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truecomedian's avatar

How do you help someone who is hard to help?

Asked by truecomedian (3932points) March 12th, 2010

A friend of mine has a few obvious problems, having gone through many hardships, some similar, it’s hard for me to watch them make the same mistakes. Just in a general way, how to offer advice, or to help this person without making things worse.

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11 Answers

snowberry's avatar

In general, I ask them if they want help, or do they want me to just listen. I take my clues from their answer. Hint: In my experience, when I ask them that, I rarely get “I need help.” I much more often get a review of the drama up to that point.

Coloma's avatar

You can’t. Everyone must learn through their own trial & error process.
You can share if asked, listen, be compassionate, but…you know the old saying, ‘you can lead a horse to water….’

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

One informal definition of neurosis is continuing to repeat a maladaptive behaviour and expect a different outcome.

Your friend requires a trained therapist to learn from their previous experiences and to learn new more successful, adaptive behaviour responses.

What you can do to to encourage your friend to seek professional help.

OneMoreMinute's avatar

Tackling them to the ground and hog tying them works pretty good for me.

OneMoreMinute's avatar

sometimes. ;-)

OneMoreMinute's avatar

But they have to want to be tackled and tied!

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

Good luck with that.I usually stop helping them after the first 652 times. :)
If they don’t want help,it’s pointless to try IMO.

delam's avatar

By letting them know the help is there if they want it.

escapedone7's avatar

The best way to help, is NOT TO HELP.

Most of the people who repeat the same mistakes over and over again have an army of caring friends and family running along behind them cleaning up their mess, bailing them out, giving them a place to stay, shoveling out the money after the person mishandled the first hand out, and never letting them face the full natural consequences of their dysfunction.

Sometimes, people have to feel consequences to learn. It is only then that they realize what they are doing isn’t working.

ZEPHYRA's avatar

Let them learn their lesson alone. No matter what you say, sometimes a person simply has to learn by himself – put theory into practice!

whome's avatar

Depends on whether they want help. May be you have some sort of dependancy need having a number of similar people in your life and now another… If they truely need help you can tell the truth and offer love and support but not to be abused. As long as they act in a hurtful or useing way to you stand by your right to not be abused and excuse them from your life until they decide to act appropriate. Or, if you enjoy them let each of you live your lives your own ways and if you eventually grow apart fine. But if you’re dependant to have a trouble case to solve that is too much so you feel as if you’re needed but can’t help then get out of any and all such relationships and get into therapy.

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