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TheOnlyException's avatar

I feel like I missed out on something really great with him JUST LAST NIGHT,because I was too afraid, how do I deal with my feelings of regret?

Asked by TheOnlyException (2182points) April 1st, 2010

This is a teensy bit long.. think of it like some really bad romance story. (not as bad as twilight..but uh yeah ahahaha)
I ended up late last night stranded in North London, as I had lost my bus pass, I had no money and my phone was conveniently dead.. the friends I had been with all night had left about 20 minutes before. I had no idea what to do, the one bus that actually turned up had an uptight bitch of a female driver (usually flirt like hell with the men and get a free ride)

about 34908340 million murderers, rapists and crackheads in that square mile ALONE.
1 of him.
Who was i more likely to run into?

Someone who I have wanted for so long, happened to live right around there, I’m not familiar with the area so there is no way I could have known, he just turned up shopping bags in hand and asked me what the bloody hell i was doing there.

it was a relief after standing out in the cold for so long to have some company and we got down to our usual flirting and banter, i told him what had happened. i asked him if i could borrow some money for a train ticket, he told me he couldn’t in his right mind let me go home on public transport that time of night. i asked him what WOULD he let me do, he offered me a lift home, which was really rather sweet (by the way i trust this man, he is gentleman and just, lovely, i know you could say that no one is as they seem, dont trust anyone you dont know very well, but you talk to him for 20 seconds and you know. you just know. good morals run in his veins)
i eventually accepted and he said he needed to put his groceries away and that i looked freezing, offered me a cup of tea etc.
he has this luxury apartment in this gorgeous building, i was taken aback to be honest. his parents paid for it of course as he is still a student. we sat there chatting, sipping tea, i told him how i probably had to be dropped at a friends for the night, because my parents wouldnt want me back this late. he told me he didnt understand why i had such trouble with life, that i was such a funny, beautiful, charming girl and that i’d go far. i told him my ego had hit the ceiling, laughed it off when he had clearly meant more by it. what i had always wanted from him.

nothing happened.
and i so wanted it to. but i was scared.
it was so wonderful from the moment he turned up to the moment he dropped me off.
including the drive home, it was a laugh. i felt content with him.
but i feel like i missed my window, at his apartment. like i could’ve gone for it, that i should have. even just a kiss. but everything was just an almost, like always.
so now that whole wonderful time is ruined by this feeling of loss.
it is really pushing me down, i’m not going to see him for a few weeks now. and i feel like we really got somewhere last night. that i was given my chance by some freak happening and i missed it. and that by the time i see him again he’ll have forgotten it, the heat of it will have faded and we will be right back where we started. how do i stop feeling hopeless?
also what do i do when i see him again? there is no chance i will ever get time like that alone with him again, life is just too difficult right now… trying to get into medicine.. just, too much right now.
what if he thinks im not interested and doesn’t bother anymore?!
i am just
god all over the place, i dont know any piece of advice would do i know this is quite an ambiguous question.
thanks in advance, especially if you read it all :)

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30 Answers

TheOnlyException's avatar

p.s. im not a dude despite what fluther has done to my account 0_o

cazzie's avatar

Send him a thank you card with your telephone number. This time, keep your phone charged.

CyanoticWasp's avatar

You could easily get away with sending him more than just a thank you note. After all, he went (it seems) quite a ways out of his way to not only put you at ease, to compliment the hell out of you and then without taking advantage of the situation further, just drop you off safely as you had wanted.

You should definitely call him when you have a few pennies to rub together and take him to dinner, get him good and drunk tipsy, and then take him back to his place… and have your way with him there.

CyanoticWasp's avatar

The name and avatar thing is (at this point) a tedious and tiresome April Fool’s joke.


Response moderated
autumn43's avatar

Offer to cook him dinner at his place as a thank you (as you couldn’t do that at home with your parents) and wine him, dine him, and have some Pillsbury crescent rolls and hopefully he will give you a poke.

I absolutely love your story, BTW. It was very romantic and for a second I thought I knew what was going to happen in the apartment! And it didn’t. So, make a point to get back there and, well, yeah.

Judi's avatar

send him an email, thanking him for rescuing you. Tell him you would love to spend time with him again under more favorable circumstances and then wait. If it was really magic he felt it too. The best relationships are not pushed.

anartist's avatar

Everything that happened between the two of you was good. Let it simmer. If he is the gentleman you see him to be, then he probably doesn’t mind at all that you take your time. Good Luck!

marinelife's avatar

Get him a thank you gift and write a note with it. The ball will clearly be in his court.

In the note you could say, “I hope when I see you next I won’t be a damsel in distress.”

You need to touch base with him as a thank-yopu even if you didn’t like him.

stardust's avatar

He seems lovely and chivalrous. I’d get in touch – thank him, ask him to go for drinks on you as a tahnk you, etc?
If you’re interested, then you’ve nothing to lose by pursuing him.
Good luck :-)

davidbetterman's avatar

This is extra humorous as you state in your profile under Fields of expertise:
relationships, love, humor, intelligence,

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Guys usually don’t want to hit on or be hit on by emotionally delicate women they suspect might be out stalking them.

wundayatta's avatar

Some guys don’t mind being hit on at all. It all depends on how it’s done.

Don’t worry. Let it play out. Look for opportunities. Something will happen if you are alert to the openings. You can be interested, and invite him to do things—non-date things. Museum, or maybe a show with a number of other people. Just include him with no pressure. See what happens.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

You didn’t miss your chance. He let you into his personal space, which gives you a connection. Send him a thank-you note with your phone number, and ask if you could take him to dinner.

TheOnlyException's avatar

Thank you all for the answers (the ones WITHOUT all the attitude at least, I just wanted some advice.. christ… if my question offends you so much, don’t bother answering),

But to the ones that actually helped, thank you very much :)

TheOnlyException's avatar

oh and @CyanoticWasp HAHAHAHA, that certainly sounds like a plan. :) Thanks to everyone again

PhillyCheese's avatar

A nice genuine “thank you” is good enough, especially if he has good morals and values.
If you really want to go over the top, buy him a set of assorted tea.

TheOnlyException's avatar

@PhillyCheese I suppose, keeping it as simple as that would be good. Might try and ‘return the favour’ with a cup of tea myself.

JeffVader's avatar

Albert Einstein once said “Coincidence is God’s way of remaining anonymous”.
Now, I’ve no idea if there’s a god or not, but you could substitute that word for whatever you wanted, fate, the Gods, nature….. either way the door was opened to you & it remains open. You just need to summon the courage to walk through.

TheOnlyException's avatar

@JeffVader I really like that quote :) Recently graduated from a downright atheist to an agnostic except when I really really want the bus to come soon in which case I’m the bloody Pope
It’s a nice way of thinking about way the world works, thank you for posting that. :)

I have just seen him for the first time today since this.. err.. aforementioned event haha. Twas rather nice.
Found out the door was still wide open :) It’s a lovely feeling really, makes me jump out of bed in the morning because I know I’m seeing him.
I guess I will just ‘roll with the punches’
Take the opportunities I am given, am sure there will be some least one haha or make some ‘coincidences’ happen myself hehe ;)

He went out of his way to see me and we spent the entire time talking non-stop, not even having to think about what I was saying. Don’t know where the time went, only got home 20 minutes ago.

And the best thing?

he’ll still be there tomorrow

JeffVader's avatar

@TheOnlyException It is a great quote isn’t it…. I only heard about it over the weekend, it stuck as it seemed to fit my current situation too :)
I’m really glad you got another opportunity, & dont feel bad about manufacturing ‘opportunities’. It’s taken me 33yrs to realise that good things dont just happen on their own, you need to make them happen.
It sounds like things went really well between the two of you :) It is a great feeling isn’t it!

Sophief's avatar

Sorry, I must of missed this question. Has anything happened?

TheOnlyException's avatar

@Sophief hey you changed your name! :)
A lot has happened since I asked this question. All good. :) I took the advice of the lovely people on here and didn’t let myself get caught up thinking I had missed my window.
I have spent more and more time with him these past few days, he seems to be everywhere in my life right now, if anything the night I got stranded has brought us closer than ever :)
We spent all afternoon in the park today lovely weather we’re having!, don’t think I’ve ever known anyone so charming, the time went so easily.
I’m glad I had the courage to not give up, best time of my life :)
Thank you for asking hehe :p

TheOnlyException's avatar

@JeffVader It really is something I feel very lucky :)
And I think that quote would fit just about anyone’s situation at anytime, depends on whether or not they are willing to take a positive look at life.
Sometimes things have happened that are so damn fortunate I cannot explain, everything from walking up to the bus stop and the bus just arrives that instant to things like in my question hehe ;)

I am slowly learning not to feel so guilty ? for ‘manufacturing opportunities’, it feels like I am playing a game sometimes, but then I just think it’s just the way life goes, and you do what you have to to get ahead.
I like the idea that I can take my life anywhere with simple little actions.

A little bit of romance always makes life a more exciting place to live :)

Sophief's avatar

@TheOnlyException Pleased things are going really well for you. Don’t mention how nice the weather is, you’ll make it rain.

TheOnlyException's avatar

@Sophief aah okay. Will do :)

JeffVader's avatar

@TheOnlyException Doesn’t it just….. Im really happy for you, it is odd how life changes when you take control.

JeffVader's avatar

@TheOnlyException No worries, I like to think of nice people being happy, & ur a nice person :)

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