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ducky_dnl's avatar

I'm still feeling hopeless, but my life is starting to look up... what should I do?

Asked by ducky_dnl (5376points) March 19th, 2010

Everything is going great for me, but I still feel hopeless. Every time I get an ounce of happiness, I’m flooded by feelings of hopelessness and dejection. I met a new friend who I really like. He is on my friends basketball team and he is really sweet. He is somewhat an introvert like me and he doesn’t seem like a braindead jock. I just feel like if I like someone else, I’m just giving up on my fantasy of my friend. I know the options are either A. I live with my fantasy of my friend who passed away, with no one because I will feel horrible and hate them for trying to get rid of my friend.. replace him. Or B. Forget my friend and start a new. I don’t have it in me to leave my fantasy. If that goes, I go. I’d become so hurt, I’d die from stress straining my heart muscles.. AKA broken heart syndrome. I hate when people say “it takes time.” No, it doesn’t. I could choose to not care and live carelessly, but this is what I’m choosing. Not one person can make us feel anything. We put the feelings into ourselves. I don’t think I should continue seeing any of my friends at the gym. I get breaks from the hospital, but seeing them is useless. I might as well rot in my bed. I know that if I still love my fantasy, then whars the point right?

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7 Answers

marinelife's avatar

You really need to rejoin the world. Your friend would not want you isolating and being miserable.

Have an imaginary conversation with him. Imagine him viewing your life since his death, and imagine what he would say to you.

He would want you to live and to be happy.

poisonedantidote's avatar

i dont know about you, but this always puts me in a good mood.

susanc's avatar

Agree with marinelife; but perhaps you’ll need more than one conversation with your lost friend, drawing on the love you can’t live in the old way.
This is a transition time, a little bit magical. When your heart is legitimately committed to someone, the fact that they died doesn’t release you emotionally. You get credit for having a true heart. Listen; be reassured; don’t be rushed; let your new life in at your own speed. Sudden is fine; slow is fine.
Wish I could take this pain away from you, but it’s going to go away at its own speed.

Trillian's avatar

Try some upbeat music. This always makes me feel better, and so does this. For whatever reason, music really is a cathartic and can affect your mood. Don’t listen to negative crap, this may be something that you should start every day with. it could set you up for a great day every time. Feel better sugar.

Response moderated
killerkadoogen's avatar

Okay, being a recluse is only going to make things worse.. Ya got to get out. You don’t have to forget about him. Still get out and enjoy life with people. Sometimes changing something about oneself helps moving on to a new beginning. Weather it be getting a haircut, dressing differently, or trying a new activity that you have never done before. For me it was shaving off my beard, quitting alcohol and video games, eating better, listening to inspirational music. But that is me.. You have to choose your own path. Just make it a positive one. Keep yourself busy… When you have nothing to do you will dwell.

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

Do not give up! You will find the right answer for yourself over time. No one else can tell you what will work for you. Just keep trying and never let the hopelessness fool you into thinking you won’t ever feel better. You will.

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