General Question

peewee1357's avatar

Should I let my boyfriend have a private couch dance with a stripper?

Asked by peewee1357 (10points) April 1st, 2010

I have a boyfriend for several years. We have a very good relationship. I’m not a very conservative person, we went together several times to a strip-club, and even to a live sex-show in Amsterdam. I feel pretty comfortable with it (we pay, we watch, have fun and go home). We don’t do it weekly (once, twice a year maybe).

Recently we went to another such club, and he asked me if I’d mind if he had a private coach dance with a stripper. I didn’t really know what to say… On one hand, I trust him 100%, and I’m absolutely not concerned about him “cheating” on me with a stripper or something, on the other hand, when I am trying to imagine what’s going to happen there it feels kind of weird. Yes, I know, “she doesn’t want him, but his money, he doesn’t want her but the “product” that she sells”... but still, isn’t he supposed to touch only me, and only me him? aren’t these “sweet” memories going to pop up in his mind once in a while when we in a bed?

On the “third” hand, I don’t want to be selfish, and to prevent him from doing fun things, overall he is a very good guy that deserves having some fun (its not that he is going to have an affair with this stripper).

I have no problem talking to him about this, we have a very open relationship, but I know if I’ll tell him that I’m kind of disturbed, he won’t ever do it, and then I will have a bad feeling that I’m not letting him to have some fun. I want to be fun, and I want him to know that I am fun.

What do you think?

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33 Answers

Ltryptophan's avatar

Er….I am the guy for you! lol

dpworkin's avatar

I don’t know what’s “fun” about spending too much money to have a woman who holds you in the strongest contempt pretend that she is sexually aroused by you, and imitate some arousal behaviors. Does he have to be stoned first in order to suspend disbelief? Is he just credulous? Or is it enough to have a sexually appealing body gyrating nearby, and he doesn’t give a shit what’s in the woman’s mind?

tinyfaery's avatar

You feel how you feel. You can try to change your thinking and hope your feelings change, but you don’t have to. Tell him how you feel. Maybe he won’t even care. Maybe he will. Either way, you are communicating with him and that’s a great start.

Personally, I don’t think it’s such a big deal. You say you have a great relationship, so why should this bother you?

ZEPHYRA's avatar

Say yes, but ask him if you can do the same with a male stripper and see his reaction!

Pretty_Lilly's avatar

Just tell’em “OK! but if you get one I get one with a male stripper of my choice”

thriftymaid's avatar

Put on a blonde wig and give him the private dance of his life.

DarkScribe's avatar

I have never seen the attraction for lap dances. Even when I was singe I have refused them, not on the basis of any principle, but because I didn’t find them appealing.

Kismet's avatar

To be honest with you, I don’t know how you can go out and watch shows with your boyfriend like you do. I’m not against it, I just don’t know if I could do that myself.
As for the whole stripper dance thing, I would also be a negative.

It really comes down to if you trust him or even if you feel comfortable with it, which you are showing signs of it actually making you uncomfortable. Talk to him about it, like you said.

A relationship is about teamwork, trust, understanding, and sacrifices. :)
You can do it!

Captain_Fantasy's avatar

You’ll have to ask yourself “How would I feel when a stripper starts doing her thing on his lap and he starts to really like it maybe more than the last time he was with me?”

I would have to advise against this personally.

Aethelwine's avatar

He asked how you felt about the situation. That’s a good sign! At least you know he is thinking about your feelings. Ask him if you can join him. ;)

btw….I loathe strip clubs. just sayin’

kheredia's avatar

Does he know how you feel about it? Maybe if you express your feelings and tell him exactly what you are telling us here.. he will decide that he rather not upset you over a brief moment of expensive eye candy. If your relationship is as good as you say it is then there shouldn’t be a problem with you guys being honest to each other and talking about how you feel about things like this.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

What does he think the stripper can do that you can’t?

Kraigmo's avatar

I think those clubs are boring, so I’m not sure why it seemed fun for him to want to do that. But then again, it’s not a really big deal. There’s no threat. You were just feeling a little jealous. But if that’s his only vice, let him do it. It won’t harm a thing.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

It depends on what you can accept seen or unseen, an imagination running wild behind a checked tongue is brutal. Consider what @Captain_Fantasy has said and also know private room time with strippers means blowjobs, handjobs and more.

PattyAtHome's avatar

It sounds like its just something to do for fun. You’re already going to these places together, so I don’t think it’s really a big deal. Don’t let jealousy cause you to overreact. This is just an entertainment activity, not like he’s actually going out with anyone. It’s kind of like flirting, a lot of people get really upset when their partner is flirting or a partner will get upset if you are, but it’s just all harmless fun. You said you trust him, so don’t let your insecurities create problems for you. Just have fun together and you’ll have a good relationship.

Bugabear's avatar

Why private? If you enjoy this kind of thing why dont you go with him?

Dr_Lawrence's avatar

It’s good that he asked, but his motivation still seeks questionable.

hug_of_war's avatar

I think you have a right to feel what you feel and you shouldn’t go along with something because you think you’re supposed to. I would feel uncomfortable with my boyfriend being directly physically aroused by another woman (or man) – that’s a personal boundary I know I couldn’t be okay with. You need to discuss your boundaries – forget about what you should think.

davidbetterman's avatar

Absolutely yes. And when he wants a threesome with a hooker, you should acquiesce to that as well. And when he wants you to to dance while naked standing on your head…hey…give it a whirl.

Or, just say no.

PattyAtHome's avatar

@davidbetterman – that is a lot different. the couch dance is just another part of the entertainment at places they are already going together. Actually doing something physical with another person is something different altogether. And asking her to become one of the entertainers would be something totally different also. What she is talking about is kind of harmless given the fact that they are ok with going to strip clubs together already.

davidbetterman's avatar

Whatever floats your friend’s boat then.

FutureMemory's avatar

Unexpected things can happen at strip clubs. Here in California there is a strict rule – absolutely no touching in any way, shape or form. During a lap dance you have to put your hands behind your back. Despite these rules, I actually had a stripper kiss me on the lips – something absolutely unheard of (at least to my knowledge) – I believe she could have been fired for such behavior, yet she did it anyway. (I still trip out when I think about it – I guess my pimpin’ skills are just that good). So, back to your boyfriend. If you give him the green light to have the private dance, who knows what might happen. Are you comfortable with not knowing what they may be “doing”?

To clarify, I am not a regular patron of such establishments – some co-workers more or less dragged me along, and even thought I specifically said “I ain’t gettin no dance or whatever…” they arranged for a stripper to give me one – to which I reluctantly agreed. I’m not gonna lie though, it was a very enjoyable experience.

Just_Justine's avatar

I love your insight into this, in that you realise she sells a product and he is buying it. Someone else summed it up nicely here, that sex workers are merely feeling contempt and want his money. But your feelings I do understand, what concerns me is the thought of “what could be next in this relationship”. Meaning what other ideas will he come up, with will it go further in some way? In a way the more we dare the more shit we get into.

Violet's avatar

I love your question, and the way your worded it. You sound like an amazing girlfriend. Your boyfriend is very lucky to be with a girl as cool as you.
Honestly, he doesn’t need that lap dance. I think it would be better if you got a couples lap dance instead.
@FutureMemory I’ve had a full touch couples lap dance in California

laureth's avatar

It sounds like your adventures together so far have been just that: together. A private dance is, by definition, not together. Has the “together” rule been made formal?

@PandoraBoxx – what can the stripper do that @peewee1357 can’t? The answer is “not be @peewee1357.” This is a manifestation of the Coolidge effect.

If this boyfriend gets a special dance, chances are he’d get fairly randy and their bedroom would be on fire when they get home. Is the benefit worth the cost of letting him look at other hens? Only the asker can answer that.

I would not be okay with Mr. Laureth doing this, no, not at all.

Pandora's avatar

I think at some point you may want to decide where you draw the line. This sounds like you’ve already decided where that line is at. You need to draw the line where it is all fun for him and hurtful to you. If he is the incredable guy you say he is than he should respect your decision. If he doesn’t than he’s not as great as you think and only wants a patsy.
Seems as though he is getting deep into this kind of world and he wants you to be alright with it. Where is it going to stop? You watching him get a lap dance, you watching him have sex with another girl? You joining in? You having sex with another girl and him watching? Exchanging sex partners? The more you allow to become grey area the less likely you’ll be able to see what is simply black and white.

FutureMemory's avatar

@Violet No kiddin’? Where did this happen, and can I crash at your place when I get there.

Violet's avatar

@FutureMemory somewhere between ‘04 and ‘06

slick44's avatar

You should just have a threesome

JeffVader's avatar

Idon’t think you should be worried about feeling bad….. What’s peculiar about not feeling 100% up for some woman writhing around on your fella. Even if him touching her would result in his arm being broken in about 6 places. If you’re not 100% happy, then let him know & if he respects you, he’ll drop the idea.

CodePinko's avatar

Yes if you are mature and secure.
If not, no.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Gawds, I lurve @laureth‘s answer!

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