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trailsillustrated's avatar

Here's another one, what's fair here? (please see details)

Asked by trailsillustrated (16794points) March 19th, 2010

I have written of my familial problems here before- My daughter has been living with me for about one month. My son lives with my ex, very far away. My now husband paid for all the paperwork and one way fare for my daughter to come, about $2100.00, plus she will be going to private school. My ex wrote to me wanting us to pay ½ of my sons’ airfare to come to this country for a visit in June (about $1500.00). My ex says it is to visit our daughter, who by that time will have been gone from his home almost 4 months, and his itinerery includes visiting other cities and friends. It doesn’t sound like I will have much time with my son. We have offered repeatedly to fly my son over for a week to 10 days to visit us here and stay in our home. My ex always said he could only do it if my ex came too, so it never came off. He had no problem with my daughter flying that distance by herself. Now that my ex wants a holiday over here, this has come up. I don’t know how to sort it out. I don’t know what to say to my children without sounding like the dead beat ogre my ex has made me out to be. I don’t know if I can ask my now husband for this money.

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7 Answers

edmann13's avatar

Specify children’s ages?

tinyfaery's avatar

If you are paying half then you should get to see him for half the time. Fair and square.

cazzie's avatar

Your visitation rights to your son should have NOTHING to do with whether your ex travels with him or not. At 14, the children can safely travel on their own, so his ‘argument’ does NOT hold up. If they plan a trip over… you can be expected to pay for half of your son’s fare but NOT your ex’s, but if this is just ‘vacation time’ with is father who is going to travel around with him, then I don’t think you should being paying the full half of the airfare. If he’s asking for full or half then he’s just using you to subsidise his holiday and that’s not fair. Just my opinion.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

My shackles are up, sounds like your ex sees the amicable relationship/communication between you, your now husband and him in order to push the envelope and see how generous the two of you are for him to get some perks riding on the want for you to see your children. grrrr

wundayatta's avatar

You can pay for your son, and your ex can pay for himself. If he can’t afford it—then how can he take care of your son?

trailsillustrated's avatar

@wundayatta – I pay for all my sons clothes, his internet service, his cable tv plus send him cash. I pay child support which has not changed even though my daughter is here. I am not sure where they plan on staying (with people they havent seen in 8 years? wierd) – so that might be how he takes care of him.

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