Social Question

Kylie's avatar

Do you judge people on how they look?

Asked by Kylie (211points) April 2nd, 2010

I must say I personally don’t. However, I find I am constantly judged by people or criticised about my appearance. It makes it harder as one grows older. I used to model but now I am older I have got the usual signs of ageing. But people comment on it all the time particularly if they haven’t seen me in a while. I get comments like “Oh you’re a granny now” or “Your butt has got bigger” those types of remarks. The sources of these “insults” are varied both males and females of all age ranges.

If I were to see a difference in a person I would hardly remark on it. Is this normal for people to do? Or are they being hurtful? Would you tell a person they have “put on weight” or “gotten old”? It is people I know as opposed to random strangers. My self esteem has taken a huge knock because of this. Of course some people say nice things, perhaps I am just appalled at the ones who say whatever they want? How do I respond to them?

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91 Answers

nailpolishfanatic's avatar

OMG yes!!! I know its stupid but when I judge people my self confidence reises up:) Sometimes I just shut up and keep it to myself, because I don’t want to be bad to the other person by say maybe putting them down?

Kismet's avatar

In my opinion, everyone judges either to themselves or openly. Judging is more of a harsher way to put “first impression”.

It seems from your other question asked earlier, you are unsure of yourself and those around you. I’d assume this is the result of low self esteem, which will effect the way people see you.
If a person sees you comfortable in your own skin, they may not judge so harshly, or to your face.
But you are probably harder on yourself than these people are on you, it is harder to please yourself than it is to others.

People will remark on changes they see, or they will note them to themselves.
This is normal, I believe.

As for your response, don’t respond negatively, or at least try not to. You are human, and we all have our flaws, physically or emotionally.
I’m sure you are beautiful, and the what you need to remember are the good things said about you, and not the bad.

Kylie's avatar

am I allowed to reply to a comment?

Kismet's avatar

@Kylie I believe so. :)

TheOnlyException's avatar

I have never been told by anyone that I have put on weight or anything, the worst is maybe, ‘you need to pull down your dress’, (that counts as appearance right? haha) But I have been told I look pretty, or even beautiful and this matters to me. I make the effort to look good and I like being rewarded, I like being judged on how I look, if I’m being perfectly honest.
But we are humans. We judge based on appearance and no matter how much you deny it, you do it too.

I remember walking down the street one day and seeing some odd looking, overweight woman standing there in what i can only describe as a leprechaun costume and I thought “what the hell does she think she looks like.. she’s embarrassing herself”
I got closer and realised she had a placard that read ‘put a stop to prejudice”
which I had to say, made me feel oh so tiny.

So of course we judge people on how they look and we are judged in return.
From job interviews to wolf whistling construction workers, looks are what we go on first time around.

Now whether they really matter to us or not when it comes to forming relationships with other people is what separates the shallow from the ones that run a little deeper.

But everybody likes a pretty sight…

Kylie's avatar

Kismet. I think there is a lot of truth in what you say. Perhaps I am too critical of myself, so only hear the negative comments. I would never openly insult a person. After all if they asked then I would give an opinion as diplomatically as possible.TheOnlyException I would hate to base my entire life on how people enjoyed my looks I have always understood looks fade. Plus when I was younger I hated that people only saw a face it was a turn off for me.I felt they didn’t understand I was a person too. With feelings. Thesexier thank you for that it sort of makes sense. I hope that is what they are doing, I think it is, not sure.

Vunessuh's avatar

I don’t believe that you don’t or have never judged someone based on appearances. We all have. Perhaps not for every individual we come across, but plenty of them. As humans, we have to judge and evaluate people and situations or we would be incapable of making decisions. You feel as if you’re constantly judged, but so do plenty of other people and I’m sure that you have contributed to someone feeling this same exact way as well.
I think it’s okay to make judgements, because like I said, it’s a must in order to make decisions, grow and learn from our mistakes, be successful at any task – big or small and go through life, but I don’t believe that first impressions or the way someone looks, defines a person. Instead, I like to get to know someone before I decide whether or not they would be a good addition to my life. It’s unfair to make that type of decision based off of someone’s appearance. You can make your judgments, but what’s more important is how you react to them. Will any negative judgments/assumptions you initially have of that person keep you from getting to know them further, or will you be open enough to set those aside and learn who this person is inside?

Cruiser's avatar

Yes…it is nearly impossible not to and if anyone says otherwise they are lying. First appearances are everything and things like basic hygiene, grooming even clothes will all get processed in the first 2 seconds and 95% of my mind will be made up over this first immediate appraisal. Plus you can tell if this outwardly look is their usual “look” or a temporary look due to any number of circumstances weather they are all dolled up for a special occasion or the CEO is running to Home Depot in tattered work clothes to by another gallon of primer!

Fyrius's avatar

I want to interject here that appearance is often actually a pretty good basis at least for a first impression.
Of course the fact that someone has brown hair doesn’t tell you anything about their personality, but you can definitely tell what kind of person you’re looking at from their clothes, make-up, tattoos, mannerisms, and indeed sometimes from the physical shape of their bodies. You can tell a fitness enthusiast from a cooking enthusiast from their body fat ratio and musculature.
It doesn’t tell you much, but it does tell you something. To be precise, for most people it tells you exactly what they want their appearance to tell you.

And the reason why you can’t understand someone based on their looks is because people don’t want you to understand them right away. People have to get to know you before they trust you with the personal information you need to really understand them.
And I’ve tried being open-hearted enough to random strangers to let them understand me, but I think it makes people feel uncomfortable.

“But everybody likes a pretty sight…”
Except the blind. :P

Kylie's avatar

Yes I see I should have worded my question do you criticize peoples looks. My mistake :-( I certainly do make assumptions based on first appearance whether correctly or not. Time tells. However I do not insult peoples body’s or their ageing process! I also do not value people based on how pretty they are.

DarkScribe's avatar

You don’t judge people by how they look, yet you, a woman who admits to being of a “grandmother” age, uses a teenager’s photo as an icon. I remain unconvinced of your veracity. I think that you place enormous import on how people appear.

Kylie's avatar

I am not a grandmother!! I am 36. I wrote people say “hello granny” by way of insinuating I am ageing. Good grief.

gorillapaws's avatar

@DarkScribe her icon is Madonna…

DarkScribe's avatar

@Kylie people say “hello granny” by way of insinuating I am ageing. Good grief.

yes. “good grief” is right. The comment still stands. People regard you as looking like a possible grandmother and you use a teenager’s photo as an icon. What else is different – what else that has a bearing on your claim not to care about age that is.

DarkScribe's avatar

@gorillapaws her icon is Madonna

You could (and if it is true – did) fool me. It looks nothing like Madonna. Unless of course it is a photo of a much, much, younger Madonna. The comment still stands.

Fyrius's avatar

I don’t think @Kylie said she doesn’t care about her age. On the contrary, she seems rather sensitive about it.
No offence.

DarkScribe's avatar

@Fyrius She asked Do you judge people on how they look?

Followed by I must say I personally don’t. and an icon depicting a person much younger. It is simple hypocrisy – how can it be regarded in any other way?

Kylie's avatar

DarkScribe I am not sure as to why you are twisting everything I am saying. I never said I do not care about ageing as I do! I just do not like being insulted. My question is really about why people find the need to point out ones flaws if they are in fact flaws. Perhaps they or myself put too much emphasis on my looks? When I see people I have not seen in a while I would be interested in how they are, what they are doing with their lives, I do not notice if they have aged or picked up weight. It is irrelevant to me unless they had become obese, I would be concerned and shocked particularly if it was not in their nature to be that way before. If they had picked up a stone or so, I would keep quiet about it. I am sure they would have noticed them selves. I certainly don’t criticise Or if they asked me if they had changed I would say so because they asked. As I said earlier on I should have used the word criticise ones looks, which I do not. I do of course get a first impression of a person which I normally keep to myself. My first impression of you is antagonistic, assuming and judgemental.

Kylie's avatar

Yes my icon is Madonna who is fifty something and rocks!

DarkScribe's avatar

@Kylie DarkScribe I am not sure as to why you are twisting everything I am saying

Ok. I have not twisted anything – just repeated it. Verbatim

You are asking why other people seem be be concerned with the looks of others and yet have an icon/avatar that is obviously much younger than your own age. That smacks of hypocrisy. If you don’t care about how people look – why not post a real image? If you know people who are insulting, then you need to “weed” your address book. Regardless of how you look, people who care for you would not make negative comment. It appears that you might have changed rapidly in a less than subtle manner and people are reacting from shock or surprise. If not, maybe you don’t need them in your life.

That icon might be Madonna, but it is NOT of her at fifty. I have quite a lot of knowledge about both Madonna and why she looks good at her age.

FutureMemory's avatar

@Kylie Don’t mind DarkScribe. He can be a real pain in the ass. Welcome to Fluther by the way!

DarkScribe's avatar

@FutureMemory Don’t mind DarkScribe. He can be a real pain in the ass. Welcome to Fluther by the way!

Was that your ass? I thought that it was a target. (or a safety barrier…)

Fyrius's avatar

Yes, well, I’d regard that as naivété. I think a lot of people honestly believe they don’t judge people even though they do. A mistake of self-perception.

But I believe the point I contested is that she would have claimed not to care about age. It’s a minor point.

By the way, @Kylie, if you want to know what it’s like really not to be judged on your looks, I can recommend visiting anonymous internet communities. No name, no face, no reputation, only your words.

Ironically the people you’ll find there tend to be even more judgemental about each other than people who can see they’re talking to a human being.

DarkScribe's avatar

Kylie, don’t mind me – I am a devout worshiper in the Church of Pedanticism. (I thought that is was a strip club when I first entered… but they wouldn’t give me my money back.)

FutureMemory's avatar

Lions, Tigers and DarkScribes, oh my!

Kylie's avatar

Darkscribe – My avatar is older than I am. I am here to try and work through a lot of things that are bothering me, self esteem being one. Which I was not aware of until now, not fully. Some posts have already suggested that. I would rather do it in private – that is of course if you don’t mind? – you also said I was of granny age? I would imagine you would get a couple of granny’s my age but not me! You suggested my avatar is a teen? well good for Madonna is all I can say. I never open up about my feelings, and now I understand why. To Fyrius that is what I am trying to do!!

LostInParadise's avatar

I deliberately judge people by appearance as part of a first impression. I look especially at the eyes. Are they sad? Are they alert? Does the person maintain eye contact? I also notice how the person walks and how a person speaks. My feeling is that whether consciously or unconsciously we judge people by appearance, so if I am aware of it I can try to avoid snap judgments and keep everything tentative.

Kylie's avatar

And the age comment “it gets harder” is because it gets harder to please people it seems. Anyway I am out of here.Thanks for your help DarkScribe – to everyone else much appreciated I did get some good answers :-)

wonderingwhy's avatar

Do you judge people on how they look?
Snap judgements, yes, all the time. But I also realize those judgements for what they are and try to make sure they don’t get in the way of the interaction or serve as the basis of a lasting opinion.

If I were to see a difference in a person I would hardly remark on it. Is this normal for people to do?
I notice stuff all the time and don’t say anything unless they bring it up.

Or are they being hurtful?
Without hearing it first hand, I can’t speak to their intent, but I wouldn’t assume the worst right off the bat, unless you have reason to believe otherwise.

Would you tell a person they have “put on weight” or “gotten old”?
Depends on my relationship with them. If I know they’ll take it in good stride, sure. If I know they’re concerned about it or “thin skinned” I won’t say anything unless they bring it up.

My self esteem has taken a huge knock because of this.
Ask yourself why their opinion of how you look matters to you so much. What matters is your opinion of yourself.

Of course some people say nice things, perhaps I am just appalled at the ones who say whatever they want?
Certain personalities tend to focus on the negative.

How do I respond to them?
If it really bothers you that much, tell them, they’re your friends, they’ll understand. Otherwise, just remember, it’s not about what others think about you, it’s about what you think of yourself.

Fyrius's avatar

You’re trying to be anonymous so as not to be judged on appearance?
In that case, lose the avatar and get a more neutral user name. You already have a face and a name that people can judge you on. You can see with a casual glance that you’re a girl, you adopt a name like Kylie and you apparently like Madonna.
You’d be a lot harder to judge on appearance if for example your avatar were a bucket and your username would be Bucket78. Nobody has a problem with buckets.

FutureMemory's avatar

@Kylie When you want to address a specific person, you can type the @ symbol which should bring up a drop down window that will show the names of everyone that has posted in the thread. Select their name and it will appear in this window in the color red.

BoBo1946's avatar

have found, that people that judge others by their looks, will judge them about most anything! so, my take on the subject, just be yourself and “let the chips fall where they fall!

escapedone7's avatar

I think the question is, why do people make rude remarks about changes in appearance that are a result of aging or putting on weight? Don’t they regard such remarks as insensitive or hurtful because they are?

@darkscribe I know you love to debate. However, this is not a debate. This is someone who simply wants to know why people comment about wrinkles and spreading bottoms when such comments are rude. She just didn’t word her question clearly.

And honey , people who do this are just rude.

@Kylie Most people make judgments in their head and often those judgments are wrong. A big burly guy might be more of a teddy bear than a tough guy for instance.

Making snap judgments is human. To say insults out loud though about people’s wrinkles or weight is hurtful. They know this too. You are kind of being bullied a little. Stand up for yourself. Say “I think I look pretty damn good for my age, but thanks for being rude.” Trust me, people will stop doing it.

I can tell you don’t stand up for yourself enough. For example, you don’t have to explain your choices or your avatar to @darkscribe. People here use fake avis all the time for anonymity. You are letting someone crossing the line get to you, when really he’s just doing the same thing you are describing. Tell him to go blow himself.

People who are a little insecure draw bullies in, just like the shy kid at school. Adults don’t completely grow out of it. Some grown ups are the same 4th grade bully just in a bigger body, and never learn. Exude confidence and confront them to their face when they cross the line.

Just_Justine's avatar

I have read this question three times, and I think what you meant was “Do you criticise others for their appearance?”

Well yes sometimes I do, but in my head. I wouldn’t say it out loud because to what end am I seeking? Am I trying to assist them from an early death (i.e. big butt, weight, heart) or am I just being mean? Good question this. Pity it went awry. I think it all boils down to self esteem. Bugger what other people think I say. I have seen gorgeous women of fifty on here, that emanate something special there is more to life than looks.

I have insults too. The other day a clients wife said to me (when my client vanished to the toilet) “You have gone huge!” Well I have picked up a few kg’s due to bipolar medication which I have since stopped. But if you look behind the comment her husband the client had the hots for me a few years ago and he told her. Bloody irritating it is. So, look behind the comment and the motivation. If you feel your butt is bigger and don’t like it then change it. As for ageing do it disgracefully like me, and I am much older than you!!!

Just_Justine's avatar

@BoBo1946 loll GA as always

BoBo1946's avatar

@Just_Justine JJ, thank you very much. Have a great day my friend!

kyanblue's avatar

For the title: yes, I do. It’s inevitable. I think that everyone has inherent bias and will formulate opinions about people based on superficial information, no matter what; the trick is just to ignore the petty thoughts in your head. I do make snap judgements about people (I wish I didn’t) but I do my best to tamp them down.

For the actual question: I don’t know when our personal appearances somehow became acceptable topics of conversation like this, as in “You’ve gained weight” or “You look too thin, you should eat more”. (The last bothers me a lot because the speaker is drawing conclusions without any real information.) This is acceptable coming from my parents, but I’d be upset too if I got it from not-particularly-close friends or somewhat-close-acquaintances. I believe the only acceptable time to make appearance-related comments is if you’re talking to someone that you know will accept your honest opinion, or if it’s complimentary. How close you are to a person really matters when saying more negative comments.

I suppose you could deflect comments with a joke—“I’m not that old yet”, for example, or if you’re like me you can just assume a frosty tone and say “Thanks for letting me know.” That might be a bit hostile, though.

partyparty's avatar

I suppose first impressions do count, but I would never judge someone by their outward appearance. It’s what is on the inside that is important.
Don’t let others put you down, just be yourself and let your personality shine through.

TheOnlyException's avatar

@DarkScribe her icon IS madonna… (a woman who has plastic surgery more often than she changes her underwear, hence she looks young) but either way I don’t really see what that has to do with anything, my icon is Audrey Hepburn and I’ve seen people with icons that are penguins and toadstools or whatever they want…. doesn’t really say anything about them. This isn’t ‘flame-bait’ I just don’t think it is relevant to the question she is asking is all…
also i think this is a very valid question and i enjoy reading people’s thoughts on this kind of topic, we don’t need to start judging the OP now do we? it ruins it for everyone..

TheOnlyException's avatar

ahahah and @Fyrius that is a good point! :p my mistake ;)
p.s. and just to add to my other point, although your icon is a (rather cute) dog in glasses, i am going to assume this is no reflection on your real life self ;)

Vunessuh's avatar

My avatar is of Andre the Giant and I’m a female in my 20’s.
So, what does that say about me since some of us seem to think our avatars are relevant to this conversation.

DarkScribe's avatar

@TheOnlyException also i think this is a very valid question and i enjoy reading people’s thoughts on this kind of topic we don’t need to start judging the OP now do we? it ruins it for everyone..,

But not my thoughts on the subject. Ok. got you. My thoughts are ruining it for everyone. (Sob…)

(BTW Madonna has NOT had extensive plastic surgery – her youthfulness required her effort in other directions.)

DarkScribe's avatar

@Vunessuh My avatar is of Andre the Giant and I’m a female in my 20’s.

Oh. Hell – I’m wrong again – I thought that is was a rather flattering commercial portrait of you. I was about to ask who took it. Ever have one of those days when you can’t get anything right? (I haven’t.)

plethora's avatar

If anyone says anything about your appearance that is less than complimentary, they are being insulting. You are not being overly sensitive.

As for @DarkScribe , he tends to twist almost anything he comments on. I usually ignore him. But I think criticizing your avatar is totally idiotic. Fluther gives us “jellies” for avatars, for crying out loud. They are supposed to look like us?????

TheOnlyException's avatar

@DarkScribe You are perfectly aware I mean thoughts that actually provide an answer to the question being asked.

“You don’t judge people by how they look, yet you, a woman who admits to being of a “grandmother” age, uses a teenager’s photo as an icon”

Whatever she’s doing its a damn sight better than judging someone by their icon, having not even read the question properly.

Just_Justine's avatar

@DarkScribe I love witty smart comments to questions. I also love challenging answers based on fact. Your answers have neither of these qualities so you simply come across as a chump. It’s always easy remember, to kick a dog when it’s down. Particularly a female dog. So Rar rar! you’re a hero!

Fyrius's avatar

Of course not. I stopped wearing this tie years ago.

TheOnlyException's avatar

@Fyrius HAHAHA
Nice one. :)

(also an example of the light witty banter I and many others APPRECIATE)

Vunessuh's avatar

@DarkScribe “Ever have one of those days when you can’t get anything right? (I haven’t.)

Wrong. You have those days on Fluther all the time. Today is another one of dem days, ain’t it?

DarkScribe's avatar

@plethora DarkScribe , he tends to twist almost anything he comments on

Who says that I twist things?

DarkScribe's avatar

@TheOnlyException Whatever she’s doing its a damn sight better than judging someone by their icon, having not even read the question properly.

I didn’t judge her, I commented on the apparent hypocrisy in claiming not to regard looks as important yet using an icon that is indicative of someone much younger. I found it amusing – if you don’t, then that is fine.

TheOnlyException's avatar

@DarkScribe See you are assuming that she has Madonna as her icon because she doesn’t like the way her own face looks, so therefore it MUST be important to her that people think she looks like Madonna. What you made there, was a judgement and nothing else.

She may love how she looks, but may be a fan of Madonna’s. I know that is the reason why I have Audrey Hepburn as my icon, I simply adore her films.

I love the way I look, and am very confident in myself, I don’t need to go posting pictures of myself for strangers to gawp at on some internet site. Now please stop stirring. It is rather tiring.

DarkScribe's avatar

@TheOnlyException _See you are assuming that she has Madonna as her icon because she doesn’t like the way her own face looks, _

No, I am not assuming anything like that. She might be delighted with the way her face looks but possibly not delighted with the age bracket it puts her in. If she hadn’t introduced the subject of people judging others on looks I would not have given it a moment’s thought.

TheOnlyException's avatar

@DarkScribe No, I am

I can take things out of context too when there is no real argument left for me to make :)

zophu's avatar

You can judge a lot about a person based on their appearance. But, there’s always exceptions to the rule. Meaning, nothing definitive should be assumed, but to try to not use the appearance as an indicator would be foolish. You’re going to do it subconsciously anyway.

Are you sure this person you know is trying to be mean? Or is heshe just being inconsiderate? Cause there’s a difference. Don’t feel too bad for too long about aging, if you’ve lived a good life you’ll have plenty to compensate for lost attractiveness and health. And if you haven’t, there’s always stuff you can do to start, I guess.

DarkScribe's avatar

@TheOnlyException I can take things out of context too when there is no real argument left for me to make :)

It’s fun, isn’t it – playing with wind-up toys?

TheOnlyException's avatar

@DarkScribe Oh snap! I was sure you were just going to take that last bit of my comment

there is no real argument left for me to make

You wiley thing you :-/

DarkScribe's avatar


Ok, time out – I will stop winding people up. I have some new music to listen to. (And some of that magic water they export from Scotland…)

TheOnlyException's avatar

@DarkScribe A break from the bullshitting is always nice.

DarkScribe's avatar

Ouch! – later…

TheOnlyException's avatar

Yeah tschüss..

zophu's avatar

I like @DarkScribe ‘s arguments with people. They’re entertaining. But I think they only start out of boredom.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I use the way people look to read something about them but I don’t put much stock into my assumptions. I judge people more on what they say, how they act, when they’re cowards and when they step up. I hear comments in my direction all the time – had dreads and lots of facial piercings before..that always gets random strangers talking…now that I’m yet again losing the baby weight, people talk about the weight loss and I don’t bring it up…they’re so inappropriate about it because they’re my colleagues.

Facade's avatar

Yes. I don’t judge by fat/ skinny, attractive/ unattractive though. It’s more like if I see a person who looks messy or unkempt, I’m going to assume that they don’t not care much about themselves.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@Facade I think I look messy often though and I do care quite about myself, just not so much about ‘looking kempt’ so to speak, :)

Facade's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir C’mon, you know what I meant lol. Do you think you look messy in your avi?

Coloma's avatar

I don’t judge on looks, but I do judge on well groomed and good hygiene.

We all can fluctuate in our weight and appearances especially as we age, but, an unkempt image speaks to me of a slovenly person or depression or general lack of pride in appearance.

I absoloutly can spot a depressed person a mile away by how their overall appearnce shows up. Sloppy, stained clothing, greasy hair…ewwww.

I think we should all make the effort to look as nice as we can short of yardwork days or a camping trip! lol

dpworkin's avatar

It has always been adaptive for hominins to evaluate every stranger in order to determine the level of danger, or the mate quality, or any number of other important qualities, and for at least 6 million years we have been doing this partly on the basis of appearance.

CMaz's avatar

“Do you judge people on how they look?”

You have to. You have to start somewhere, or you would be wasting a whole lot of time.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@Facade not in my avatar, no

TheOnlyException's avatar

@ChazMaz sums it up pretty well.

filmfann's avatar

My mom always did, but she learned not to in her last years.
She loved my daughter tremendously. When my daughter turned 18, she began getting pierced and tattooed (she now works as a body piercer). My Mom, just before her death, said that she always judged people by how they look, but that she knew my daughters heart, and realized that her outward appearence was not a good representation of her. That was a big step for my Arkansas born, Southern Baptist raised mother to make.
I try not to judge anyone by their appearence. Despite what @Cruiser says, you can achieve this.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

To an extent I do, no way around it. Every day I look over a team of co workers and make judgments on who is making efforts and their attention to physical appearance is part of that. As far as strangers in public go, I look at people more or less to gauge if they could be a physical threat to me or not, appearances don’t help much there. When single then I look at people’s appearance to give me an idea of what they think is important to themselves as far as hygiene and primping go, personally I’m a bit fussy and also attracted to the more fussy so yeah, I judge then.

Siren's avatar

In my opinion, we all judge each other’s looks superficially when we encounter one another on the street or some other public venue. But after those first few seconds, when you are engaged in discussion, I tend to focus on what they are saying (and how they are saying it) and judge a person solely on their behavior and whether I personally like them or not.

With regards to people openly commenting on your looks and whether they feel you have aged or not, those individuals are obviously rude and have no manners. On top of that, feel free to think they are jealous if they are making disparaging comments on how you have aged. They are undoubtedly the envious ones when you were younger and are now feeling that they can take potshots at you. I would simply look at them and say “I still look better than you” even if you don’t feel it. That should shut them up!

MorenoMelissa1's avatar

I wouldn’t just a person on there outside apperance, I would judge them accordingly to how they respect themselves as well as others.

Mikelbf2000's avatar

I try not to. I have always been a chubby person and it hurts when people judge me for it. People are too quick to jump to conclusions based on what they see.

Exhausted's avatar

Are you a granny now? Has your butt gotten bigger? Is it really a judgement if it’s true? I don’t waste the precious moments of my life worrying about what other people think of my appearance. If it’s true, it’s true. You can’t stop time and you can’t stay young forever. I wasted my youth wishing to be prettier, more attractive, better….etc. Now I realize I should have enjoyed what I had when I had it. I think acceptance of aging is much more attractive than the denial of it.

Mikelbf2000's avatar

As far as aging is concerned. It’s not that big of a deal to me, I know people in their forties who still look very attractive :) I’m not looking for a model. I’m looking for a real person.

evandad's avatar

Only on a physical level

mollypop51797's avatar

I judge myself, and I truthfully judge others. I can look at someone from afar and judge him/her, but that doesn’t mean that I’d treat them any differently. I wait for first impressions, before I start judging people.

jazmina88's avatar

Last Christmas I walked in the convenience store to get some coffee and this idiot walked in, looked at me and said “FUGLY.”

I will never forget it. It has hurt so bad.

He doesnt know that looks are nothing, they go with age, sometimes.

and it’s what in your heart that matters.

Let the world stop judging….let ye who is without sin CAST the first stone.

shpadoinkle_sue's avatar

I do. Not really on purpose, I hope, but as a gauge of my environment.

Nially_Bob's avatar

From what i’ve observed humans tend to judge others based upon what they know and understand of them and how this relates to past knowledge of social interaction. If one meets a stranger what knowledge does one have pertaining to them? Their physical appearance, their personal hygiene, their general demeanor, do they look like they are part of a street gang? Could they be a threat? A potential sexual partner? Once further information is attained (personality, hobbies, general intelligence etc) then this may become part of the overall analysis of the person in question and initial judgements can accordingly be disregarded, clarified or slightly altered so as to have a more elaborate and detailed view of the person depending mainly upon the perceiver in the situation. However, until this further information is attained (assuming it is) ones judgement shall remain based primarily on superficial factors and past knowledge.

Is this a detrimental thought pattern? I do not believe so. Humans tend to be afraid of what they do not understand with good reason. If we cannot predict our surroundings it’s more likely that they shall work against our objectives and preferences, and fellow humans are an inevitable element of ones environment so must be judged to some degree.

“Yes I see I should have worded my question do you criticize peoples looks. My mistake :-( I certainly do make assumptions based on first appearance whether correctly or not. Time tells. However I do not insult peoples body’s or their ageing process! I also do not value people based on how pretty they are.”

When judging another, criticism is an unavoidable byproduct as without it one cannot acquire a balanced idea of the individual in question. When meeting someone who smells unpleasant one does not think, “What a fantastic dress sense, and their hair looks great, and they seem rather laid back”. No, these will be part of the analysis but the immediate thought, due to it being the most evident to the senses, will likely be, “They smell terrible”. It all comes as a ‘package deal’ if you will and shall remain so unless meeting a perfect human.

Alongside this comes the desires of the ego. Criticism is often conjured when judging an individual as a means to appease oneself. It is not uncommon to compare someone to oneself with an emphasis on attributes that one feels they possess or are relatively good at. For example, if jealous of a persons looks one may remind themselves that said person is not as physically fit as them. It is a tendency generally attached to the more self-concious among us and though this attachment seems to have some validity, it appears apparent that the vast majority of humans perform this ego appeasement activity on a regular basis. It’s plausible that such may be caused by an evolutionary system designed to make us feel superior and as such lower the probability of us feeling abhorrently towards one another resulting in mutual benefit. But that’s just an educated guess on my part :)

Why others have chosen to announce what they deem your flaws could be due to a number of things. The most likely possibilities that occur to me are that they’re genuinely attempting to offer constructive criticism, they’re insecure with themselves in some manner, or they’re saying these things in good humour. It’s difficult to reach a credible conclusion with limited information. My suggested response to these open criticisms is “Talk to the hand” due to its tried and tested ability to act as a reply to anything and everything.

partyparty's avatar

@jazmina88 What a rude person. I agree it is what’s on the inside that counts.

Exhausted's avatar

@jazmina88 I’m sorry that happened to you. That was very rude. Don’t waste your time being hurt. It could have been some mindless person thinking it was funny to say that to a stranger because it got them so attention. The world is full of all kinds of people that are beautiful in someone else’s eyes. Ignore ignorance and hear the love that people who find you beautiful share with you, instead.

Just_Justine's avatar

@jazmina88 I have come to the conclusion that @Thesexier ‘s answer was the best one here. People do it to build themselves up. Not sure how it works but it seems to work for loads of people. Insults are not acceptable in any shape or form. They are in effect passive aggressive abuse, jealousy, low self esteem, sadistic and uncalled for. There I feel better now. You have a beautiful heart it shines through in all your answers. :)

Coloma's avatar


No excuse for abuse!

It’s always helpful to remember that others stuff is just that…their stuff. Nothing personal, lots of miserable people that delight in discharging their own unhappiness on others. I avoid bitchy, passive aggressive types like the plague. I’m a veritable bloodhound when it comes to sniffing out others dark intent.

crankywithakeyboard's avatar

Everyone does. There’s no denying it.

I don’t judge on whether I think people look attractive or not-at least not too much. But I will admit that if I see certain clothing styles (pants hanging off the ass, baseball hats worn to the side, thongs sticking out of pants), I almost automatically think that the person is an idiot. I will admit it.

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