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strawberrypomme's avatar

Someone I'm seeing is spreading rumours about me, or rather his friend is...

Asked by strawberrypomme (211points) March 29th, 2010

Someone i’ve been seeing for a week is already ruining my reputation.
I just split up with someone, and was looking to get my confidence back, you could say, or just to help get over the other person so I started seeing someone new (someone I have known for years). But only a week later, he has told his friends. One in particular has posted rumours about me on social networking sites, very crude things about my sex life and how much of a whore I am, and how I f*** around.
He doesnt know that I’ve seen what his friend wrote, because it was taken down soon after, but now I need to find the best way to deal with the situation.
Should I call him up and get mad? Completely cut off contact without explanation, in an attempt to rise above it? Or set about getting revenge, like making him book a hotel room, and tying him to the bed and taking pics to post online? That was one idea I’ve had lol.
General smart comments to use would also be appreciated, thank you.

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17 Answers

LuckyGuy's avatar

The age of social media has made it more important than ever to always take the high road. You have to confront the person you “saw” and let him know what goes on is private. Ask him to stress that with his friend.
Hopefully you learned something from this experience. You build your confidence by doing something you don’t mind seeing on the web.

Violet's avatar

when you say “call him up and get mad”, are you talking about the guy you’re dating, or his friend? If you’re talking about the guy you’re dating, tell him what’s going on. If your guy can’t control his friend, then try confronting this friend. If that doesn’t work, call his parents.

Your_Majesty's avatar

Do not befriend people like that. You can also spread back rumors about them,so they’ll feel how it’s feel like. But first of all,the important thing to do now is to clarify all their gossip around you.

thriftymaid's avatar

I believe I’d sacrifice this one-week relationship and move right on with my life.

partyparty's avatar

Why are you still with this one week old friend? Ditch him immediately. He isn’t doing you any favours is he?

PandoraBoxx's avatar

This is an awful thing to go through. There is an expression, “You are the company you keep,” and while you cannot control your friend’s behavior, you can choose your friends. The fact that this guy has a friend so lacking in social maturity that he would act out his jealousy of you in this manner says something about the guy himself.

Getting mad over it will only add oil to the fire with the friend; you will then cast yourself as a controlling bitch. I suggest you arrange to see both of them at the same time, confront the friend about his behavior, and then break up with the guy. You will have nothing but drama and heartache with him, and it’s not worth it.

There is a cautionary tale in this about sleeping with someone you’ve been seeing for a week. Sex should follow a relationship, a relationship does not follow sex. I can only imagine that you are quite young, as a guy’s friends generally outgrow this type of puerile behavior once they start college (unless they’re in a fraternity, which can for some guys, arrest normal development.)

courtneeRAWR's avatar

first talk to him to see if he knows anything about the rumors.
if he says no and you think hes lying cut off all contact with him,
if he says yes do exactly the same,
people like that are not worth anything ecspecially someone who loves them.
if he cant treat you right theres not point in even talking to him.
also maybe add a little revenge ^-^

Response moderated
zophu's avatar

Don’t start a rumor war. It will never stop.

slick44's avatar

Confront him, see if you get a straight answer. and go from there.

chyna's avatar

I would cut it off with the guy you are seeing. He is the obvious “leak” or the other guy wouldn’t know you had sex with “one week stand”. I would not seek revenge as it could backfire and you would get the worst of it by the two of them defaming your character even further on the website. Sorry to say that in this age and time, it still looks worse on a girl to be sleeping around than it does on a guy, so anything you could say about them would only get them an “atta boy.”

jfos's avatar

Hey, give him a chance here. It’s natural for guys to talk to their friends about stuff, as it is with girls to talk to their friends. Don’t despise him just because his mate is an asshole. (I don’t live in the UK, so I can’t explain why I chose to use ‘mate’. Hm…)

Talk to him, tell him how you feel, ask him to do something about it. All of these are things that girlfriends should do regularly. Unfortunately, many girlfriends instead send mixed signals, keep quiet and be spiteful, and wait for their boyfriends to read their minds.

DarkScribe's avatar

If it was taken down, how do you know that your new BF hasn’t already taken action? Gossip and rumours aren’t new, they are just more readily available with the advent of social sites.

strawberrypomme's avatar

thank you so much to everyone. i may have acted out but why is being assertive as a woman still seen as a bad thing 50 years after the sexual revolution. it’s unfair but i know it exists so im going to put this down to experience.

and i confronted him, and he’s pretty annoyed at his friend- apparently he didnt know his friend would c**k block him out of jealousy. but i’ve moved on. no emotional attachment there so should be pretty easy for me…and the rumours will soon fade. (i hope)

Trillian's avatar

A gentleman does not “tell his friends” about his sexual exploits. I assume they were sexual by what you say.
Ask yourself if this man respects you after you slept with him so soon. Seems to me that if he respected you he would not have told his stupid friends.
And I’m sorry, but it seems to me that you should have found another way to get your confidence back. If you act in a respectable manner, you will be respected and this sort of thing cannot happen.
Sexual revolution has nothing to do with it.
I have no interest in a man who gives it up to anyone. I want something that means something. If you treat the act of sex as if it means nothing, then don’t be surprised at anything that is said about you.
Promiscuity is really not attractive to any man or woman worth having.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

I’m with the thinking of @worriedguy and also this- when you start “seeing” someone, discuss up front the nature of your involvement and your privacy wants, it’ll make it a lot easier to cut someone off if they disrespect you to their acquaintances and friends.

This guy? I’d give him the cold shoulder and if he asks then be truthful and say you’re not comfortable with “kiss & tell” and you don’t think you two should “go there” again.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

@strawberrypomme, good for you! If someone mentions it, shrug it off as bromance jealousy on the part of the friend.

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