General Question

Facade's avatar

What does it mean when a person likes the idea of a person and not the actual person?

Asked by Facade (22884points) March 11th, 2010

I never understood.

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

20 Answers

JLeslie's avatar

Maybe it is the same as saying someone is perfect on paper? Hmmm? I never heard the expression the idea of a person. I’ll be watching the answers.

ucme's avatar

It means that person is confused,probably.

Coloma's avatar

Happens all the time for those that are not fully aware.

Is called ‘projection’ or ‘transferance’ or ‘mirroring’ in psych terminology.

Meaning, essentially that often one transfers their own traits, thoguhts, behaviors, motivations unconsciously onto another. Usually a less differentiated personality that sees only what they want to see, fantasy transference etc. in another. Not bad, not uncommon, and most people will always project a little bit at times even after understanding and watching themselves diligently.

Happens in relationships all the time…then, often, the person ‘wakes up’ to the FACT that the object of their transference is NOT, in reality what they imagined. ( Operative word..IMAGINED! lol )

Examples would be not hearing someone when they say they are not, for instance, marriage or child minded. The other party sooo WANTS that to not be true, ( or the same for something you WISH were true about another ) and hence, falls into all sorts of denial and ‘magical’ thinking about how the other doesn’t REALLY mean what they say. They will change their minds, come around, etc. ad nauseum. THEN..when the denial filters dissolve the ‘guilty’ party who has been projecting/denying the reality of another often feels extremely victimized, when, infact, they are the perpetrators of mass illusion. lol

Building catles, so to speak, out of a one room cabin! hahahaha

Or, similar to the Pit Bull owner in extreme denial, saying that their salivating, growling, lunging, wild eyed dog would NEVER bite anyone!

Soooo…if one IS aware that they like the IDEA or a person..( THEIR idea ) instead of the reality of the other…that is a good sign that you are aware enough to see that dynamic at work and clear enough, psychically speaking, to not fall into the house of smoke & mirrors!

Captain_Fantasy's avatar

I don’t buy it. It sounds like a cop out for something.
It’s like saying, “theoretically I should like you, but in reality I think you suck”.
It smacks of doublespeak.

CsC's avatar

I hear it in the movies all the time, when someone gets so wrapped up with someone that they haven’t seen in a while or miss really bad, and after a while they forget who that person really is, so therefor they like the idea of a person more than the actual person.

unique's avatar

it’s like they’re great on paper…but the real deal? kinda meh.
but i also think that if someone is not living up to expectations…the expectations should be examined

shadowofdeath's avatar

Id say it would be more of an obsession with the ideal of that person which is formed inside said persons head which is almost inevitably different from that persons actual persona

unique's avatar

wait…who is @Facade ? your pic is freakin’ super familiar…

:wonders if she’s following her on twitter or something:

J0E's avatar

Telling yourself it would work when you know it really wouldn’t.

liminal's avatar

@Coloma I hate it when I walk or get dragged into that house of smoke and mirrors.

thriftymaid's avatar

You may like the idea of befriending someone you admire, but when you get to really know them you find they aren’t friend material.

kyanblue's avatar

When you think a person is amusing and interesting and likeable in the abstract, based upon small incidents that you’ve read far too much meaning into.

And then in real life you realize the two of you have nothing in common and can’t get along.

figbash's avatar

Oh, I think this happens a fair amount. You can meet someone who does all the cool or right things, happens to be highly regarded by others, or has many of the same interests as you, but for some reason, the chemistry is totally off. As a result, you either wind up not relating to them, or just really disliking the actual person behind all of the activities.

SeventhSense's avatar

This is called the human condition.

In any relationship there are six people:
1 Who you imagine you are
2.Who your partner imagines you are
3.Who you actually are (sometimes unknown to both self and partner)
Multiply by two mix well and watch the sparks.

Coloma's avatar

Hahahaha…very well said!

Violet's avatar

Example: A girl who likes bad boys, probably likes the idea of being with a good guy, but when it she gives the good guy a shot, she thinks he’s boring and isn’t attracted to him.

JeffVader's avatar

I’ll give you an example from my life. I really fancied a woman I worked with, we talked in the office etc & I immagined what she would be like as a person to be with (I dont mean sex). We started dating, at which point I realised that she was not how I had imagined her to be. Basically, I liked the idea of her, but not the reality so much.

TheOnlyException's avatar

From my experience it means being attracted to someone and wanting them so bad because of x,y and z.
You don’t actually KNOW what they are like as a person, you haven’t spent sufficient time with them to pass judgement, but from the bits and pieces you’ve gathered you have made them out to be perfect for you, maybe even ignoring obvious flaws, so that the image you have of you and them together in your head isn’t tainted.
But if and when that fantasy becomes reality, it more often than not doesn’t work so well, if at all. I am unfortunate enough to have had my little bubble burst.
Its a lot nicer when you are allowed to have your little daydreams until the attraction wears off and they don’t leave you with a bad taste in your mouth
literally if you’re that unlucky

SeventhSense's avatar

@Violet
Good girls go to heaven, bad girls go everywhere.

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