General Question

Violet's avatar

Is it ok if my boyfriend helps me pick out my wedding dress?

Asked by Violet (6574points) March 4th, 2010

My boyfriend knows me better than anyone else I know. He said he wanted to help me pick out my wedding dress when the time comes, and I think that’s fine. But I’m getting negative responses from people I know about this. I have no one else to really bring to help me pick out a dress.
Is it ok to break tradition? Is it so bad for my boyfriend to see me in the dress before the wedding day?

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34 Answers

keobooks's avatar

There are so many superstitions about weddings. You are bound to break a whole lot without even knowing it. It will only be “bad luck” if you believe in it so much that you make your own bad luck.

If your relationship is so fragile that him looking at you in a wedding dress is going to ruin the whole thing, then don’t bother getting married! (And I’m sure it’s not fragile. He sounds like an ok guy!)

breeanne's avatar

Well, is he the groom?

La_chica_gomela's avatar

Pshhh, what do you care what other people think?

Besides, it sounds like you’re just talking about some unspecified time in the future. The fact that you refer to him as your boyfriend and not fiancee says that you’re not even engaged yet. Why worry about it right now?

shockvalue's avatar

Sure, just don’t let your fiancée find out.

Violet's avatar

@keobooks I’m not concerned with superstitions. It’s the surprise.
@breeanne my boyfriend?!
@La_chica_gomela There are a few reasons. If I come across a great wedding dress sale, I’m going to take advantage of it. No I am not engaged, but I am expecting a proposal soon. I hate the word fiancé. Why worry? We’ve been talking about the topic. I“m just curious.
@shockvalue I can’t tell if you’re joking. The boyfriend would become the fiancé, and then the husband

PacificRimjob's avatar


How sweet!

tinyfaery's avatar

It’s your wedding and your life. Do what you want. Superstitions only have power if you believe in them.

Jeruba's avatar

Oh, my goodness, of course it’s all right. There’s no need for any rule about it. You never struck me as all that conservative, anyway, my dear. Do what you want.

Violet's avatar

@tinyfaery I’m not concerned with superstitions. It’s the surprise I’m thinking about. My bf really likes surprises, and I feel like him seeing the dress the day of the wedding, is the biggest and best surprise of all.
@Jeruba oh no, I’m not conservative at all : ) (please see my comment ^ for @tinyfaery)

plethora's avatar

I think it’s fine to take him, unless the surprise thing is really big for you, and I can see why it is. This a one time deal (hopefully). I would be inclined to not take him for this reason. It should be YOUR dress selection, not his, and bringing a guy into wedding dress selection may not be a pretty thing, regardless of his intentions. I would be inclined to not take him because the surprise aspect is really important to you both. You want to see the look in his eye as you come down the aisle dressed as he has never seen you before. And it should be a shocker for him too. Very best wishes, Violet.

jrpowell's avatar

@Violet :: Let the lingerie on the honeymoon be the surprise.

Violet's avatar

@johnpowell oooo that is a great idea!
@plethora Well he likes surprises, but it was his idea to help me pick out the dress. I have no strong feelings either way. But if he doesn’t help me pick out the dress, I have no one else to help me. I think I’ll get the same look when I come down the aisle

Response moderated (Unhelpful)
Jeruba's avatar

My husband-to-be went with me to pick out my dress. The idea of surprise meant nothing to me. I didn’t think he would even much notice what I wore enough to be surprised by it. Really, how many guys pay that much attention to our clothes? Other than the fact that he had never seen me in a long ivory gown before, he might not have noticed it at all. We’re the ones who fuss over every detail.

(No one ever looks as closely at our meticulously chosen earrings as we do when we buy them, either.)

Rather, I enjoyed knowing he liked the dress and the way I looked in it.

Response moderated
Violet's avatar

@Jeruba you are so right.

keobooks's avatar

Here are some facts you may actually need.

You WILL need someone with you. You said that you had no one else to help you with your wedding dress shopping, so consider that. There are shop assistants, But even with the one assigned to you, you will need someone else helping you too. Those dresses weigh a TON and they have so many buttons and snaps and I won’t even get into all the special underwear issues. It’s a three person job to get into those dresses.

If you really want to keep it a surprise, you better find a relative to enlist for the job. If you really don’t have anyone else, you may actually NEED him to come with you.

Also, trust me. The dress may not be a surprise, but the dress and the veil and the hair and the makeup altogether will surprise YOU when it’s all together. You’ll be floored at the whole look. He’ll get his socks knocked off.

Violet's avatar

@keobooks I’ve been wedding dress shopping before. I was engaged a few years ago, bought the dress, and I ended up leaving the guy. So I know what the process is like

Response moderated (Unhelpful)
breedmitch's avatar

It’s ok. Just know that he’s sleeping with men on the side.

Response moderated
Jeruba's avatar

@Violet, a number of people are taking the trouble to try to help and encourage you here. I wonder if maybe you don’t realize what a chiding tone you are taking in replying to them.

Violet's avatar

@keobooks would you like to hear the rest of the story? I didn’t finish my comment to you because it’s a very sensitive subject for me. But the guy who I was formally engaged to, beat the fuck out of me. So bad, that I now have PDST. So while I woudl have loved to respond to “Also, trust me. The dress may not be a surprise, but the dress and the veil and the hair and the makeup altogether will surprise YOU when it’s all together. You’ll be floored at the whole look. He’ll get his socks knocked off.”, I had to cut my comment short before I broke out crying. So I am sorry if I came across as a ‘know it all’.

Violet's avatar

@Jeruba no I didn’t realize I was talking like that. I was having a happy conversation about wedding dressing. I wish I had never asked this question. I’m so upset now

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

It doesn’t matter.

plethora's avatar

I have had similar feelings on here and wished I had just not asked the question. From reading the whole thread, particularly what you have said, I think you should do just as you wish and if your bf wants to help you pick out the dress and you both feel good about that, do it. I wish you the greatest happiness.

Violet's avatar

@plethora thank you so much sweet heart : )

plethora's avatar

You are very welcome and, as @johnpowell said, let the lingerie be the surprise..:)

ilovedressing's avatar

of course he can do this as your boyfriend loves you very much he wants you can show your beautiful to him ,he will happy with you ,you are his arrogant .

plethora's avatar

Let your bf friend pick it out only if you want to hate it. WTF does a guy know about picking wedding dresses unless he is homosexual.

Response moderated (Spam)
Allie's avatar

[mod says:] Everyone step back and breathe. Remember what your elders taught you: golden rule.

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