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bitter_sweet_rose's avatar

How do I get myself to feel again?

Asked by bitter_sweet_rose (115points) April 4th, 2010

Ok well when I was little my family would call me a bitch and yell at me. My grandparents would hit me. It made me feel like I didn’t have any control so if they said or did something to me I would just sit down in a corner and cry. Now i’m 14 and they still do stuff like that but it’s like I pushed all my emotions down so nothing they or anyone else says effects me in the least. This past year my grandpa had a stroke, my family was all crying and all worried about him. While I was just sitting there. I couldn’t even fake cry. If someone says they care about me I don’t believe them. My boyfriend told me he cared about me, I told him I just didn’t believe him and he got so frustrated. What should I do?

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7 Answers

sillymichelleyoung's avatar

I completely understand where you are coming from. Growing up, my parents have been strict and I have been called everything from stupid to slut to anything else imaginable. I ended up having low self esteem and my grades started to suffer traumatically from it. I mean, this has effected all of my past relationships. I have never been able to open up to any of my exboyfriends, then they dump me and I feel even worse because then I realize it was my own fault. After a while, I began to realize that this wasn’t me. I needed to change. Thus, I forced myself to change and trust me it was hard. I began to join school activities to help me through the days and just simply began to keep myself busy for days and days. After joining, I gained alot of friends and people I am now able to talk to about anything.

Simply explain to your boyfriend how you are feeling, especially if it’s a good relationship. If he truly cares, he’ll be able to help you through everything. Girl, stand up and stay strong. There are so many things you are able to do, you’re just going to have to prove it to the world. Turn this entire situation into your motivation to do better.

kittybee's avatar

I realy think you should talk to a councelor. All that pain is blocking you up inside. You need to let it out, and it might take a few years, but you need to talk about it, and find out that what happened to you wasn’t your fault. Your just a child and you did nothing wrong, not enough to deserve that treatment anyway I’m sure. Talk to a councelor – you can’t bottle it up forever and if you try it could very well do damage to your life. It’s time to stand up for yourself.

RealEyesRealizeRealLies's avatar

I’m sorry for your upbringing woes. I really am.

May I suggest, at your age, to begin pursuing a path for your life and your life only. I know this sounds crazy, but a special place in a local park or forest will help you with that. You need a sanctuary. Walk through the woods and find a tree that calls to you. Sit under it and meditate. Just listen to the forest. Just listen in silence. Nature will speak to your heart and offer you direction. No lie, hugging a tree does wonders for the soul.

Go find yourself dear. You are alive. You do exist. You do matter greatly. You are a precious gem of the universe. No one has the right to hide that gem away. Shine.

aprilsimnel's avatar

I wish I’d had a place like this to ask the very same question when I was your age.
I am very sorry your family treats you this way. Mine did as well. It’s obvious to me that some part of you knows what’s happening is wrong – and that’s good. There is hope. There is always hope for change, because you are looking to change. You are seeing that it starts with you, not them.

Find an adult at school who can help you find counseling tomorrow! I mean it. You have a right to feel all your emotions. When they are blocked up like yours are, you end up not trusting people or feeling empathy, which isn’t good for you! It cuts you off from life. Tell your boyfriend what you have told us. It may be that he doesn’t understand what it’s like to have been treated the way you have.

But regardless of how your family may act toward you or what they may say to you, take it from those of us who have gone through this: What your family says to you about yourself is a lie. It’s a lie. Do not, under any circumstances, believe them when they say such things. No, you aren’t perfect, but they aren’t either, and their opinions of you are just that, opinions.

DocteurAville's avatar

I agree with aprilsimnel

You should find a adult to counsel with and include your family in it. This is not your fault but your parents lack of sensibility.

They too need urgent counsel.

skfinkel's avatar

When you go back to school, ask a teacher you like about finding a counselor to help you. Explain that you think you need help and you don’t want to wait until you are older.

The good news is that you are still young enough to get all better, and that you are smart enough to know that the way your family treated you wasn’t right. You will get better, but it is much, much easier if you have someone who can help you get in touch with your anger (which is there, but hiding deep inside you), and let it out, and free you to be your good self.

PattyAtHome's avatar

I agree with everyone in here, you should go see a counselor. You are probably doing somewhat ok getting by, but there are some issues that you’re just really not going to be able to get at on your own. Once you have someone to talk to that can help you discuss the issues you’ve had growing up, you will feel so much better.

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