contacted you since then? Did you like kissing him?

I disagree; someone can kiss you without you letting them. It’s the kissing back that’s willful.

syzygy2600's avatar

@ChaosCross so your assuming that she had nothing to do with it? I find it hard to believe that someone would just run up to her and kiss her with absolutely no provocation. If that is what happened, she should have called the cops on him, but from her own answers that’s clearly not what happened. Saying HE kissed ME so I have nothing to do with it is a cop out.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

In my younger day, I’ve been kissed where my reaction was, “what are you doing?” Some guys are very forward, and interpret a smile as a come-on.

rexgongzheng's avatar

I thought everybody face the problem had different opinions for you,however, you should do what you want to do.Maybe you can choose the better way to tell your boyfriend the truth is right,at least,you don’t feel anxious.

Ansible1's avatar

I was in a similar situation a few months ago with my girlfriend. She was out at a bar and this guy kissed her three times. He would go in real fast as they were talking and she pulled away each time. I was really upset she didn’t slap this guy or tell him to stop, but that’s a whole different issue. The point is she told me about it the next day and was totally honest about all the details I asked her about. I would have been so much angrier if she had kept it from me. The fact that she told me right away meant alot. It caused a small argument but we’ve moved past it and I still have complete trust in her.

kevbo's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir, I really think it depends on the location of the kiss.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@kevbo yeah sex rays can be so haphazard sometimes

PandoraBoxx's avatar

I think the first thing you should do is figure out why it is important to you, and convey that to your boyfriend. “I kissed a boy on vacation and it’s important to me to tell you because I don’t want secrets between us” is very different than “I kissed a boy on vacation and it’s important to me to tell you because I can’t stop thinking about the kiss.”

FishGutsDale's avatar

@PandoraBoxx but it was 6 months ago. It can’t be that important.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

What for?To alleviate your guilt and make him feel like shit?

judochop's avatar

For me one kiss does not mean someone is unfaithful. I choose not to do it (presently) however I am guilty of doing it more than once in the past. I also have had it done to me so I’ve known the feeling from both sides. A kiss with someone whom you barely know is just that, a kiss. Lust can drive some people insane if they sit together in a room for to long of a time when attracted to each other. I am sure that it is something that is eating at your moral code but it is not the end of the world. Will you feel better if you tell your significant other about the kiss or will you just be rubbing to sticks together to create a fire. Is there a need for this fire? Are you planning on visiting this man again or the feeling of a strange lovers kiss again? If you are then you are probably going to end up breaking the relationship yourself. Tell him if you wish to make yourself feel better and if you plan on doing it again however, though you may feel better, how is he going to feel about it? Thankful that you took the time to consider his feelings or resentful because you broke an unwritten code for your relationship? If you truly want to approach this in an unselfish way then think only of his feelings and where he will be with this in a few days time post bombing, not of your own because the feeling of guilt is overwhelming at the moment. Best of luck to you and your lover.

hug_of_war's avatar

Relationships are about honesty. Sometimes that means hurting the other person. If you don’t have that honesty your relationship doesn’t have a solid foundation.

Captain_Fantasy's avatar

Dude this sucks! My girlfriend just called me and told me she kissed some other dude on vacation!
This is the weirdest coincidence ever.

skfinkel's avatar

Tell him the truth. It’s better in the long run.

ZEPHYRA's avatar

Nah, ignorance is bliss, what he doesn’t know can’t hurt him! Just make sure this does NOT become a habit otherwise best start packing!

silverstar's avatar

Everyone- I told, and he didn’t care! He even confessed something to me.
Captain- I’m so sorry hunny, I didn’t mean to hurt you ; )
Pandora- He kissed me, tried to slip in some tongue. It was disgusting. I told my boyfriend the truth because I love him, and he deserves to know, I was guilty of course.
Judochop- I didn’t even know the guy who kissed me. He was super drunk. The kiss was sloppy and disgusting.
FishGutsDale- I appreciate your answer, but I disagree, and so does my boyfriend.

FishGutsDale's avatar

@silverstar I’m happy it worked out the best for you. Congrats.

JeffVader's avatar

Keep quiet about it, nothing good can come from you telling him…. bottom line is, you only want to do this for selfish reasons, to allay your guilt. It will only make him feel bad.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

@silverstar, glad you were able to get it out and clear the air. That kind of kiss is not something you should feel guilty about, because it doesn’t sound like you were flirting with the kisser, and were interested in being kissed by him.

@FishGutsDale, if you’re still bothered by something after the fact, then it is important in some way if @silverstar is stilled bothered by it. It sounds like it’s important because she didn’t want it to happen, and it did. It also sounds like she isn’t interested in being kissed by anyone else, and was a revelation that drunk guys can take advantage of you. For young women, that can be particularly upsetting. I know my younger daughter feels like she is in control of all situations, and the reality is, she is not.

silverstar's avatar

PandoraBoxx- I may have been flirting, without knowing it. I was certainly not interested in being kissed by the guy.

Answer this question




to answer.

This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.

Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther