General Question

blue_student's avatar

Should I tolerate this person?

Asked by blue_student (23points) March 14th, 2010

I have a friend (I call him AB), actually I do not know if he should be called a friend, that often gives me the impression that he is deceiving me. Once while walking with AB and another friend, we stopped to buy some beer. The other friend bought himself beer and also lent AB money. I decided to buy a beer too, but I was $1 short, I asked AB if he could lend me $ 1, but he said that he did not have $ 1. We kept walking and then we stopped again and AB bought himself a beer and also lent the other friend money. I thought about saying: “But you said you had no money!?” but I did not say that. Maybe the explanation to this was that he had a $10-bill but not $1. What is really weird is that I had lent him money many times before. And that was one of the few times when I asked him to lend me money.

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25 Answers

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Money is a sticky issue between friends – people have such different ideas about it, how to give it, who to give it to…I don’t get why.. I try to be easy going with it. You should talk to your friend about some of this.

wundayatta's avatar

I can’t tell whether you should tolerate this person based on the information you’ve provided here. Presumably there is a lot more to your relationship than buying beer.

I will point out that you do tolerate him, and you do know his character. What you’ve told us in the details doesn’t seem like enough to write someone out of your life.

jazmina88's avatar

dont lend money….it cant bring down a friendship. Some people are out for themselves.
if you just like to go and drink, go on…..and just accept it for what it is.

But if you are a person into deep and trusting relationships, this guy in not in your inner circle.

You know the difference. what you do with it, is up to you. Just make sure he pays you back and never lend him money again.

trailsillustrated's avatar

doesn’t sound like a friend to me

lfino's avatar

Have there been other instances where you feel AB has lied to you? Did you pay AB back when he has lent you money?

SeventhSense's avatar

This guy’s a dick and he’s fucking with you. Kick him in the nads and have the last laugh.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@SeventhSense Yeah, real great advice.

SeventhSense's avatar

Probably best to pour a glass of beer on him while he’s down as well just to emphasize your point.

delam's avatar

That sucks. And it’s weird.

john65pennington's avatar

He deceived you. if AB only had a 10 dollar bill, he would have told you so and he would have to get change, in order to give you the dollar. AB knew what he was doing and i hope you have learned a lesson here.

Pandora's avatar

Just don’t lend him money any more. When he asks why, tell him what you told us. That should at least stop the worm from borrowing from you.

blue_student's avatar

I think that I paid him back every time he lent me money. But I was the one who lent money the most times. But it was never a lot of money, only a few $ each time. I agree with the people that said that I should not lend him money anymore. That is what I am going to do. But if AB does ask me for money, and he knows that I have money, and then I tell him that I won’t lend him money, because of the episode that happened 1,5 years ago, maybe he will think that I am being weird by still remembering something that happened long ago.

There have been other instances where I felt AB was being weird. Once we agreed on a meeting place and time. 1 hour before the time he called me saying that he could not make it that day, and that he would come to my city only the next day. The next day, we meet, and we talk and do stuff, later on, a friend of AB arrives, they talk, and later on he tells his friend that yesterday he was in my city! I found it weird, but then I thought that maybe he had changed plans after calling me the day before, and finally he came to my city the day before. But I found it weird that he did not mention it when he met me the next day.

lilikoi's avatar

All this over a buck?

chyna's avatar

He is a deceiver, stay away from him. He doesn’t add anything to your life, why would you want him in it?

PandoraBoxx's avatar

According to your example, the $10 AB had was money lent to him by your other friend. Technically, AB did not have money—he had $10 he borrowed from your other friend.

As Benjamin Franklin says, “Neither a borrower or a lender be.” It’s what preserves friendships. Everyone minds their own money.

lillycoyote's avatar

Only you can decide. One of the great things about friends, as opposed to family, which you’re pretty much stuck with (except under extreme circumstances or unless you’re just kind of a jerk) is that you get to choose whether or not you want them in your life. Some people are just weird about money, and you kind of have to deal with it, live with it, if the rest of the person, the rest of the friendship is worth the trouble, is worth overlooking it. We all have flaws, deficits, and neuroses. And our friends, at least mine certainly, all have flaws, deficits, and neuroses. Good friends are hard to come by and worth keeping. Idiots and jackasses and thieves and deceivers are a dime a dozen and if you find that one or more of your friends falls into one of those categories, you are better off without them. But, if that’s just the way the guy is but in general he’s a good guy in most other areas, then yes, you probably should tolerate the areas in which he is not perfect. Like I said, only you can decide.

SeventhSense's avatar

I still say kick him in the nads. It’s the only solution.

blue_student's avatar

AB did have money before, but he asked the other one to buy him a beer because he was already buying a beer. This way, the other person that was already there bought himself a beer and also bought AB a beer. AB had money from the start. When I said that the other friend lent AB money, what really happened was that the other friend bought AB a beer, but expecting to be paid back by AB

There are so many answers in so little time! It’s great!

thriftymaid's avatar

The moral of your little story is buy your own beer or don’t have one.

TLRobinson's avatar

He doesn’t like you at the same level you appear to like him. It’s time for you to reevaluate.

Silhouette's avatar

It’s already grating on you. Something is telling you not to tolerate it and the best advice I can give you is to trust your instincts.

plethora's avatar

@john65pennington @blue_student @Silhouette and more. Good advice. The guy pulled a scam right before your eyes. Don’t trust him in the slightest. He is dishonest in his dealings and cavalier about asking others for money. The amount doesn’t matter. If he’ll screw his other friend and you over a beer, he’ll do it for a lot more too.

jazmina88's avatar

you dont have to tell him why you r not lending him money and bring drama into it.

just say you dont lend money anymore.

margot23annie's avatar

Maybe he secretly thinks you’re an alcoholic and doesn’t want to be an enabler. Try asking him for a buck to buy some gum, and if he still says no, dump him.

lfino's avatar

@blue_student, I don’t think this guy seems like much of a friend. Friends should be friendly, they should be fun, and you should be able to trust them. Sometimes things do come up that mess up plans, and if they’re being honest, they’ll tell you about that. This person isn’t being friendly, isn’t being much fun, and isn’t being honest. I’d back away and find friends that do care about you.

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