Social Question

Idknown's avatar

Why don't guys get romanced more?

Asked by Idknown (1118points) March 23rd, 2010

I mean… not to sound like a girl or anything – but why is it that girls don’t make more of an effort to romance guys? We need love too! I’m just tired of these women that sit around and wait for us to do something special. Or even worse!: tell us we don’t do anything special for them and that we don’t love them no more… What about us?

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58 Answers

njnyjobs's avatar

classic gender roles?

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

Oh,but they do :)

phil196662's avatar

Woman have a different way to romance the guy’s, but sometimes I think they really should do more.

wundayatta's avatar

We’re hairy, and some of us are bald. What’s to romance?

jamienoble's avatar

Because a lot of women are spoiled and think they don’t have to.

Of course they’re are lots of great women out there who are not like that.

and speaking for myself as a man, I expect to be doing more of the romantic things than the woman.

Idknown's avatar

@phil196662 Maybe I take that for granted. Because if you put it in that way – what you’re doing is devaluing your part in the that. I for one think I’m bringing in my share of romance there – so I’m only looking about what else.

@njnyjobs I agree with you. It is gender roles, and I do plan on doing the romantic stuff most of the time. But why is it that girls barely even try and they get away with it, and I have to constantly rack my mind for the newest date ideas and romantic places to go?

hug_of_war's avatar

Because men act like they don’t want it, if men were more expressive about their needs they would be easier met

liminal's avatar

You need to meet some different women.

Idknown's avatar

@liminal No doubt about it. Again – I am not saying that NO women romance their men, but I’m saying in my opinion, and in my opinion and experience – this is pretty wide spread and general.

Are there any other guys that feel this way? Are we too manly to admit it?

j0ey's avatar

I find that men LOVE it when you comment on how beautiful they are. Even really attractive guys are seldom told they are attractive….men have to hear it too.

marinelife's avatar

I think you need to meet or cultivate a different kind of woman. I romance my husband all the time. I cook him special dinners. I pick up little things he would like (books, movies, etc.). I have bought him flowers. I write him love notes. I put special treats in his lunch. I send him youtube references or share things with him.

ucme's avatar

This last Valentines Day my wife licked chocolate from my “gentleman’s vegetables”.I felt well & truly romanced that night for sure,sighs contentedly!!

j0ey's avatar

@ucme hahahahahahaha

ucme's avatar

@j0ey ;¬} Baby roo’s are so cute.

CyanoticWasp's avatar

What do you have in mind, anyway, @Idknown?

I mean, I don’t go in for bubble baths and flower bouquets and mash notes all that much—although one of my recent girlfriends did send a flower arrangement to me at work. I got razzed about it (from a bunch of jealous co-workers) for months—so I made sure to keep the flowers prominently displayed on the corner of my desk.

But each of the last three women I’ve been with has come to me first; I feel pretty well and truly romanced. More often than not. And with the opinion most people seem to have of me as a sarcastic and mean old crank (which isn’t often far from the truth) I’ll bet there are people falling out of chairs right now.

Trillian's avatar

Trust me. I know how to romance a man. I can’t help that I’ve spent most of the last ten years alone or with one man who was a total waste of time. I’ll be more careful in my selection process next time and hoo boy! He’ll be on Fluther answering you at some point.

laureth's avatar

I’ve given more flowers to men than I’ve ever got from them.
I’ve cooked more dinners for guys than they’ve ever cooked for me.
I’ve given more massages, Valentine’s cards, and random sex than I’ve been offered.

You guys want more than that? :O

CMaz's avatar

Personally, I do not give them the privilege
Except for a choice few.

You know who you are. ;-).

Captain_Fantasy's avatar

This may be a stretch but I’m willing to wager gay dudes get romanced plenty.

Just_Justine's avatar

I thought of that the other day. I mean women love compliments, I am not sure they are so giving of them back though.

deni's avatar

@ChazMaz aww you snuggly buggly boo

I just sent my boyfriend a bouquet of balloons and candy to the school he teaches at today for his birthday. Well okay it was partly to embarrass him in front of his 7th graders (which is why I picked balloons with kittens in birthday hats, frogs, hearts, etc.) BUT IT WAS ALSO BECAUSE I ENJOY ROMANCING THE OPPOSITE SEX SO SSSSSH :)

lonelydragon's avatar

It’s partly due to gender roles. Many times, men don’t like traditionally romantic things like flowers and chocolate (partly because enjoying these items would call their masculinity into question). What consitutes romance to the average male? A deluxe tool kit from Sears? If your SO is like most women, she probably has a tough time figuring out what you want, or she doesn’t know that you want to be romanced. So tell her. Don’t make her guess.

@Just_Justine Not all women are like that. I love giving compliments to men. Those that hold back are probably still following “The Rules”, trying to play hard to get.

Trillian's avatar

@lonelydragon I think that you are operating under a misapprehension. It has been my experience that a man enjoys sensual pleasures just as much as a woman.
If your man comes home and you greet him with a room dimmed to candle light and relaxing music, you can set the stage for an incredible seduction. Try this; Spray a little sandalwood or a clean outdoor fragrance around, take him into the bathroom and bathe him in the tub while you stay outside of it. Use a masculine scented oil, or a light citrus. Feed him finger foods like strawberries, stuffed mushroom caps, bits of chocolate if he likes that. Don’t overfeed him, but at least take the edge off his appetite. You can take him into the bedroom then, dry him off, rub him with heated, scented oil and give him the best half hour….ok, fifteen minutes of his life. Notice that I leave this to your own imagination. You know what he likes. Be creative. You can revive him in a few minutes with a little peppermint or grapefruit essence sprayed lightly in the air and take him and feed him or bring him a nice dinner in bed. Give him an hour to sleep it off, and wake him up again. Trust me.

Chongalicious's avatar

@deni aawwwww!! Too cute! Mine actually likes corny things I do for him lol he wouldn’t stop looking at this really dumb Valentine’s card I made for him! He loved it! Corny things are awesome! hehe

Idknown's avatar

I didn’t mean to have this as in oh – all women don’t romance their men. I’m saying that you girls are the few the proud. And I am happy to hear I just have to search for a woman that will do that.

I really appreciate though, those who went above defending that women aren’t all non-romantic and looked at the bigger picture.

@CyanoticWasp What do I have in mind… well how about the girl plans a date? It can be something that simple. Maybe it’s my luck in women, but the last two just looked towards me to see ‘what’s next’ and I feel like I’m doing a lot of the work and they just come to expect something that will ‘wow’ them. I’m saying that most women don’t take the time to wow us back (not speaking of the wonderful ladies that do!).

@Trillian That is romantic – for a guy.

@lonelydragon I think one of my best friends said it best and I will quote him:
”“I think being Americanized is a huge part of the lofty demands women have. Just look @ the fucking holiday commercials.

Men buying their wives or gf jewlery
And u know what men get?
Fucking power tools – So we can build shit for the women.”

@lonelydragon Keep giving compliments!

@marinelife I think that’s wonderful!

@Captain_Fantasy Gay dudes might be romanced plenty – but I’m not going to switch sides for it… :\ – You’re right though, my gay friends are plenty happy. :P

The issue here is not me saying None of the women – but just most. I’m saying most don’t make the effort – and if you reading this are one of them (you know who you are…) – let it be a reminder to do something special for your man…

ninjacolin's avatar

because they know i’m just gonna dump em in the end..

Trillian's avatar

@Idknown Point taken. I think you nay be right. When you said “for a guy” did you mean that it was a romantic thing for a guy to do?

Idknown's avatar

@Trillian No – I mean to say – that’s an AWESOME thing a woman ‘can’ do for their man.

There are many others less elaborate. But the fact is that all I’m asking is some initiative. Plan a trip, event. Its sooo simple, just go like: Your Friday is mine. Meet me here. And boom – we’re going skating.

Just so simple as to hear that they put some thought on how to spend the time with you and aren’t just waiting for you to entertain them…

I just hate it when they say “You don’t do romantic things for me anymore.” To which it’s always the same in my head… “When was the last romantic thing you did for me?”

It’s a feedback loop! I do something romantic, you appreciate it, then you do something. Don’t even have to be 1 for 1. Maybe 2 for 1. Just something…

Trillian's avatar

@Idknown Roger. Thanks. I wish my ex had that attitude. He accused me of being too much like a man and not knowing my place.

Idknown's avatar

@Trillian shrug That can just be old fashion talk. I am not demanding. I don’t want my women to clean and cook. My value in the woman is in her intellect, not her cooking/cleaning skills. I can hire a maid to clean, go eat at a restaurant, I can’t buy companionship.

Too many women see sex as their value. To me, it’s not a value. When sex is the value, your man will just cheat elsewhere.

That’s why I’m pointing out – you have to love him as you expect to be loved.

In general – just too many women expecting, and not returning. That’s all I’m saying.

meagan's avatar

Because girls aren’t the ones trying so hard to get in the other’s pants?

Idknown's avatar

@meagan You are right – women have more choices. I am assuming the courtship phase is over and you are in a relationship now. I’m not suggesting that the guy not court the girl – I just meant after they’ve been dating a while – why do girls keep thinking it was like before and neglect their ‘significant’ other?

And to the point you were trying to make – the best response is what my friend once told me: “Nah, they want my chow fun too.” ;)

meagan's avatar

@Idknown Then what is “being romanced”? Bubble bath? ;P

Idknown's avatar

@meagan You know… @CyanoticWasp said the same thing… how are bubble baths romantic?

I think I already answered the question though, please see my response to @Trillian. :)

meagan's avatar

@Idknown Oh. I’m too much of a lazy slob to go into detail like that. I’m a very low maintenance lovah. hahaha

Idknown's avatar

@meagan Well – again – love those like you expect to be loved. If you’re low maintenance, then it will be fine. I’m just talking about those that wait for you to do the next big thing and get mad when you don’t…

deni's avatar

@Chongalicious heh, you know you’ve found a good one when they appreciate to the max all your corny efforts :) :) :)

Chongalicious's avatar

@deni Most definitely!!! I do believe I have :D And congrats on yours haha

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Because they think that’s not what men want because they’re misinformed as to what men want and what they want is what everyone wants – attention, genuine support and inspiration and romance, yes…and great sex.

phillis's avatar

Sometimes, for no particular reason, I tell my husband he looks good to me when I think of it.

For our anniversary 2 years ago, I sent him a dozen flowers and a balloon so that all the big, gruff men he works with would say, “Daaaaang! I’ve never gotten flowers from My wife”, which made it extra-special for him.

No matter how broke we are, I manage to scrape together enough money to get him a birthday cake and a gift, because he never got that in his culture.

I will sometimes offer easy sex to him. He is able to lie back and not worry about reciprocating.

Sometimes, when the sunlight hits his eyes just right, and I am reminded all over again why I think he is so beautiful, and I share it with him.

From time to time I tell him thank you for how much he loves me.

When he does something right, I mean – really nails it – I make sure to tell him how awesome that was.

When he’s right, I give him credit for it.

I DO expect him to take out the garbage, but I also appreciate it, so I tell him, “Thank you”.

Sometimes, when we are lying in bed watching TV, I reach out to him, just to feel his skin. I don’t have to really say anything. He knows I take comfort in his presence and am glad all over again that I chose him over everyone else.

Most of this stuff happens during the daily grind of life. It doesn’t have to be typical romance, to be romantic. Sometimes, knowing that you are valued and loved is the most romantic thing in the world. No money required :)

CyanoticWasp's avatar

He’s a lucky guy.

And I’m guessing that you feel the same way.

phillis's avatar

I think people don’t consciously realize that the hardest thing to do is to live with somebody else. You get their baggage and thier emotional problems, their political and religious differences, financial differences…...and they get saddled with ours! It is an ongoing excercise in compromise and forgiveness. I think that deserves recognition. It isn’t everyobdy that would put up with our asses, like our spouses do, yet they still love us.

FutureMemory's avatar

@Trillian and @phillis Hot damn both of you sound amazing. I would kill to be treated like that.

phillis's avatar

@FutureMemory What’s amazing is what it takes to get to this point. I wish the same good things for you :)

Sophief's avatar

I romance my partner, more than he romances me. I don’t mind. It’s not about gender roles, it is about showing love. I have a lot of love to give and so I show it as often as possible and enjoy it.

JeffVader's avatar

I think most modern women aren’t aware of the difference between being romantic, & being sexual.

Sophief's avatar

@JeffVader I think that is true. They think sex is romance. I like to leave cute little notes, and cards, and teddies. Sometimes when I want both, I’ll light the candles on the table and they lay on it (the table that is).

JeffVader's avatar

@Dibley Hehehe, you had me thinking something else there for a moment :)
Yeh, I know this may sound odd coming from a bloke, but I have been in the situation a few times where I just wanted to sit & hold my SO (when I had one), watch some TV, be close…. & she’s been all over me like she’s some sort of octopus.

Sophief's avatar

@JeffVader That is because young girls think that is all she can offer.

JeffVader's avatar

@Dibley You could well be right…. personally I blame the media for putting such silly ideas out there.

Sophief's avatar

@JeffVader Yea, young girls are led to believe that all they can do for men is have sex with them. I like sex just as much as the next person but I like love also.

JeffVader's avatar

@Dibley Indeed, it’s a sad thing really….

Idknown's avatar

@Dibley @JeffVader

That’s exactly what I mean as well. Girls see sex as like a favor for men. I guess it can be – but I just don’t value it too high more than intellectual love, a good conversation – etc.

It’s Maslow’s hierarchy of needs for me: Sex is a requirement (at least to me), and because of that thinking, its down towards the base of the hierarchy. But once you’re in a steady relationship, that’s taken care of, and you climb up that hierarchy and it’s more about caring for each other, etc.

Thank you all for sharing!

phil196662's avatar

@laureth ; Such a great person doing all that, somewhere there is a person that will shower you in return. for me I would reciprocate to show how much it is enjoyed!

lonelydragon's avatar

@Trillian Maybe it’s just the guys that I have been around. Anyway, those are interesting suggestions. I will try them when I get the chance!

btw, silly question: Did you name yourself after Trillian from Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy?

laureth's avatar

@phil196662 – my husband does a great job. :) That’s why I picked him.

phil196662's avatar

@laureth ; Ahhh- flowers all over the bedroom like on the bachelor, and the wild stuff after the door closes!!! Yeeeeee Haaaaaa!!!

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