General Question

MayBear's avatar

What does it mean when a guy says he doesnt want you to "walk outta his life"?

Asked by MayBear (556points) April 1st, 2010

My friend tasha began dating this guy and fell in love and they guy said he was falling for her as well. Well be broke up with her a week ago and said that he had “alot of things to work out, but once he does its him and her” He says his feelings for her havent changed and that he doesnt want her to “walk out of his life”. Is that a way of him trying to lead her on? Or is he sincere? Or does it all depend. I dont know what to tell her because my heart says hes being sincere but my head is screaming GAME. Help please?

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29 Answers

mammal's avatar

would this friend Tasha be you by any chance?

DarkScribe's avatar

He hasn’t got another booty call organised yet.

MayBear's avatar

@mammal No no. It really isnt me. I have my own messed up relationship im dealing with someone overseas. and im not even dating him. LOL.

thriftymaid's avatar

He can work things out without breaking up with her. I have to wonder if he has a wife somewhere.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

Who broke up with whom? If he broke up with her, he’s stringing her along. If she broke up with him, he wants her to disregard whatever it is that caused her to break up with him in the first place. In other words, sit by the phone and wait, so that I know you’re available when I feel like it.

She needs to move on.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

”... a lot of things to work out…”

-Another girl who thinks she’s the only one and is getting suspicious.
-A baby on the way he’s not sure is his.
-Married but not decided on divorce yet.
-Separated but still dating his ex.

cyn's avatar

are you drunk?

Pretty_Lilly's avatar

It means you need to run screaming away from the MFer !

ru2bz46's avatar

Your insight is spot on @Neizvestnaya!

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Life experience is a bitch!

MayBear's avatar

So a guy cant honestly be stressed and confused and pull the ebrake on a relationship to figure things out WITHOUT him having some other woman on the side??

Neizvestnaya's avatar

One thing I’ve learned about men in love is that when they want someone, they go for it!

ru2bz46's avatar

@MayBear It’s not necessarily another woman, but if he’s serious, he’ll be there. If he wants to “figure things out”, he’s checking his options, or trying to let her down passively.

MayBear's avatar

But dont guys get “scared” and runaway if they get feelings? The whole “i rather be hated then loved” skit?

chicadelplaya's avatar

I had a very similar thing happen to me a year or so ago. “I’m a mess and I’m not good for you right now, but I still want you in my life”. Although I believed he was a mess and needed time to sort his stuff out, he ended up moving on to someone else that was probably a better fit for him or whatever. Broke my heart, but what can you do. It’s hard to say if your friend is being jerked around or not. Could be bad timing, could be this guy is emotionally immature with baggage to deal with, or whatever. Try to encourage your friend to walk away. If this guy realizes he really wants to make it work with her, he’ll make an effort to seek her out and make it happen.

ru2bz46's avatar

@MayBear Sure, it happens. My brother does did that. He always broke up with the girl though. It’s rare behavior to get cold feet, then keep a girl hanging on.

MayBear's avatar

@chicadelplaya He said he has alot of “baggage” and that the past is catching up to him. and karma. Idk. I feel bad for her cause she is a mess. She loves him and wants to walk away but she says she just doesnt “see” other guys. They still talk daily apparently. And he mentions working it out but nows not the time.

chicadelplaya's avatar

@MayBear That’s really hard. Unfortunately, sounds like it could be a long, painful road ahead for your friend. These things usually don’t end as we would like them to. Meaning, with romantic love forever, roses, and such. It often takes years for people to sort out their baggage, IF they are willing to face it and work on it. Perhaps they could just focus on themselves and be friends.

MayBear's avatar

@ru2bz46 What do you mean its rare to get cold feet and then keep a girl hanging on?

Zaku's avatar

It’s hard to know. It could absolutely be another woman, wife, pregnancy, or something. Or it could be emotional issues without another current woman. If this happened to me (as the girl), I would start focusing on my own needs and assume I might not get back together with him, and if I did end up getting back with him, I’d want to know what it was, but I also wouldn’t just declare it over.

People need to be able to come apart and take care of themselves as individuals, and a relationship where people can come apart and then back together can be very healthy for both.

Or, it could be someone two-timing, which sucks. Can’t tell from this, about this case.

davidbetterman's avatar

Tell her to run away from him as fast as her little feet can run.

He is worthless to her insofar as a relationship goes. He admitted it to her. How far down a road to heartache does she want to travel? How deeply codependent is she? Is this guy just like her daddy?

EdMayhew's avatar

Yeah, I tend to agree with the general sentiment here. It sounds at least like he’s got better things to do, but wants to keep the door open just in case. It’s not healthy that they talk every day either, she should get some space after a breakup and this is just keeping her from moving on.

Welcome to fluther by the way!


MayBear's avatar

@zaku Very good points.

@davidbetterman No this was her 1st love.

@EdMayhew So space is what she needs? and thank you :)

EdMayhew's avatar

@MayBear You’re welcome :D It’s good to get a bit of space after an emotionally difficult break up. If this was mutual maybe they could settle into being friends right away, but it’s not so she should step back in order to get some perspective at least.


MayBear's avatar

Does it make a difference if its HIM who is the one calling, texting and commenting on all her facebook stuff?? She doesnt go outta her way, she just waits for him.

Just_Justine's avatar

People including your friend, deserve an explanation. They also deserve to know ones intentions. Personally I would hit the eject button on a person who could not trust me enough to communicate with me.

chyna's avatar

You are confusing how men think with how women think. Men do not think like women. If they love/want a woman, they go after her. They do not step back to weigh their feelings, to access the relationship. It sounds like he is jerking her around, keeping her on the side until he either gets the new girl he is after, or he doesn’t and then he will go after your friend again.

rahm_sahriv's avatar

Your friend needs to lose this guy and move on. He is playing games with her.

ru2bz46's avatar

@MayBear What I meant is that when a guy gets cold feet, for whatever reason, he wants to get away. Keeping her hanging on isn’t getting him what he needs – space. Maybe things are different with this guy…

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