Social Question

melanie81's avatar

Come on guys: When you flake out on a girl and tell her you "passed out", is that the real truth?

Asked by melanie81 (792points) April 2nd, 2010

I think it’s a cover-up.

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

34 Answers

melanie81's avatar

and by “pass out”, I mean fall asleep….

zandrace's avatar

whats the background on this story?
Give us the whole situation

Otherwise, it could go either way

Kraigmo's avatar

I’ve never flaked on anyone, ever, in my adult life.

It’s easy.

Never trust any flake, they are too selfish.

I cancel out appointments and arrangements all the time, but that’s not flaking, if advance notice is given

nikipedia's avatar

I don’t know, I have a friend who does this pretty much weekly. It’s not personal; she’s just a flake.

mrentropy's avatar

I’ve never done that to anyone. But I’ve had women do it to me.
I feel discriminated against by this question.

melanie81's avatar

@zandrace Well, I went on this awesome date with a guy on Thursday, then Friday he calls after work wondering if we could hang out later – which I was totally up for, but I go to the gym every night at 9pm and I had stuff to do before then. So he knew it would be late. I called him when I got out, around 10:30 and didn’t hear from him until this morning, when I got a text that said, “Hey cutes! I passed out hard after I talked to you. :(”

Weird thing is that then he asked if I wanted to hang out tonight…and I took awhile to respond (about an hour)...and when I said, “Sure, let’s do something – though I have plans with my girlfriends at 10:30, so maybe before then?” he wrote back saying he just made plans with a friend in L.A. (about an hour away)! wtf, like he couldn’t wait an hour to get my response? So me thinks there are games being played…

melanie81's avatar

@nikipedia @mrentropy haha, YES, I should have stated that girls do this all the time as well. One of my best friends does this on a regular basis, though when we do hang out we have a blast. I think she’s just a flake and frankly, I think it’s a bit selfish.

poisonedantidote's avatar

what is ’‘flake out?’’ i have never come across this term before now.

melanie81's avatar

@poisonedantidote It’s when someone can’t commit to plans they’ve made…usually they make a last-minute, split-second decision that they aren’t “in the mood” to hang anymore and come up with some excuse (or in some cases, don’t call at all).

poisonedantidote's avatar

so this would be in the event of making an excuse to get out of something? two possibilities.

1— i really had to do that thing i used as an excuse.

2— you did not take me seriously when i said ’‘i will NOT be there” the first time round.

lilikoi's avatar

Obviously it depends on who we’re talking about here.

I had a deuschbag boyfriend who would actually do this. No he wasn’t playing games intentionally. I gave him hell for it because I came to the same conclusion you did (and I like to think that any reasonable person would do the same), and eventually realized he was really innocent. He just could not help it. I think he may have eventually grew out of it, but I’m not sure.

lilikoi's avatar

@Kraigmo @melanie81 Some people just cannot help being a little flaky. It is a personality flaw trait, hardwired into their very being just like how some people are extroverts while others are introverts. Just try to imagine how hard it would be for you to switch from one to the other. You can’t. It’s impossible. They don’t mean to be selfish, although I can see how it could come off that way. And let’s be honest: Everyone is selfish.

zandrace's avatar

He sounds like he is playing games

Most likely he went out friday night because he knew you wouldn’t be ready till late.

Next day your response wasn’t quick enough for him so he made other plans.

melanie81's avatar

@zandrace Exactly what I was thinking.

ucme's avatar

The only circumstance that I can forsee me passing out on a girl would be after a particularly long & passionate night spent almost continuously screwing.Even then i’d feel like a cissy.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

@melanie81, unless you work at the gym or are physically disabled and need daily rehab, staying at the gym until 10:30 when you know someone wants to see you, and has made plans with you to do so, seems pretty rude to me. It would seem like you were blowing him off.

Captain_Fantasy's avatar

Maybe he has a chemical dependency and really did pass out.

Kraigmo's avatar

@lilikoi, I think our definitions might be different.

Nobody owes anyone their company or time. Canceling out at the last minute is even OK… but not without some sort of phone call or email or other notification.

I just don’t believe that the failure to inform someone of something is a personality trait; We all have a desire to be lazy at times. But when it affects others, we can overcome our own flaws.

CyanoticWasp's avatar

I think I passed out once in 1972, the first time I tried drinking. I wasn’t doing it right—I nearly killed myself, and to this day I don’t know who put me in my bed on my side, but that saved my life.

No, I don’t use “I passed out” as any kind of excuse. I think I’d avoid anyone who normally availed himself of that excuse.

evandad's avatar

If I’m going to lie, I’ll make it a better one than that.

jeffgoldblumsprivatefacilities's avatar

I often do this. I’m just not a very social animal at times, and I always seem to have a few friends pestering me to do something that I really don’t want to do. I might begrudgingly say yes at the time, and then change my mind later. Rather than saying “I really don’t want to do this”, I’ll might just tell them that I have an early day coming up, and I’m going to pass out. Probably not the best personality trait, but I’m just not a very sociable person at times. However, If I do use an excuse to get out of a situation, I’ll always tell people beforehand, and never afterwards. It would be a bit rude to not show up if they were expecting me.

Trillian's avatar

Sounds like BS to me. Even if he were to pass out, what would be his lame excuse while he was getting himself hammered. He has to know he’s not going to make whatever appointment he had with you. Write him off. Life is too short to waste on people who can’t be bothered with even common courtesy. Guaranteed he will leave you hanging again. Guaranteed.

Blackberry's avatar

It means he was too busy sniping noobs on Modern Warfare 2.

Fenris's avatar

@melanie81 : Guy just sounds impatient is all. As for me, I have unstable blood pressure, so I’m prone to passing out. So yes, I’m telling the truth, and it’s horrible on my social life.

melanie81's avatar

@Fenris yeah, come to think of it…he does always respond RIGHT AWAY to all my emails and texts, while I usually wait awhile. Not on purpose, I’m just usually busy with other stuff at the moment!

But I do agree with the others as well…I’m going to see how this pans out over the next week or so and give an update!

drClaw's avatar

I’ve never flaked on a girl I liked, I would always be too excited to just fall asleep. That said unless this dude is narcoleptic or on drugs then he probably doesn’t deserve your time, not that someone on drugs deserves your time.

melanie81's avatar

@drClaw That’s exactly what I was thinking last night! Maybe I’m too much of a romantic, but when I like a guy, I can hardly think about anything else!

lilikoi's avatar

@Kraigmo I agree under normal circumstances. However, I can imagine the odd occasion where you are unable to call. I agree it is not a good thing to do, you certainly will not get away with it often, but shit happens. I was saying that being flaky is a personality trait – not failing to inform. You can be flaky by making advanced plans and cancelling at the last minute unexpectedly. Failing to inform is obviously not a personality trait – it is just irresponsible and immature.

shilolo's avatar

Some people say “pass out” when what they really mean was “I was super tired and went to bed.” In fact, I say that all time, to everyone (man or woman). Missing you on Friday because you weren’t going to be ready till 10:30 goes along with that.
As for the following day, to turn your own statement around, you said “Maybe I’m too much of a romantic, but when I like a guy, I can hardly think about anything else!”, if you were so into him, maybe you could have rearranged your plans to meet him, or responded more quickly. Indeed, maybe he thought you should be more eager to meet him than that, and when you delayed in responding, he made other plans. It isn’t games, just bad timing.

lilikoi's avatar


Okay, my whole response just got lost in cyberspace and I got logged out automatically…To summarize:

I read your elaboration on the situation and you are reading way too far into it. 10:30 is way too late for people like me to start an evening. He didn’t know how long it would be before you responded. An hour went by and he decided to confirm other plans. I’d do the same thing. I’m not going to hang around waiting indefinitely for some guy to materialize, especially if he isn’t my boyfriend. If he didn’t want to see you again, I don’t see why he would call you in the first place. Make plans in advance if you can’t stand the last minute “craze” or just let it be and see if things work out. If they don’t, it’s not like he is the last penis on the planet.

melanie81's avatar

@shilolo You bring up some good points. I don’t know…I guess I’m starting to get vibes that he’s just not THAT into me…which is fine…I just don’t want to seem desperate to spend time with him if that’s the case.

@lilikoi HA – quite possibly the case! My brain gets so jumbled with these sorts of things and I think WAY too much.

stardust's avatar

@melanie81 He sounds like more effort than he’s worth to me. I’m sure he’s a nice guy, etc. given that you wanted to see him again, but it sounds like he’s playing games to me. It’s almost as if he doesn’t like the fact that you’re not giving him immediate attention so he gets a bit pre-emptive?(LA trip & such)
However, if I liked a guy and he chose to stay at the gym and kept me waiting until 10.30 I’d probably blow him off, so there’s that too

Pandora's avatar

@melanie81 Being he asked you the second time than flaked out, I say he’s playing with you. He probably has several girlfriends and the first one to say yes gets the date. If it was just guy pals, he would’ve dropped them and said he’s got a date with a girl. They would’ve been upset but guys don’t hold grudges if a guy drops them for a girl. They do it all the time to each other and expect their pals to understand. He probably dropped you for another girl. Probably one he is sure will put out. (Guys, nothing personal. I grew up with 3 brothers and they and their pals all played this game one time or another. ) I know there are guys who don’t play games but this sounds suspicious to me.

Nially_Bob's avatar

It’s plausible that your male friend does not undervalue spending time with people, you least of all, but instead undervalues the importance that others place on planning and organisation.

With this stated all of the other possibilities offered here seem equally realistic but for the time being might I suggestion that you make no assumptions and give this fellow the benefit of the doubt. To draw drastic conclusions based upon your currently limited information would be rather unwise.

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