General Question

squidcake's avatar

How do you approach talking with a former enemy?

Asked by squidcake (2634points) March 25th, 2010

As a child, I had a best friend who was like a sister to me. Then we had a falling out, she got me suspended for something I didn’t do, and things just went spiraling out of control. We were mortal enemies after that.

That was in the 6th grade. I haven’t spoken to her since. I had the idea of seeing if she had a Facebook, and sure enough I found her.

I added her because I wanted to not only catch up but clear up some things from the past before we both go off to college.

I have no idea how to approach this. Does anyone have any tips so it isn’t extremely awkward/unproductive?

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14 Answers

jfos's avatar

Well, if you want to let go of what happened in the past, you could start with “Hello. I want to put the past behind us in order to move on.” Then you may both exchange some thoughts, since you’ve had a long time to think about this.

I would try to avoid arguments.

DarkScribe's avatar

No, no way. Mortal enemies means to the death.

CyanoticWasp's avatar

“Good roads and good weather.”

That is, talk about things that are obvious, that you can both agree with and that are non-confrontational.

Arisztid's avatar

I would just say hello and ask how she is. I would not bring up the past.

Then it is her move. Then progress from there. Maybe later bring up how silly it was to fight back in the ‘day.

.

thriftymaid's avatar

Just chat and eventually you can say something like – we were crazy to have stayed angry all these years.

filmfann's avatar

Unfortunately, in life you make mortal enemies, but rarely in 6th grade.
Let that shit go.

jrpowell's avatar

You want to clear up shit from the sixth grade? Don’t bother. Both of you will either laugh about getting mad about what seems stupid now. Or you will have such twisted recollections of what happened you will make things worse and not get anywhere.

It really sounds like you found a way to confront a person you think wronged you. I would just pretend like you never found her.

Just_Justine's avatar

I agree with @Arisztid just say hi! how you doing? so nice to see you are also on the book. Then take it from there.

KhiaKarma's avatar

It may not even be that big of a deal to her…..I’d just get to know what’s been going on for her, and do the update thingy. If you get to reconnect, maybe you both can have a couple of laughs about it- otherwise, what’s the point? Would you guys ever hang out again? Do you even have anything in common anymore?

meagan's avatar

Just ask how shes doing. Tell her how ridiculous it was to lose such a good friendship over something stupid.
Don’t make it too serious.

CyanoticWasp's avatar

You know, when you say “as a child” ... “this happened in the 6th grade”, etc., some of us have ideas of things that happened forty or more years ago (more, in my case—my 40th high school reunion is next year).

So… how old are you? If you’re 13 years old, then yeah, it might still be sort of a “big thing” for your former friend. If you’re my age, then she probably has little or no recollection of it… or an entirely different one than you have.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

Mark my words. You are doomed to becoming best friends with her again.

JeffVader's avatar

As ever @Arisztid delivers the goods. You’re both grown up now, so I wouldn’t bother mentioning it unless it comes up during reminiscence. Adults, after all, don’t have enemies.

squidcake's avatar

@CyanoticWasp
I’m going on 18. Senior in high school.
Hence the “before we go to college,” bit.

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