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KatieDiez's avatar

How do I break up with my fiance that I'm cheating on?

Asked by KatieDiez (18points) March 23rd, 2010

I got with my boyfriend when I was 19 and we are going on our 3rd year. I recently cheated on him and out of guilt I told him what happened. I expected him to leave me but he did the opposite, he was crushed but said we can get through it together and then he asked me to marry him. I was caught up in the moment and said yes. He never did anything wrong and never hurt me. I am still seeing the guy I cheated on him with and I don’t know how to break up with him without hurting him…again.

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25 Answers

Rarebear's avatar

You might want to put the brakes on the relationship before you break up.

jfos's avatar

Tell him straight up that you don’t want to marry him. Stop making him believe that you love him. The sooner you free him, the happier he will be.

janbb's avatar

This is one of those painful things that you really just have to woman up and do. If you’re sure, tell him. (If you want to be with him, stop cheating.) It will be painful but dragging it out and continuing to hurt him will not serve anybody well. People are resilient; he will get over it.

bellusfemina's avatar

You need to grow some balls and end it. It is really messed up that you go on cheating on your fiance.

CMaz's avatar

Look her in the eyes and say…

I break with thee… I break with thee… I break with thee… Then you throw dog poop on her shoes.

Ok.. Ok.. You just end it. I know you want to provide an explanation you both can live with. But you wont. Because there is none.
It would be better for her to be confused then confused, heart broken and betrayed.

Idknown's avatar

LOL you said yes?

I am sorry – but – I find nothing wrong with you sleeping around or wanting to see other people. I was in the same shoes. But I never would have done it while in a relationship.

You say you don’t want to hurt him… but you told him and then you keep seeing the guy you cheated on him with. Then you said YES to his marriage proposal… WOW.

You really are a catch!

Do everyone a favor and just crush your ‘fiance’s’ heart. You obviously don’t want him. And he obviously doesn’t deserve you.

Next time – do the right thing. Tiger Woods did nothing wrong – except that he was married. Jackie Chan – sleeps with all sorts of women – the guy’s not married though… Don’t cheat – just break up!

Likeradar's avatar

You’re still cheating on him and you’re using the pathetic excuse that you don’t want to hurt him? Either you’re that stupid or you think we are. You are hurting him. If you didn’t want to hurt him you wouldn’t be having sex with someone else. You’re just trying to save your own ass.

Tell him that he made a terrible decision about who to share his life with, pack your shit, and grow up far away from him.

Your_Majesty's avatar

Say that you can’t love him anymore and your relationship won’t work any further for both of you. He must accept your decision. It’s your life after all. If you don’t feel like to be with this guy then you won’t feel happy in your household if you marry him. Leave him nicely.

Idknown's avatar

@Doctor_D I agree with the Doc. DON’T CONFESS CHEATING ON HIM STILL.

Poor guy… women are ruthless…

jealoustome's avatar

Time to grow up. You want to leave him to be more independent? It doesn’t sound like it. It sounds like you want to continue dating the other guy. You need to leave him and the other guy, too. You need to spend some time being a grown up and acting like one, too. We all make mistakes, time on your own will be a good way to start working on yourself so you can become a person that you are proud to be.

Edit: Oh,yeah, and to answer your question: tell him the truth! Be brutally honest so you don’t end up agreeing to get married next week!

JeffVader's avatar

Well, I’m sorry to say but you are going to hurt him…. no avoiding it. It really boils down to how badly you want to hurt him. If you only want to cause upset, break up with him now, just be honest & tell him what you’ve told us. However, if you really want to screw him over for years, keep on cheating & don’t tell him until you either get caught, or leave him at the alter….. the choice is yours!

Response moderated
Sophief's avatar

Well, you obviously don’t care much about him, so just end it. Your already hurting him.

bellusfemina's avatar

Just want to add something else- you are creating horrible “relationship karma” (or however you want to think of it) for yourself. One day, you will be with someone that you are madly in love with that will cheat on you! I’ve seen this happen with a girl I know. While she was married, she cheated on her husband with about 10 different people. Now, she is approaching 40, and cannot find a nice guy. Every guy she falls for cheats on her/treats her like crap. I think it’s because of the way she treated her husband while they were together.

JeffVader's avatar

@Cruiser Nice one…. if I was ever gonna get dumped, thats the way I choose!

marinelife's avatar

Please let me add to all of the above wisdom. To say you don’t want to hurt him is ridiculous. You have been hurting him by cheating on him and wanting to be “on your own” while dating him.

Tell him it is over. Tell him you made a mistake saying yes to his proposal.

Do not tell him you are seeing another guy.

Do not be ambiguous about the break-up. No confusion. No friends. It is over.

Sophief's avatar

@marinelife Absolutely agree.

johnny0313x's avatar

Well if you want the best of both worlds…maybe ask your fiance how he feels about the other guy and in the words of Britney Spears…1,2,3, not only you and me gettin down with 3P :)

wundayatta's avatar

It doesn’t matter whether you cheated on him or not. There is no easy way to break up with someone. You will hurt him. Do it fast and completely. No looking back. No attempts to make him feel better. That will only drag it out and make it worse.

You are involved with someone you don’t want to be involved with. It is against your nature to hurt him. Yet hurt him you must. You must chop this relationship off fast. It’s like pulling off a bandaid. It hurts so much more if you do it slowly than it does if you get it over all at once. Hurts like hell at first, but drops off fast. The kindest thing you can do for him is to cut if off today. Right now, if possible.

Idknown's avatar

After calming down with the initial response, I can’t help but feel – what a nice dude. To forgive you for cheating, and not only take you back, but ask for your hand in marriage.

It’s okay if you can’t appreciate it – but let him out and let other women appreciate him. I always thought nice guys finished last. But when I was single – that was just not true. Apparently there aren’t as many nice guys as we were led to believe and there are many people looking for their ‘nice guy/girl’.

I hope when you’re ready @KatieDiez, you’ll find your nice guy.

cak's avatar

Wow. A little late on the don’t want to hurt him part.

End it, and end it now. Don’t commit to someone else before you have time to mature about relationships.

Thing I always tell my children (16 and 7)...Treat others feelings and heart the same way you want your heart and emotions treated. Maybe you need to examine the way you treat people and want to be treated.

Good luck.

thriftymaid's avatar

Gee, you are so sensitive to his feelings. Tell him you are not going to marry him then get the heck away from him. He deserves to be rid of you whether he realizes it or not.

SuperMouse's avatar

Let him go. Just let him go now. You have already hurt him. At this point think of ending this relationship the way you might think of taking off a band-aid; rip it off quick and put the guy out of his misery. He deserves better.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

Start with “I am the wrong girl for you. I am a dishonest cheat and I lied to you when I said yes to your proposal. You deserve better than me.” And then walk out the door.

Janka's avatar

There’s no way to do it without hurting him.

The choices are to hurt him now, as respectfully as is still possible, or to lie to him some more and hurt him worse in the future.

Take my advice from experience, and do the right thing now. Just tell him the truth.

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