How do i learn to not feel bad about the way I speak and How to not feel hated?

Hey. all I’m male in my early 30’s

I’m shy, quiet, and a baaaaaaad speaker. i have no speaking skills. My brain is slow too.

Anyways, whenever i talk to someone i feel i’m garbage because my voice sounds stupid and i can’t talk like anybody else. I’m not fluent in speech and i lack vocab and stuff. Moreover, i have an accent and i always feel like all the ones that don’t have an accent think i’m crap.

I try to not think about that, but it always comes back to me.
And when i meet people, i always feel like they hate me. and that they would rather not see me.

then i start getting suicidal thoughts, thinking that i’m a piece of trash a piece of c**p.

Then becaues of my sad experiences with foreigners( having being ignored and having been told i’m not american just because i dont talk like americans in movies etc etc), whever i try to make friends with foreigners I also feel like they think i’m garbage and then i always get really sad and
then i start to get away from them and then we lose contact. I always feel they would rather meet outgoing americans speak like like the ones in movies or shows( MTV’s real world, for example)

Just recently i managed to meet some foreigners, I feel like i want to give it up already… They may not hate me, but i feel it.

This is not just about befriending foreigners, btw. but that was an example