Social Question

wundayatta's avatar

What happened when you finally confessed a secret you'd been holding a long time?

Asked by wundayatta (58635points) March 28th, 2010

Why were you holding the secret? Why did you decided to confess? What happened? Was it as bad as you feared? Or not bad at all? Did it make you wonder why you had kept the secret?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

36 Answers

DarkScribe's avatar

Confess? Why does a secret have to involve something less than upright or ideal?

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I have never had a secret that I could not tell. It’s not an ability I have. I have to share everything with my best friend – I don’t like not being able to say something.

LuckyGuy's avatar

It’s not a secret if you tell.

MacBean's avatar

I keep my secrets.

pathfinder's avatar

The holder of the secret is tie with a bond.The bond mean to him big value.The value is real strong and makes you stronger in side.It actually helps you to be a bather person.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

It came back to haunt me in a big way and I never trusted this person again.

Just_Justine's avatar

Secrets are for good reason. I don’t tell.

zophu's avatar

My homophobic father disowned me.

zophu's avatar

I’m not really gay and that never happened, I just want to see if anyone thinks it’s dramatic and hits “Great Answer” before reading this next post.

Cruiser's avatar

I will never tell anyone…well I did tell my best friend but only because he confessed his own bombshell and I know I can trust him either way. ;)

Cheeseball451's avatar

Its not a secret any more.

escapedone7's avatar

It was used to control and blackmail me.

rowenaz's avatar

I felt relief at sharing, and cried.

Chongalicious's avatar

I held it in because I was afraid my friend could change her view of me if she knew…I decided to share because I felt I held it in long enough… It turned out to be good that I held it in until then because she said had I told her earlier, she might have flipped but now she is more understanding :) I’m glad I told her, it was a huge relief.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@zophu I hit it as a GA and then realized you were an asshole – that kind of thing is nothing to trivialize

MoneyMakingMommy's avatar

What happens in Vegas…stays in Vegas.

Hawaii_Jake's avatar

I held on to the secret of my homosexuality for many, many years. When I finally had enough hiding and came out of the closet, I felt relief and strengthened. I lost no friends or family.

I held on to the secret out of fear of rejection. I finally let go of that, realizing that people who reject me because whom I choose to sleep with aren’t worth knowing.

zophu's avatar

@Simone De Bauvoir

Oh yes, the sacred Gayness should never be disrespected. Gay people are people like I am, their problems aren’t extra special because they’re gay. There’s extra prejudice, of course, but prejudice doesn’t go away until it is trivialized. You should try it more often.

i am a little bit of an asshole, though, sorry for making you feel tricked.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Why were you holding the secret?
I didn’t want my partner to leave me because they thought something might be very wrong with me and I also feared they’d find me less attractive.

Why did you decided to confess?
Somewhere along the way I started to believe in the love my partner had been professing and felt secure I’d be okay even if he did decide he couldn’t handle what I had to confess and broke off with me.

What happened, was it as bad as you feared or not bad at all?
Nothing bad happened. My partner said they still loved me and it didn’t affect the way felt about our future or my attractiveness in their eyes.

Did it make you wonder why you had kept the secret?
No, I’ve had another partner break off with me and I suspected it had to do with what I’d kept secret. I didn’t fault them, I knew there was a chance they wouldn’t want me anymore but one can always hope. I’m fortunate to have a greater person this time around.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@zophu oh yeah, sorry – clearly this was an activist attempt to make sure people don’t treat queer people differently – wow, how silly of me to assume otherwise – good job!

JeffVader's avatar

I haven’t yet shared mine…..

zophu's avatar

@Simone De Beauvoir

No, it was a joke. One that you should get over.

MacBean's avatar

@zophu: Some things aren’t funny. Ever.

zophu's avatar

All joking and defensiveness aside; the world’s too big to take anything out of the immediate so seriously. If I’d known there’d be this sensitivity, I wouldn’t have made the joke. . . There are people without eyes that can joke about how they lost them, that’s how they deal with it. Family issues aren’t resolved till they’re forgotten. Ease up, people.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@zophu Hey, here’s a question: why do people always (and I mean always) make stupid jokes or statements which they they can never admit were stupid but instead say ‘hey you have no humor, lighten up’’s so obvious and cliche to say..why do people do this?

DarkScribe's avatar

@MacBean Some things aren’t funny. Ever.

Yes I know. They are a negative side effect of marriage – known as mothers-in-law.

MacBean's avatar

@zophu: A blind person joking about how they lost their vision is one thing. You putting on a pair of dark glasses and pretending to be blind and joking about how you lost your vision is another and makes you an asshole.

@DarkScribe I DENY CHUCKLING AT THAT. Bah, in-laws. ANYTHING-in-laws are a pain in the ass!

OneMoreMinute's avatar

@zophu Not only do you lack an understanding of Humor, you are also Insensitive and cannot admit when you have errored. It is not the members here who need to ease up, it is YOU.

zophu's avatar

I don’t think I ever defended the funniness of my joke. I think you guys are being a little to venomous here. This is the internet, you can’t be too sensitive, even on the soft little cloud that its Fluther.

I said that if I had known people would be so sensitive, I wouldn’t have made the stupid joke. Re-read everything I’ve said, and what has been said to me. Put out your torches already.

DarkScribe's avatar

@zophu I don’t think I ever defended the funniness of my joke

Did you make a joke? I must have missed it. Would you mind making another one?

zophu's avatar

So, to close off. I’m very sorry about being insensitive and rude, and an asshole. I’ll make sure to keep my broken humor to myself when it comes to touchy subjects.

Austinlad's avatar

In my ‘40s I told my mother something “bad” I had done as a teen, at the time fearing punishment—I don’t even remember what it was—and she just laughed.

Once on the receiving end, in my ad agency days, a co-worker “confessed” to me on a business trip that he was gay—something everybody who worked with him had known for years and totally ignored. I said, “So what? Where are we taking the client for dinner tonight?” The relief on his face was beautiful to see.

rowenaz's avatar

Another time I told my mother something I had done as an adolescent, and she said she was ashamed of my, and then I felt ashamed of myself, even though it was more than 20 years ago.

Austinlad's avatar

@rowenaz, I hope you’ve been able to let it go. Shame, especially misplaced shame, is a heavy though empty piece of baggage to tote around.

rowenaz's avatar

Yup, I think I did. But I encouraged my own daughter not to make the same mistake.

Austinlad's avatar

@rowenaz, good for you!!!

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