Social Question

Fausnaught's avatar

Why do girls hesitate to give you their AIM name, when they are already talking to you on a site full of personal information?

Asked by Fausnaught (373points) March 26th, 2010

Some of us, more than will admit, use the internet for a bevy of tasks. One of them being, meeting new people and possibly dating.

There a hundreds of sites, free and pay, that can offer a menu of like minded attractive singles to choose from. Much like real dating, one of the first objectives with online dating is to get the person’s AIM name. It’s like getting a phone number (I still try for the number) on a blind date.

This brings me to my question. Often girls will withhold their AIM name from you until, “they get to know you better”. But does this line of thinking even make the remotest bit of sense? I get that it is a hold over of the old play hard to get phone number days, but women today give out their facebook friendship as if it was on fire; a site full of personal information, embarrassing photos and even, don’t look now! THEIR AIM NICKNAMES!!

Obviously they don’t give out their AIM because people are supposed to be discrete online, right? Well…

You can ascertain nothing from someone’s AIM nick. Most of the time it’s a random inside joke or a mix mash of words and symbols. There are no real names. No additional info. Just the nickname. AND more than not you met this person on a site that REQUIRES you to submit information about yourself.

So, why are girls so reluctant to give out their AIM when they already give out tons of personal information? Is this some power holding girl trick that makes men chase them? Is this all about the pursuit and creating a mystery, or whatever girls do to make men pursue them? I get that it is about the chase for some women and some men. I understand the appeal of that and I know once a person is readily able to talk to you at will, some of the spark and mystery is gone. But for my money, AIM is still a mysterious place where communication just happens to be more expedient.

I know someone is going to not read all of this post and just say girls don’t give out their aim because sometimes they just don’t want to talk to you. I get that but, that isn’t quite the situation I have in mind. I am talking about the women who might be interested in talking beyond email, but withhold aim anyway. What is the reasoning? What difference does it make?

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32 Answers

dpworkin's avatar

Maybe it’s you.

Idknown's avatar

Accountability. I can block you on AIM all day, you’ll just keep making more names…

Unlike FB, you can keep making pages, and keep requesting I be your friend, but I can block you for good.

So in a sense, it’s like you know their name, what school they went to – but you still can’t get their number.

Response moderated
Response moderated
squirbel's avatar

Because once you have the AIM name, you are connected to them forever. On facebook, they have more control over blocking you if you’re no good.

edit: I see @Idknown said what I did.

Fyrius's avatar

I think giving someone your AIM is in part a symbolic action. It’s a sort of green light, a sign that you’re interested in someone. An invitation.
If you look up someone’s AIM on Facebook and then contact them with it, that would be a bit rude, more rude than if they gave their AIM to you.

jfos's avatar

It could be that if you have her AIM screenname, you would know exactly when she is online and when she isn’t. Also, she would lose control over when she talked to you, because you could send her an instant message. If she didn’t want to talk to you, that would be a problem for her, because she would have to make some excuse rather than just saying “I don’t want to respond to you right now.”

Fausnaught's avatar

So why not just ignore the person on AIM? I don’t what is so hard about closing the message box.

gemiwing's avatar

Instant communication isn’t a requirement of FB and a person has more control. AIM is much more rooted in instant communication. It’s harder to ignore an IM without appearing rude. Much easier to use FB and the communication type therein.

squirbel's avatar

Ignoring someone is moot on aim, when they can create a new username and contact you, unignored, unblocked.

jfos's avatar

@gemiwing Thanks for backing me up!

IBERnineD's avatar

@Fausnaught I believe you are thinking too far into things.

gemiwing's avatar

@jfos I got your back

Fausnaught's avatar

@IBERnineD You can never look to far into anything. Besides, don’t tell me what I can think about. That is fascist. ;)

Fausnaught's avatar

@Fyrius When will your personal agenda against me end? You seem to troll this site looking for my posts so you can snipe. I’ve never been annoyed by someone who’s icon is a dog in a suit. This site is weird.

Fausnaught's avatar

Hey, don’t respond. Do me a solid. I can’t handle your ramblings today.

drClaw's avatar

Do you ever call them and just breathe hard into the phone without saying anything? Because if you do this they will probably like you more and give you their AIM info.

Grisaille's avatar

Somebody better call a waaaambulance.

Fyrius's avatar

@Fausnaught
It shall never end. I have officially sworn a personal vendetta against you on the honour of my clan. I will raise my children to come to Fluther and be annoying to your children for ten generations to come.

You take my criticism way too personally. I nag anyone who says anything I have something to say about. If anyone else had written that, I would have responded in the same way.

Grisaille's avatar

But you are just a dog in a suit.

Dogs cannot type. Get out of that suit.

You are a dog.

Fyrius's avatar

Incidentally, did I just give you a serious and helpful answer right here in this thread? I think I did.

No hard feeling, ‘kay?

Fyrius's avatar

@Grisaille
That’s racist.

dpworkin's avatar

Speciesist, no?

Grisaille's avatar

You’re genus.

Fyrius's avatar

@Grisaille
That’s semanticist.

DeanV's avatar

Abandon thread? His account is gone.

dpworkin's avatar

That’s a relief.

Fyrius's avatar

Oh dear. I hope I haven’t scared him away.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

I’m in agreement with @jfos in that once you give a name for an instant chat venue then you are pretty much saying you’re open to that person popping up for chat whenever they see you online so just ignoring them isn’t really on the up and up.

neverawake's avatar

they’re dumb

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