Social Question

Just_Justine's avatar

A lot of people say they "create" their own family or earth family how do you do that?

Asked by Just_Justine (6496points) March 3rd, 2010

When I was younger and dealing with my dysfunctional parents, I came upon the idea that we can create our own family here on earth. Or we can choose our friends, unlike our family. I know a lot of you are married and so will say that is your family. But finally all my family are now deceased. I spent a lot of my time and energy, ten years to be exact, on taking care of my ailing parents. I have other issues too, so I isolated myself. It may be a question with no answers but how do you start to create a new family. I really do not want to be all alone on this earth. It never really worried me before but it is now.

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18 Answers

davidbetterman's avatar

You can be part of my family if you want.

Just_Justine's avatar

@davidbetterman aww! I am anyway, I invited myself :) ty

Buttonstc's avatar

Depending upon what type of dysfunctional you are referring to, there may be support groups for people who have dealt with something similar.

For instance, there are ACOA groups all over. That’s for Adult Children of Alcoholics.

There are also groups for those who cope with the mental illness of a family member.

Since you said you’ve been isolated for awhile, just about any hobby or area of interest has groups for like minded people. There are camera clubs, sports groups etc. Find one that suits an area of interest you have. Join a book reading club at the library.

There are also tons of groups which need volunteers. This will also put you into regular contact with like minded people.

All of these different suggestions will put you into regular contact with different kinds of people. From that there will be some individuals to which you will find a mutual attraction and a friendship gets formed.

This is basically how you form a “family of intention”. You gravitate toward people with whom you feel comfortable and you like. Those with whom you can be youself and at ease.

It’s not an instantaneous thing. It’s a process and takes time but it’s possible.

Bagardbilla's avatar

The beauty of being an adult is that can do anything you want, in anyway you want! :)
it’s wonderful that you were there for your parents when they needed you. Now you get to start on you own. You can find a partner and have tour own kids, adopt, even just be a big sister/brother to a bunch of rug rats. You can find friends who have kids and be an auntie Justine to them… I have a friend who moved into a less then a well to do neighborhood and has opened up her house and heart to all the kids in the area! They just come and go as they please, watch tv, have a quite place to do homework, or surf the net. She has given these underprivileged kids an option to be more then anything they could have imagined. They are her family and she has become theirs!
The world is yours to adopt! And if all else fails, as @davidbetterman said, we’re always here! :)

Cruiser's avatar

Volunteer and or join groups where you are sure to meet others you can connect with to start your own family. I am 900 miles from my nearest family member so I have had to create my own new “family” and I look forward to the big holidays where I leave the front door open to other “orphans” I have met over the years and these get together’s are as much and even more fun than the ones I used to have with certain real family members.

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

I agree that as adults, we can create a circle of people about whom we care and who care about us. Typically such a group of people share similar values, goals and attitudes about the important things in life.

I wish I had such a circle of friends and acquaintances.

Just_Justine's avatar

@Dr_Lawrence I have periodically most moved over seas, a few died. You know how it goes.

phillis's avatar

Taking care of others for so long creates a vacuum in your life. You become accustomed to thier care as a way of life. Now that they are gone, it is easy to imagine that you feel left with an empty feeling. You have to craft a new way of living. I feel for you, because I know that isn’t as easy as it sounds. There’s something besides that subject that occured to me, though.

As long as you feel shame rather than total acceptance of your issues, you will have the temptation to isolate yourself. As far as issues go, we all have them (despite that some might try to convince you otherwise), so why not find a way to come to terms with them? Your issues do not define you, in and of themselves. There are tons of facets of you that deserve to be explored, acknowledged and shared. You deserve it, by virtue of being born.

stump's avatar

When I was in high school my friends were all kids in the drama club. And the feeling of closeness and shared purpose made a huge impression on me. That group felt like a family to me. Ever since then I have been looking for the same kind of group relationship. Ten years ago (20 years after high school) my father died and I found myself alone and longing for that same kind of group. So I started a community theatre. It was the only thing I really knew how to do. I can now say that the people in the community theatre are my family, and I try to serve them to the best of my ability.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Since leaving home I have done this and enjoy a very solid core of close friends I look on as “my family”. It started with a stranger met in college who became my best friend then spouse then best friend again. We shared and do share a few people in our lives and occasionally new ones get introduced into the mix, years pass and those who remain become closer and closer.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

We have a conglomeration of close friends who we spend holidays and important events with. Some are friends with no families of their own, others have families that are so large, that if 5 – 10 other people show up, as long as they bring a dish and their own chairs, it’s good.

flo's avatar

I think it just means good friends.

thriftymaid's avatar

join a commune

babaji's avatar

opening one’s heart to and embracing those around them as family?

YARNLADY's avatar

It’s not clear what you are looking for. Usually a ‘family’ consists of a group of people who have a lot in common and are working together toward a common goal. Find people with similar interests and join in their activities. You can often find like-minded people at garden clubs, book clubs, or sewing clubs.

My sister has found a family-like group in her boarding house, where women on SSI live together and share their lives.

Joybird's avatar

I joined a women’s CIRCLE as an adult and having found people of like minds and like interests I started to form permanent lifelong friendships within a sisterhood that included a few worthy men…and suddenly I realized that I had created family.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

My friends over the years have made up my family. I’m not particularly close to any blood relatives but some of my friends and I really enjoy to spend holiday time-offs together or to plan little trips together.

poopnest's avatar

I try to socialize with people I am already acquainted with. Sometimes it seems like a slow process to build up a social support. I moved to a new area. I ask if they know anyone they think I might get along with and who shares some of my main traits like my humor. I tell people I’m reasonably close to my problem and how lonely I feel and they end up helping when an opportunity presents itself, like meeting a new person I might get along with. It’s just all about trying again and again.

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