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fathippo's avatar

How can you hide the parts of yourself other people don't like to see/ you don't want people to know?

Asked by fathippo (746points) March 6th, 2010

I would say, that my personality makes me quite ‘episodical’, and part of that is that I can get kind of erratic and extreme. Like sometimes I need to sleep a hell of a lot, and then sometimes only for 2 or 3 hours a night; and sometimes, it seems necessary to wear stupid hats and dance, and sometimes I can’t be near people (and lights >=|) at all.
I would just let things happen because I know that they do, but I do not live alone, and the person I live with, I don’t know exactly what they think, but they look as if they are kind of hurt or maybe ashamed of what I am to them. Obviously I don’t want to hurt them, and also I don’t want to feel what the way they look at me makes me feel…
It sounds like I’m very selfish freaking out with complete disregard for people, but it honestly is something I can’t change, I try to be in situations, places and states of mind that I go to when naturally everything is very serene and peaceful, but I can’t force it, but kind of want to for the sake of our relationship at least.
So how can I try to suppress or channel things so it is more acceptable to them?
They say they want me to be more normal, but this does feel normal to me, so how do you kind of, cover up things that aren’t acceptable to other people?
Thankyou =)

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19 Answers

Your_Majesty's avatar

If they’re really your friends then they must accept you the way you are. If I really want to hide something I would do it in secluded places. But as people know me they’ll get used to me and will accept me in the end.

majorrich's avatar

LOL! sounds like a Lady Gaga question again. (Sorry couldn’t resist)

Sure, personality traits or tendencies can be suppressed for your sake or for the sake of others. But rarely for long. Better to not try and be honest and up front with regard to idiosyncrasies than try to hide and be seen as dishonest later. You will find that everyone has some kind of weirdness they are a little hesitant to show; that’s what being human is all about.

marinelife's avatar

It sounds like you what you need to hide or change is your friends or the people that you are hanging out with.

Captain_Fantasy's avatar

Without knowing specifics as to what you don’t want people to see, we’re essentially guessing. What is known is that hiding things from people isn’t a good policy for making friends.

fathippo's avatar

It is the one person I live with in particular, and what I don’t want them to see is like what I described above, getting erratic n’ all, as they see that, and further, as things that are wrong with me, like I’m out of control of my mind. And I don’t want them to see this so we can see each other as people, not constantly having things that don’t need to be in the way, in the way. That’s probably no better sorry.

augustlan's avatar

As long as what you’re doing isn’t harming anyone else, I see no reason to suppress it. There will be someone out there who loves you just the way you are. Don’t waste your time on anyone who doesn’t!

CaptainHarley's avatar

The latest estimates on world population show 6,800,000,000 people on this planet. Out of all those people, you can rest assured that there are a considerable number who would love to be with someone like you. If you’re happy with who you are and with your behavior, I see no reason to change… unless you want to. I see no reason to hide any aspect of your self in an effort to please people who are going to think you’re someone you’re not. With the entire Internet at your disposal, I can virtually guarantee that a year-long search is going to find someone who is going to ADORE who and what you are. Just don’t give up! : )

escapedone7's avatar

I often repress certain parts of myself depending on context. You may be a very sexually open person but discussing the excitements of the Karma Sutra shouldn’t be the conversation of choice with your mom or a nun. You can suppress some things and choose the time and place to reveal them or bring them out. Similarly if you know certain things are upsetting to the person you are around making a few minor adjustments isn’t necessarily a bad thing. You can save some conversations for your best friend instead of your partner.

However, you shouldn’t have to change everything that you are. Especially superficial things like how you dress or possibly physical things you can’t even control, such as high and low energy points. (Do you think that could be something physical? Have you ever talked to a doctor about it?)

Open up a dialogue with the person you live with. I have no idea if this is a romance or just a college room mate or something. If they just have a few really bad pet peeves, like cursing, you playing your horror movies at 3 am, or smoking in the living room, then it isn’t a big deal to make some minor alterations out of consideration of the other person’s comfort zones. If they just want you to “stop being weird” or basically pretend to be someone you aren’t, then tell the person to love it or leave it. Explain you will meet them half way to compromise about particular behaviors that make them uncomfortable, (keeping the noise down after midnight, smoking in your bedroom)... but ultimately they need to accept you as who you are. Relationships though, often require open communication and sometimes some compromises about specific behaviors that drive the other person bonkers.

To clarify, you might have a bad temper and be a person that angers easily. That is your personality. You probably aren’t going to change your personality. If all she wants is for you to stop screaming at strangers in traffic jams, that is a specific behavior that can be altered.

TexasDude's avatar

Somebody I know commented on my own tendency to do this. I told someone that I have a great deal of social anxiety and they said “I would have never guessed, you come off as so confident and badass.”

It was then that I realized that I have been using a suave facade’ to compensate for my long-suffered social anxiety.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

What’s life without alittle eccentricity?
Fly that freak flag,Baby! :)

bobloblaw's avatar

Outside of basic social norms (e.g., yelling obscenities at a small child), you don’t. You are who you are. Why fight the cloth you are made of? Just be mindful of what the social context demands.

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

This is really two issues: my personality I deal with by keeping my mouth shut as much as possible. Appearance is more difficult; I generally avoid appearing in public and try to ignore others reactions to me. I try to avoid conventions of what is “normal” and judge myself only be the standard of not harming others.

LuckyGuy's avatar

Go to the library and borrow this book: “You Mean I’m Not Lazy, Stupid Or Crazy?!” by Kate Kelly and Peggy Ramundo.
You might see some parts of yourself there.
Good luck.

phillis's avatar

This is a great question for an internet group. Seriously! I make no effort hide things from others, but I have the right to divulge – or not – at my discretion. Eventually, it all comes out, anyway. I have been known to highlight a specific problem of mine, particularly if it is an issue that someone else has that causes them shame. Shame is such a destructive, pointless emotion. The best way to overcome it is to talk it out.

As to whether I am able to hide my issues, well…...not really. I’m consciously not very practiced at it, for very good reasons.

1— I consider it deceitful to those who share openly with me, and think they know me.

2— It’s personally restrictive, negatively affects potential friendships, cuts me off from others, emotinally.

3— It creates the potential for a jerk to use those things against me, should they decide to. If I hide nothing, there is nothing that can be used against me.

Viola…..everybody wins.

dutchbrossis's avatar

You can only suppress it for so long before it will drive you nuts not being yourself. I would find different people to hang around that accept you

iRemy_y's avatar

have you tried completely explaining the situation to the people you live with? i no people like you and i love hanging out with them because of how open they are with me, and generally are happy to explain everything to me. =)

davidbetterman's avatar

wear mirrored sunglasses.

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