Social Question

coogan's avatar

If marriage wasn't a future consideration in your relationship, why would you continue?

Asked by coogan (687points) March 14th, 2010

People go through their paces with various partners, but if you knew you didn’t want to marry this person, would you still stay with them? Do you settle until the next best person arrives?

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56 Answers

njnyjobs's avatar

for mutual companionship

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Because, for some people getting married legally isn’t a possibility. Because, for others the institution represents something they don’t support. Because, for the rest of us, a piece of paper doesn’t equal love and shouldn’t.

faye's avatar

In Alberta living together for 3 months is commom-law so you’re already there. Marriage is a pledge of being together and in love and I think it’s beautiful if you do find it. That said, my friend has been with her mate for 36 years and they’ve never gotten married, though I guess they still might some day. I think living together and planning things for the future is important.

Your_Majesty's avatar

No. I don’t live with someone I don’t love.

john65pennington's avatar

My daughter is in exactly this situation. she is living with this man and has for five years. she is waiting for him to ask her to marry her, but something is stalling him. they have had serious talks and no wedding bells in sight. it seems that another woman dumped him and he is afraid to take the marriage step, again. it was hard for me to advise my daughter, since she has family roots in the town they are living. my personal opinion is to dump this man, load all her family on an airplane and head back to Tennessee. she advised me that she is saving her money just for this purpose. i did not want to interfere in her personal life. she just now asked for my advice and the above is what i told her. she and the family will be back home in two years, once she has saved enough money for the trip. in about a year, i plan on giving her the balance for the trip, but don’t tell her.

le_inferno's avatar

For the experience…dating is fun even if you don’t immediately find your soul mate. A close relationship with someone is never wasted time. The path that leads you to the one you eventually marry is usually a quite colorful and interesting part of life.

KatawaGrey's avatar

Because marriage isn’t necessarily the culmination of every relationship. I certainly don’t want to get married but that doesn’t mean I’m going to eschew romantic companionship. If you spend all your time looking for a future spouse, you’re not going to find one. Instead, you’re going to alienate a lot of wonderful people who could be your life partners.

wundayatta's avatar

The assumption behind this question just baffles me. It suggests that if a relationship isn’t going to end in marriage, it’s worthless. That just appalls me. It is so wrong I don’t even know how to begin to talk about it. Yuck!

lilikoi's avatar

Because you don’t believe in marriage.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@wundayatta lol, that’s the first time ever I saw you use ‘yuck’ instead of better explaining it in 20 sentences

unique's avatar

i’ve done this for great sex…

Draconess25's avatar

Well, me & my 2 best friends are going out. We can’t be legally married because:
1.) We’re all girls, &
2.) All 3 of us can’t get married together.

And some people may not have the money.

wundayatta's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir Are you trying to eclipse me?

Her avatar at the time of this writing was a picture of an eclipse.

davidbetterman's avatar

Because the sex is fantastic.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@wundayatta haha, I love that you have to tell ‘em what it was because you know it’ll get changed like tomorrow

wundayatta's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir I’m glad you think it’s funny. Having to explain a joke to keep it making sense is like making out with your grandmother.

davidbetterman's avatar

OMIGAWD!!!you made out with your grandmother?!?!?!

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@wundayatta she’s got a great set of new teeth and is quite the looker still p.s.

TexasDude's avatar

Personal perspective time:

I wouldn’t mind being involved in a committed relationship that never lead to marriage, simply because I like the idea of being “happily unmarried.” You know, like Gene Simmons and his un-wife. The whole idea of marriage is silly anyway, and that’s coming from me- a strict monogamist.

wundayatta's avatar

@davidbetterman I won’t tell them you’re my Grandmother if you don’t tell them we made out.

davidbetterman's avatar

@wundayatta Tell the world I am in your granny. I don’t mind. We are in love!!!!

thriftymaid's avatar

Not every relationship is destined for marriage; there are a thousands reasons.

wundayatta's avatar

@davidbetterman You say that now, but you won’t let me get you out of your Depends. Come on. You gotta put out!

kess's avatar

With intention For marriage is the only right, proper and decent way to approach relationships.

Anything less is demeaning to those involved and is the main foundational issue in most societal problems.

KatawaGrey's avatar

@kess: Seriously? Do you actually believe this? So, because I have no intention of getting married, I’m causing most societal problems?

And they say one person can’t make a difference.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@kess Wait I thought the main ‘foundational’ issues were Communist Atheists, no?

KatawaGrey's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir: Oh no, silly, it’s those damn gay atheists that are screwing everything up.

kess's avatar

All true things are founded upon this principle.

The Two becoming one.

The marriage was intended to show us this principle.

I do understand if you do not understand, for not many are able.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@kess what are ‘all true things’? why would anyone want to lose themselves and become one instead of two people? and a partnership is about love not legality. And while we’re on the subject, marriage was ‘made’ so that villages can interact and build bigger villages and exchange their women for their crap.

KatawaGrey's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir: Don’t forget uniting empires! That’s why the royal families in Europe are riddled with hemophilia.

@kess: The nature of relationships has evolved since the institution of marriage was, well, instituted. Marriage is one way to express love. It is not the only way. Like @Simone_De_Beauvoir said, losing yourself into the “one” is not such a great way to end. I am myself and mayhaps I will join with someone else who is an entirely separate self and we will be ourselves together. There is nothing bad about this.

kess's avatar

Where ever there is two there is division there is conflict and death.

When the two become one, it becomes true and truth show the good and all good things grow exponentially.

That is the the power of love shown by marriage which is from the very begining.

Now we have relationships where the two remain as divided as two where no good thing can grow.

It’s not the ceremony that the key in marriage is the commitment to the unity.

TexasDude's avatar

That’s some metaphysical shit right there

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@kess The committment to unity doesn’t necessitate marriage – I am married (cause of the benefits attached to this insitution not because I believe in it) and we have two wonderful kids…yet we remain rooted in our individuality…yet you say no good can grow of that…you’d see how wrong you are if you saw my kids’ faces.
@Fiddle_Playing_Creole_Bastard lol

kess's avatar

The commitment to unity is marriage.
But since that understanding have changed, there are many shades of it’s meaning.

This society as a whole is the product these shades of meaning.

To accurately judge something you cannot go by mere appearances, but you must look toward it’s character.

Neither should you compare among the things that are relative. But compare that which is relative only to that which is absolut.
Then you can know it’s true Character.

There are absolutes.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@kess You can’t tell people what meaning they’re supposed to get out of love and relationships. And plenty of people experience real love, not just the appearnce of it. And there is no reason to capitalize the word character, thanks much – it doesn’t make your statement any more sensible. And marriage, as a societal institution can not be an absolut.

OpryLeigh's avatar

If my relationship with my partner is meaningless because we don’t believe in marriage then so be it. I am more than happy to be in a meaningless relationship with him for the rest of my life, in fact, I never want to be meaningless with anyone else.

@kess Everything you have just spouted about above sounds like brainwashed bollocks to me and in case you haven’;t noticed, the divorce rate has been rather high for the past few decades so your “two becoming one” BS doesn’t really hold much weight for me. I know what my relationship means to me and in case anyone misunderstood my above comment, it is FAR from meaningless in my opinion and nothing anyone says about how we should or should not be together is not going too change that fact.

@Simone_De_Beauvoir I agree with everything you have said on this thread.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@Leanne1986 srslly, it’s a little non sensical around this thread lately

kess's avatar

Since all things in this life serve to teach us the nature of life itself.

And marriage is one of the principal issues that can teach us many things about this life.

My intention and purpose is not to judge each individual’s relationship situation, for they are all relative to their circumstances.

But merely to show that there is an absolute, a perfection, a purity that marriage was intended to teach that can benefit us in this lifetime and the next.

My friends there are many greater and bigger things that can be learnt from marriage if you look past your individual biases based on your relationships.

The lessons can answer many issues of Life itself.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@kess Okay, marriage can teach us about life but so can a relationship that’s deep and meaningful. And this perfection, this inherent ‘purity of marriage’ – who intended to teach it? please don’t say god, please don’t say god Then you said “My friends there are many greater and bigger things that can be learnt from marriage if you look past your individual biases based on your relationships.” and you’ve lost me, again…but you have to give me an A for effort…since I believe everyone else has given up.

kess's avatar

I have said earlier that many are not able understand…

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@kess ..because your statements make no sense, not because it’s hard to understand – are you under some sort of an impression that what you write are pearls of wisdom?

OpryLeigh's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir I GA’d you for your effort and the fact that you have remained quite polite to @kess when all I want to do is tell him/her to stop preaching about this “purity of marriage” bollocks.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@Leanne1986 Well because I do want to tease out what is being said and thank you.

kess's avatar

I see a mob mindset…

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@kess Mob mindsets are everywhere. I’m sure you got your ideas from someplace: a book, others told you, etc.

kess's avatar

That may be true about you, not surprising then about the mindset. . .

Unlike you I need no man to teach me for life in me teaches me all things….

It can be the same for you but you must lose your mob mindset…

KatawaGrey's avatar

@kess: Wait a minute, you’re the one saying that a relationship must lead to marriage yet you’re assuming that because @Simone_De_Beauvoir is saying the opposite, that she needs a man to complete her. Sounds to me like you’re the one who needs a man to complete her.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@kess Ah yes, how wise – please let me lose my mob mindset and instead move over to your…eh…more clarified mindset that speaks of Truth, Character, Purity, Unity, fralllaaalalala, blahalalalah..Unicorns!
@katawagrey – hush, do not fool @kess – they know what’s up…I love my father in heaven very very much and listen to his every word.

OpryLeigh's avatar

@kess So, because someone has a different opinion to you, they have a mob mindset. Marriage might be the best thing for you but this is not the case for everyone, have you ever heard of the saying “each to their own”? Why does it bother you if people don’t want to get married but instead live together? They aren’t hurting anyone and chances are they are very happy. Get married if that’s what you want but stop judging others for their decision not to get married.

Sophief's avatar

Of course I would continue. Marriage or no marriage, I am in this because I love him and want to be with him, not for a ring!

kess's avatar

The eyes in the head tells a very different story.

For if they both chooses to go each their own way, then they are neither good for the head nor the body.

Though they both still see they are good as dead to the body itself, for they are not married (committed to unity) and their “life” is their own death.

The same with relationships where there is no commitment to unity.

All who refuses to learn this belong to death, for death belongs to such and they are not able to see no further less they would see life.

So it is quite true “to each His own”.

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