General Question

jrpowell's avatar

So how exactly does one break-up with a child?

Asked by jrpowell (40499points) March 9th, 2008

My girlfriend has a four year old kid. The child refers to me as dad. I can deal with breaking up with her but does anyone have any suggestions on what I should tell the kid.

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12 Answers

jodie10's avatar

just be totally honest… Tell him you love him lots and that if he needs you, you will be there but you and his mom aren’t getting along right now so you sometime apart from each other.

cake7's avatar

just tell them you need to go away for a while but that you really care for him or her. It will probably be hard if you have the same connection with them that they have for you. Don’t really know if I’m actually getting across what I mean. I’m very tired.

bulbatron9's avatar

That is a tough one! I don’t have any advice, but I wish you the best.

Response moderated
scamp's avatar

This is a tough situation. How long have you been with the Mom?

mcbealer's avatar

This is really more of an ethical question. I think a lot depends on what kind of a relationship you will now have with the child’s mom. Is it an amicable situation? Also, are you in the position where you’ll be running into them here and there? Bottom line, the mom will have the final say in any future role you have. Hopefully, she will take the child’s best interests in consideration and be consistent and kind in how she handles this. Also, I must add, in the future she will put a more realistic spin on the roles her boyfriends have in her child’s life.

gailcalled's avatar

Very difficult situation; the only thing that will help is that the little boy is only 4 and will have blurred memories. I have been on the other end; having young children who loved my companion of the time. We gently and gradually severed the relationship but former partner and I agreed and were pleasant to each other..I would concur w. mcbealer about having a small child who is not either your natural or adopted kid call you “dad.”

iSteve's avatar

I have a friend who has continued the relationship with a kid who calls him dad. Is that an option?

gailcalled's avatar

What if the mother remarries and the boy then has an official dad? It does get confusing, particularly as the boy matures and has better memory retention. Tough for all, I admit.

Zaku's avatar

You could consult the mother about how she’d like you to present it.

scamp's avatar

I agree with Zaku and gailcalled. Hopefully the break up will be a friendly one, and you can work with the Mother to explain things to the child.

MissPriss's avatar

ask the mom. Be honest and listen carefully to him you might need him more then he needs you. You don’t have to leave him. If you want to then just be honest.

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