General Question

TILA_ABs_NoMore's avatar

Should I take a chance with this guy or run like the wind!

Asked by TILA_ABs_NoMore (895points) April 6th, 2010

I met this great guy about six weeks ago. I went out with some friends of mine and one of them introduced me to their friend Joe :-). My friends werent really intending on him and I hitting it off, so a couple of my friends mentioned that they had slept with him. Joe and I ended up hitting it off and found that we have ALOT in common. Things are starting to get more serious between the two of us and we’ve talked about being exclusive. Last night we were talking and he mentioned that before me he hadnt had sex with anyone in over a year. He obviously didnt realize that my friends had told me before we had even met. I didnt tell him that I knew differently. Im doubting getting anymore serious with Joe because now Im doubting everything he has told me. Should I get the hell out!! Or is it possible that maybe he was ashamed? Any advice?!?!

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

40 Answers

slick44's avatar

Take him for a test drive.

Snarp's avatar

I didn’t even read the details, but any time you have to ask that question, the answer is run like the wind.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

Light your shoes on fire so you can run faster ;)

njnyjobs's avatar

Uhmmm, he’s so busted . . . drop him like a hot potato . . . Unless of course you don’t mind getting played.

Storms's avatar

Everybody lies. Keep a friendly report with him. If he ever spontaneously tells you the truth, think about stepping it up.

MissAusten's avatar

That’s quite a red flag. Why don’t you ask him about it and go from there? Do you have any reason to think your friends were lying? Get some more details and if things still don’t add up, run like the wind. There’s not much point in continuing the relationship if you already don’t trust him.

bob_'s avatar

Take him for a test. An STD test, that is. If he’s lying about it, it can’t be any good.

ZEPHYRA's avatar

Take off fast and let us smell the burning rubber and see the tyre marks on the road behind you!

ItalianPrincess1217's avatar

If red flags are going up this early in the game, you should run.

lilikoi's avatar

Confront him. If you don’t like what you hear – and be honest w/ yourself – drop him.

rebbel's avatar

Maybe he didn’t classify the encounters that he had with your girlfriend as sex?

tranquilsea's avatar

I don’t know that I would run. I mean lots and lots of people aren’t 100% truthful about their past sex lives. Maybe he told you that so you would have pity on him and sleep with him early on in the relationship. That’s and easy one: don’t. If he sticks around then maybe there is a shot for a relationship. If not, then you have your answer.

tranquilsea's avatar

Oh! And maybe he is trying to protect your girlfriends. What would he have seemed like had he blurbed about sleeping with them?

CyanoticWasp's avatar

Are you betting the relationship on whether your friends told you the truth and that they fairly represented whatever occurred?

For example “slept with” can mean, literally “slept” ... or it can mean that they had wild sex. I always question that the colloquial terms that people use really mean (to them) the same things that they mean to me.

The other thing to check about your friends’ stories is the timing: he said “I haven’t had sex with anyone in a year” and your friends said “he slept with us” ... but your account of your friends’ stories leaves out the time element.

Also, what @tranquilsea said. Very good point.

rebbel's avatar

@tranquilsea made a good point.

Edit: Ah, i see that @CyanoticWasp just said the same.

Axemusica's avatar

Hey, hey, hey here people. Look at @CyanoticWasp‘s response. How do you know the information from either party is factual? I would do some serious investigating if you feel you like Joe this much. There’s so many variables. Your friends could’ve slept with him and just forgot to inform you of the event it took place, since you failed to mention when they said they did. They also could be making it up to: Keep him on the back burner; Save you from heartbreak, because he’s a dickwad; Their heart was broken by Joe and they want to get back at him, by playing this silly game.

Women can be evil tricksters when they want to, so, in turn, I suggest you get hard facts first. If you really like Joe as much as you say you do, you will investigate.

davidbetterman's avatar

Your friends were probably lying about sleeping with him.

Or, they slept with him, but there was no sex.

You should dump your friends.

Edit…I just read @Axemusica….Word!

josie's avatar

I would tell him that you have heard otherwise, and at least let him give you his side of the story. Be packed and ready to move on however.

CMaz's avatar

Get a couple more dinners out of him then dump him.

robmandu's avatar

Curious, did your friends explain why they each didn’t hang on to Joe? And why it is that they didn’t expect you two to hit it off? It makes me think they know something about Joe that you might not… like that’s he’s lying ball of crazy talk.

On the other hand, I can’t quite understand why he’d lie about something like that. He didn’t need to bring it up at all (regardless of the no kiss-and-tell theory postulated earlier). It’s a socially acceptable norm that he’d’ve been intimate with a prior girlfriend… and some people might worry they’d be perceived as unattractive if word got out how long a dry spell they’d been in.

Unless maybe he’s trying to match you in some way? Did you tell him that you’ve been a while without some ugly bumping? Or a virgin even?

What else can you tell us to fill in the details?

davidbetterman's avatar

LOL…”My friends werent really intending on him and I hitting it off, so a couple of my friends mentioned that they had slept with him.”

Sounds like someone tasting curdled milk and telling you, “Here, try this and tell me if it has gone sour!”

CyanoticWasp's avatar

Good analogy, @davidbetterman. I like it.

Axemusica's avatar

*to note @davidbetterman & @CyanoticWasp

I reiterate, check your friends. That sentence @davidbetterman quoted is the perfect clue that someone might be a little upset that you two were hitting it off.

Judi's avatar

Confront him about it and come back and tell us what he says.

rahm_sahriv's avatar

Run. He lied to you once, especially about something rather important, he will do it again. Run, that is if you are looking for a serious relationship. If you want a roll in the hay and do not expect anything and he is drug/disease free, go for it.

TILA_ABs_NoMore's avatar

@everyone…Ok maybe I should get a little more detailed. I hadnt had any in a year. Not that I couldnt, Im just not a one night stand kind of girl. Any way after a year my morals kind of went out the window. I told my friends to hell with it Im gonna be BAD tonight!!! One of my friends called her friend Joe. That friend and another one had had SEX with him (not just slept in the same!!) It was just one of those drunken hanging out with friends kind of things were neither of them had any intention of taking it any further than that. They called him and figured it would be a one time thing with us, which was my intention as well. Anyway we hooked up and continued to see eachother after. It bothers me a little that he’s been with some of my friends, but I knew this going in so I have no right be be upset about it. He said he hadnt had sex in almost a year…but speaking with one of my friends she said it had been about 5 months ago. I just dont know if I should worry…or if possibly he was just trying not to cause a riff between my friends and I, since he didnt know that I know?!?

thriftymaid's avatar

If someone is untruthful with you from the beginning, that seems like something to be concerned about. What he lied about is not important. There was no reason for him to even speak about it. That’s the part that would bother me. I think that’s what is bothering you too. I think your intuition is telling you to be cautious; I’ll tell you that too.

Judi's avatar

Then again, where men and sex are concerned, 5 months can SEEM like 5 years.

tranquilsea's avatar

Maybe the 5 months feels like a year? Maybe he was consciously or unconsciously trying to make you feel better about your year long celibacy by commiserating.

Talk to him about it if you feel like this is going somewhere. We can opine ‘tll the cows come home and still be way off base.

Also, why is it bothering you?

Judi's avatar

@tranquilsea ; Jinx, you owe me a coke.

robmandu's avatar

As a guy, the last thing I expect he’d lie about is if he’d hooked up with your friends before you ever met. Especially if they’re the ones who introduced you to each other later. That’s just way too easy to verify.

So… my verdict is not only that dude is lying, but also that he really sucks at it.

Cruiser's avatar

You know you want to!! Do him and then fire him for lying!

TILA_ABs_NoMore's avatar

@Cruiser Already took care of that lol ;p

susanc's avatar

You can fuck him, but you can’t ask him a question in a language you both speak?

davidbetterman's avatar

Did you fuck him, or did you make love?

MorenoMelissa1's avatar

Sounds to me like you should leave him alone. You don’t need a person whom your going to have more doubts over than not. Don’t anchor yourself down.

JeffVader's avatar

People often lie about their sexual past at the begining of a relationship. Especially if that past involves ploughing half of your friends. I dont think this is a problem, however, I would recommend quizzing him about it & letting him know that you’re aware of his recent past.

TILA_ABs_NoMore's avatar

@JeffVader I think I will…I imagine he will probably be relieved to know that I know. I would be if I were him!

JeffVader's avatar

@TILA_ABs_NoMore Me too…. he’s probably worried you’ll find out & drop him like a hot spud.

Answer this question




to answer.

This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.

Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther