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gorillapaws's avatar

For men: witnessing childbirth negatively effecting your sexual arousal to your child's mother?

Asked by gorillapaws (23348points) March 3rd, 2010

I’ve heard that when a guy watches his wife/so give birth that there’s a significant chance that he looses sexual interest in her. I’m not sure if this is a myth, or what’s behind it. I can see how in theory the guy sees this part of the female anatomy that’s supposed to be exciting, get turned into a gory mess with your kid hanging out of it might change things, but I have no idea—never been there. I’m curious if any guys can relate to this question and to hear their thoughts/experiences.

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21 Answers

Rarebear's avatar

Not for me.

ETpro's avatar

It certainly didn’t work that way for me, and my wife had a terrible time delivering our son.

Aethelwine's avatar

It didn’t for my husband. He brags about how much he admires me for being so strong during my deliveries.


Well, it’s certainly not something that “positively” affects my sexual arousal! Lol.

Just because it’s natural doesn’t mean it’s supposed to be appealing or attractive. Relieving oneself is natural, but that doesn’t make it likable to the visual senses.

casheroo's avatar

Well, I’m sure he wasn’t getting a hard-on when the baby was crowning.

My husband finds it amazing, and says you don’t really have many opportunities to witness such a thing.
Oh, and he says that men who stop being sexually aroused by their wife, are probably men who think women don’t fart. News flash: we all fart.

This is coming from a guy that saw me just give birth less than a week ago. They actually didn’t allow him to see our son come out, because I had an unplanned c-section and I think something might have been wrong and they didn’t want anyone to get freaked out. He just held my hand and calmed me down the entire time. Your number one priority at that point is your childs life, and getting them the heck out of you…not sex.

nope's avatar

Two c-sections here…they never let you watch that. So…can’t relate to the other thing, other than what I’ve seen on TV, etc. However, as an aside, I can highly recommend c-sections; for one thing, you can plan the birthdate, lol, and for another, I was the first to hold both of my beautiful kids, as they sewed up mom. I don’t think it had ANY impact on my attraction to my wife. The attraction issues were all due to other stuff.

gorillapaws's avatar

@casheroo “Well, I’m sure he wasn’t getting a hard-on when the baby was crowning.” That’s not really what I was talking about. I’ve heard that after witnessing that, his wife’s/SO’s vagina weeks/months later is no-longer an arousing sight to him.

Anyways, it doesn’t sound like there’s any merit to this, but it seemed plausible to me.

Factotum's avatar

I’m sure it happens to some men. Unfortunate and possibly destructive to the marriage.

The above is not meant to suggest men should stay out of the delivery room. Regardless, ‘loss of consortium’ is generally bad news.

ucme's avatar

Not in the slightest.Watching my children arrive into the world was as far removed from anything sexual as is possible.A beautiful wonderous ocassion.Sex has it’s time & it’s place & the delivery room aint it.

mattbrowne's avatar

Not at all. Our brains can switch from mode to mode. Otherwise male gynecologist would be unable to keep their job.

gorillapaws's avatar

@mattbrowne I’ve always thought it takes a particularly brave man to become Gynecologist (malpractice insurance rates aside). Every high school guy thinks it would be the coolest job in the world, until they REALLY think about it and realize what is involved.

ccrow's avatar

Well, there’s this

ETpro's avatar

@ccrow Sometimes, Freud is just a cigar.

mattbrowne's avatar

@gorillapaws – As far as I know sexual harassment cases involving gynecologists are rare. The case depicted in ‘The Hand That Rocks the Cradle’ are the exception.

gorillapaws's avatar

@mattbrowne I’m sure sexual harassment cases are rare. Male doctors always ensure there’s a female staff member present whenever they’re alone with a female patient. They never want to put themselves in the he-said, she-said situation in court without having a 3rd person to vouch for his conduct.

The malpractice remark is with regard to the fact that it is extremely common for Ob/Gyn’s to get sued for big bucks whenever there’s a baby born with problems. Many of these cases are decided in the mother’s favor (because it’s hard to not support the mom of a child with some serious medical condition) and as a result, the rates for malpractice for Ob/Gyn’s is prohibitively expensive (even if they’ve never been sued).

lonelydragon's avatar

I’m not a man (and I certainly hope you get more male answers to this question), but I’ve definitely seen AB questions about guys who aren’t attracted to their wives after birth. To those who are physically repulsed after childbirth, I say, “Eventually, you gotta get over it.” After all, some male bodily functions can be off-putting, too, but I’ve never heard of a woman who refused sex with her husband as a result of his gratuitous belching or passing gas.

FWIW, I’ve also heard that a man’s diminished attraction to his wife after childbirth has psychological components as well as the visceral, physical disgust. After childbirth, some men may begin to see their wives as mothers, not romantic partners, and so they have trouble being aroused by them because they feel it’s inappropriate to have sexual feelings about someone’s mother (even though it’s not their own mother). Just another instance of the Madonna/Whore dichotomy at work.

LKidKyle1985's avatar

I’ve heard of it, I don’t think its extremely common but its the same concept where men get erectile dysfunction thats caused mentally. Just some switch gets flipped in their brain and its hard for them to sleep with their wife because all of a sudden they associate her vagina with a traumatic experience. I suppose its not too difficult to get over though if you realize thats whats happening to you.

bburfield's avatar

I hope more men respond to this question, because I must admit, I have my concerns about this subject. I am 5 months pregnant with my first child, and completely freaked out by all of the bodily changes. I’m also nervous that my husband will not be attracted to me after watching me give birth and after everything changes. He assures me that this could never happen, and that he will find me attractive no matter what, but I have my doubts.

casheroo's avatar

@bburfield Please, don’t let that be a concern of yours at all. He should love you no matter what happens, he married you. Things happen in life. Watching a baby come out of you will be one of the most amazing experiences of both your lives. Be happy you have a man so confident and in love with you. Your body does go through many changes, and you need to accept it. He will love it no matter what.

keithpc's avatar

It was the single most disgusting thing I have seen in my life and both me and my wife deeply regret believing that me witnessing this was some sacred miraculous event.

She was mortified, I almost puked, and the kid will have no memory of any of it.

What a post-modern load of bullshit….the child isnt entering the world from an alternate universe, it coming out of a vagina I had seen a thousand times before.

Spare everyone the drama, and just push and then cover yourself up!!!!,

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