Social Question

MagicalMystery's avatar

If we are supposed to be "color-blind" then why do black women hate it when black men date white women?

Asked by MagicalMystery (900points) March 31st, 2010

This morning I was listening to the DL Hughley morning show on 98.7 Kiss FM. I don’t listen to it that often, i usually switch stations and listen to music. However, for those that don’t know, DL Hughley is a comedian who apparently is also a DJ on this radio station, one of the largest black radio stations in NYC. This morning he was talking about black women hating when black men date white women, and how it’s prejudiced of them, and we are supposed to live in a society that is veering away from prejudice (he was not denying that prejudice exists, just saying that the goal is to be color-blind). He also said that if black men did not date white women, then Obama would not be here, which was a good point.

I have heard before that black women don’t like it when black men date white women, and DL Hughley makes a good point: if we are supposed to not be looking at peoples’ color, then is this not prejudiced?

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32 Answers

wundayatta's avatar

If I recall, in “Waiting to Exhale,” one of the characters makes this same complaint. I think the idea is that if all the best men run off with white women, then the black women are left with the seconds.

Of course, if black women do the same thing, then catch hell from everyone else., including men.

cyn's avatar

People are racist. It doesn’t matter what colour of skin you are or from where you come from. Some people are just going to be prejudiced and maybe towards their own kind(Hitler).

Arp's avatar

How are we supposed to be color-blind!? I can understand trying to eliminate stereotypes and prejudices, but being color-blind? That’s like putting a cup in the middle of an empty room and telling everyone to pretend it isn’t there. Unless humanity makes some drastic evolutionary decisions, we will always have different pigments in our skins. Lets take it one step at a time, and start by treating people the same as we would treat others.

There will always be groups of people that believe they are better for one trait or another, and have convinced themselves that all who are not like them are not “attractive”, or “good enough”. The thing is, once everyone else thinks otherwise, they will begin to think so as well. At least, the optimistic side of me says that :\

liminal's avatar

he really said people should be color blind?

MagicalMystery's avatar

@liminal: i believe his words were something like “if we’re supposed to be color blind…” there may be transcripts on the internet, but that’s the gyst of what he said.

ParaParaYukiko's avatar

As stupid as it might sound, I remember something about this from the movie Save the Last Dance, since, you know, the white girl falls in love with the black guy as they dance together.

I agree with @wundayatta‘s idea about black women “being left with seconds” as a valid argument. Maybe many of those who end up dating white women are some of the smarter, more successful or ambitious black men, meaning fewer of them are left to date black women and make smart, successful and ambitious black children. Instead they’re left with the dead-beats, and no one wants to be left with the dead-beats, regardless of race.

I really hope I don’t sound racist or anything with my answer. I’m just being honest about what I’ve observed and understood about the matter.

Anyway, the idea of being “color blind” is ridiculous. Race may not exist in the genetic sense, but culturally it’ll never really go away. What we need is to be equal in our treatment of people while embracing the differences of various races and cultures. Of course, that is easier said than done.

MagicalMystery's avatar

@ParaParaYukiko: it was also addressed in the Spike Lee joint “Jungle Fever” where the white woman and the black man go into Sylvia’s restaurant in Harlem and get the cold shoulder from the waitress, and stares from other patrons. I’m sure there are other examples in pop culture.

TILA_ABs_NoMore's avatar

Because only white people are supposed to be “color blind”

ParaParaYukiko's avatar

@TILA_ABs_NoMore It certainly seems that way sometimes. Whites have enormous pressure to be PC since they have been the “discriminatory majority” for so long. And yet it seems much more acceptable, in general, for blacks and other minorities to say discriminatory things about whites as well as their own race. Interesting point.

FutureMemory's avatar

@ParaParaYukiko Maybe many of those who end up dating white women are some of the smarter, more successful or ambitious black men.

@ParaParaYukiko I really hope I don’t sound racist or anything with my answer.

You failed.

ParaParaYukiko's avatar

@FutureMemory I’m sorry if I offended you at all. I really don’t consider myself racist (I went to junior prom with my Jamaican classmate…) That example was based on examples of this I’ve seen in the media. It’s a sweeping generalization and I apologize.

judochop's avatar

That’s racist.

filmfann's avatar

As I recall, Spike Lee made a similar comment.
He said that when black women date white men, the women are all fine, but when white women date black men, the women are all skanky.
This is not my experience, but I remember the comment.

jaytkay's avatar

I get a sense the point of this question is “Look! Black people are prejudiced! They can’t complain about prejudice! Gotcha!”

TLRobinson's avatar

I’m a black woman and I’m NOT color blind. It’s unrealistic to say so. I walk in a room and even Stevie Wonder knows I’m black. Also, for DL or anyone
else to make such a blanket
statement is unfair and

Statistically and realistically, it’s challenging for women as a whole to find a good mate, period. However, it seems harder for me and my black female friends. Statistically and realistically, white men and other ethnicities as a whole, don’t consider “us”, unless we’re Beyonce. Trust me, we’ve tried and are open-no takers.

Now black men? It SEEMS for the most part, they are an equal opportunity dater. They will consider other ethnicities, which makes an already small pool, smaller (because of incarceration rates, homicide, eligibility, etc…)

Our “anger” is not that, but disappointment. Because from MY experience, the white woman is the “prize” for black men. From my experience,discussion, antedote and reading, SOME black men have “crossed over” to acceptance. So that begs the question, where does that leave me, us; black women? It feels like when you deny me, you’re denying my race.

Please keep in mind, this is my experience, my opinion.

phillis's avatar

I think you hit on it best with what you put in the parenthesis. It’s a goal worth working toward, and we’re not there, yet. Basically, we’ve got too much damn time on our hands. People involved in literal war situations do not give a rat’s ass to WHOM the hand belongs; they just need help, and make it quick!

Interesting story – I was a paramedic, and, at one point, was paired with a less-than-dark black man. We responded to a call of a 76 y.o female, possibly in cardiac arrest. When we got to the scene, the woman really was in V-fib. Yet, when she looked at my partner coming at her with a stethescope, she raised mortal hell!! She had all kinds of foul things to say to him and in front of him, that ought never escape the lips of a Christian.

In the end, and in order to give her the treatment, he had to make a snap judgement, so in feigned offended tones, he snapped, “Ma’am, I am offended that you think I’m black!! I am NOT black! I am Hawaiian. Now let me treat you before you expire!”

After that, the old bat let him do his job. But it just goes to show you…..attitudes can be so deeply engrained in us when we have this much time on our hands that some of us can even lose our everloving MINDS.

Disc2021's avatar

Why anyone still cares about who a person dates is far beyond me. From gay marriage to interracial relations – it’s all really just lame.

Okay, I could see not wanting a 12 year old to date a 30 year old, but otherwise I think it’s all just ridiculous. Some people just need to get laid and stop talking.

Blondesjon's avatar

Women hate anyone else dating but themselves. Google it.

Blackberry's avatar

@FutureMemory That was hilarious, I literally lol’d.

Idknown's avatar

@MagicalMystery You are looking at this ALL WRONG.

The White Man – went and got Yellow Fever, and became unavailable. (You can skip if you want :))

White women then were left with no good white men left. So enter the Black Man. (Watch this!)

So now the Black women are left with no good black men left. So… how about the Yellow men who are left with no good yellow women left? (Watch this!)

Who says the world isn’t color blind?

Meant to be a joke :) and sorry for the corny videos hahaha!

trailsillustrated's avatar

I really liked @TLRobinson ‘s answer. hit the nail on the head, I reckon

DarkScribe's avatar

This is the first time that I have heard this suggested. I have known many black women who don’t seem to resent their male relatives who white date white women. These women sure as hell date a lot of white guys.

I suppose it could be because most of my experience with black women has been in the Pacific Islands, Africa and France/Belgium/Sweden not the US. I did date a Jamaican woman for a year or so when I lived in California but she moved to Europe to finish her education. Her family, brothers and male relatives all seemed to only date black women – I thought it curious at the time as they were certainly attracting white girls.

Trillian's avatar

I’m with @TLRobinson too. I have this issue with a different group of people, but the PC sentiment is the same. The state funds our MRDD program and the current theme is that “We want them out in the community and to be respected. We don’t want their differences pointed up.”
Well, that’s a crock of shit. They are different so as to really stand out in a crowd. To pretend that they’re not is absurd. That’s why they have us taking care of them. They can’t comprehend money, or navigate environmental dangers, and many need assistance with basic body functions.
So lets try to get past this color blind load of crap. Let’s not try to pretend that the person next to us is different. Let’s just acknowledge our differences, maybe learn and take home something new and find something else to devote our energy to like, oh I don’t know, how about a better education system for all of our kids?
Because otherwise, we’re all enjoying The Emperors New Clothes like a pack of idiots and it takes a four year old to say “But Mommie, he’s naked!”

davidbetterman's avatar

If we are supposed to be “color-blind” then why do black women hate it when black men date white women?”

Whom do you mean by we?

What makes you think black women hate it when black men date white women? (If anyone hates that, it is white men) ;)

WolfFang's avatar

no only racists, and people with who are racially sensitive or paranoid for whatever reason(way they were raised, personal experiences, etc.) get prejudiced over who dates who. It doesn’t matter what color skin you have, if you got game, then you got game. If you really want something, you can get a date with someone despite color “barriers”. These barriers (the majority of them) are just mental barriers anyway. If you believe the world’s societies will never be able to not care about another’s color and treat it non-chalantly, you’re not exactly helping the problem anyway

mrrich724's avatar

Everybody has their prejudices, and as much as black people cry “racism,” they’re the same ones who have this issue with dating. I know. . . I’m generalizing. It happens.

Jeruba's avatar

The gap between “supposed to” and “are” is big enough to sink a continent.

meagan's avatar

This still happens. I don’t know why. But some people still think that races need to stay with each other. I know a lot of Native people that think this way, too. Its not so.. rude, I guess. Because they’re trying to keep their heritage alive I suppose.

ThrallKiller's avatar

Mainly because every race has their own prejudices. I’m sick of whites being listed as racist all the time when I see a lot of racism from the black community. People need to see the bigger picture here. Your color doesn’t matter, but your behavior does.

I see a huge part of today’s problems coming down to the cruelty of children and parents’ failure to correct them. Most kids will make fun of a classmate whose parents are two different colors. If parents would teach their children that all races are beautiful and actually pop that kid’s mouth when he says something innapropriate, those kids might learn to see biracial marriage and biracial kids in a totally different light. Then when they grow up and have kids, their kids would be taught to view things the same way, and so on until nobody really gave a damn if their friend was dating a purple woman.

mattbrowne's avatar

When black women hate this, they show juvenile immaturity.

But there are plenty of immature white women as well.

And men, of course.

bob_'s avatar

As someone who actually is colorblind, let me tell you: it’s no picnic.

deedee18's avatar

I really and truly do not care if a black man dates out of his race. In my point of view, i do not owe any black man anything nor does he owe me anything. Black men do the same thing to. So it is not only women who do it. White women do the same thing to especially if the an is white and the woman is black.

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