Social Question

Soubresaut's avatar

Why is it so hard to open up to people?

Asked by Soubresaut (12334points) March 14th, 2010

Do you find it hard? Even when you know, even when the people have told you, that they care about you so so much? Even when someone, or some people, want you to be more open? Even when you trust them? Is it still hard? Are you scared? What do you do? How do you open up?
Or do you stay sealed tight? And what happens?
And if you don’t relate to that, necessarily, then, just in general, is it hard for you to open up? Why? And how do you find the courage to do so? Do you?

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17 Answers

Silhouette's avatar

I am a very direct and open person and to tell you the truth I’m not sure where it came from. I was very shy as a girl and kept my cards close to my vest. I had the courage I just didn’t have the confidence, I guess that came with age.

Milk's avatar

I used to keep everything to myself, but as life got more routine and boring I’ve become more open with people. Almost to the point that i tell my life story to every person that walks into my job.

ninjacolin's avatar

Everything is hard for the inexperienced mind to do.

paintmeblue's avatar

We’re scared. We often don’t want the bubble we’ve placed around ourselves to burst. It’s easier to live a lie than it is to tell the truth, most often.

coogan's avatar

I’m extremely open, but everything has to be done in context. There are some discussions that aren’t appropriate with certain people. Telling your girlfriends dad that she’s got this great ball tickling trick and if her mom does it to him probably won’t fly (not that I’ve done that). Work situations can be tricky as well. Smaller settings might allow it, but in larger groups, people might resent you being more personable toward others. The best way to learn is to get burned a few times, just like with the boiling pot as a kid. You’ll wise up.

Captain_Fantasy's avatar

It all comes down to confidence. If you have a good attitude about yourself, opening up isn’t as hard. It just kinda flows when you’re in a good groove.

faye's avatar

@Milk made me smile! I’ve never had any problems. If a few people that are friends get to sharing or as a couple. Though there is never a need anywhere to share every sexual experience you’ve ever had!

poisonedantidote's avatar

im open with the people i chose to be open with.

in my teens i was not open with people at all, i was arrogant and i thought i knew everything, i was completely full of shit and lived in my own little fantasy world in my head, furthermore i was in denial of these things. its really hard to be open and honest with people when you are not even honest and open with your self. deep down i knew i was full of it, and was constantly trying to suppress my own self loathing and fool my self that i was the bees knees. i remind my self of rimmer from the show red dwarf when i look back on how i was, a neurotic narcissist.

now that i am older and more matured i can be very honest and open, and see my self more as a normal person. i finally like who i am, i guess i found my self. however it still takes me quite some effort to decide im going to be honest and open with a person, its mainly a defensive thing i think.

i also think that the reason i get so angry and frustrated when people dont believe me or trust me is because of my younger years, im now aware that im being honest and open because i have to consciously choose to be so, and i think thats what gets to me when im not believed, it kind of makes my honesty feel like a waste of time, and always makes me question if i should just go back to manipulating and tricking people.

mike252's avatar

Survival dictates the risk-ratio of opening up vs. not opening up. There is overall more risk in putting thoughts feelings and vulnerabilities in the hands of other people, who could then exploit these possible weaknesses. Thus building positive trust relationships takes time. Small children are more open because they can’t assess these risks and inherently understand that other people (especially adults) are much better suited for caretaking than the children themselves. Also, children are in the “scramble” process of gathering information and organizing their world and personalities. This requires much more open-ness and much more risk taking, not to mention the overall body metabolism of energy, having energy to put into socializing. Finally, one’s early year relationships as an infant and child dictate the future ease of socializing with each individual. Positive childhood interactions breed increased socializing over time. Negative childhood interactions breed more distrust and decreased socializing overall.

YARNLADY's avatar

People who have the feeling you are asking about usually have low self esteem and they are afraid they will be hurt.

delam's avatar

It should be hard. It’s never good to share more than is necessary as it could come back to haunt you later. I have learned the hard way that it’s better to know people well before telling them private things.

thriftymaid's avatar

Sometimes it just takes meeting the right person.

Tina364's avatar

People who are not open people are tuff to work with, but if you try and try maybe who can get to there deeper feelings. I would know i have a friend like that.

Sophief's avatar

My boyfriend is like that, he is the most closed up person I know. I think the answer is time, and a lot of it.

Drawkward's avatar

I find it difficult. People, as a general rule, suck.

ttttw's avatar

Well, I have always been acting so perfect. I have phobia of imperfection, I guess. I am acting the way people want me to act. All my frineds come to me when they need help, i go to them when “I feel that they need help”. i treat them with such a great sensitivity, making them feel so relaxed, although nobody does this to me. They love me a lot and so do I, but I am keeping a distance between me and them, because i know that they will never help me the way i want them to do, and i would never want to get attached to someone that will leave me one day.
I feel so confused and lost right now, not knowing who am I and what shall I do. I am not even knowing if what I am doing right know is right or wrong. I am afraid of talking to my parents, sisters, and friends, about what I am going through, fearing that they would know what I am truly going through and change their point of view toward me. I will only be able to talk to the one who i wont be seeing anymore after I tell him everything about me.
I wish I could get rid of this problem! I am so tired of everything!

ttttw's avatar

I wish that someone would ask me to tell him what is going through my mind, and that person would get me, and be honest.

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