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Rangie's avatar

If you go somewhere with a sister that is always complaining about not having enough money to get to the end of the month to eat, do you pay for her?

Asked by Rangie (3661points) April 6th, 2010

I have a sister that is always complaining about not having enough money to get to the end of the month with food. But, she has every new electronic device anyone would want. This is the same sister that came to my rescue when I was a single mom, working to make ends meet, but would run into short months. She would come to my house with box of food for me and my 2 children. I will never forget what she did for me. I love her, she has a big heart, but on the other hand, she feels I owe her. So, when we go anywhere, I pay for her, whatever it is. A movie, lunch, shopping, whatever.

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24 Answers

Captain_Fantasy's avatar

I’d buy a meal for my sister of course!
If she had trouble feeding herself, I’d get her involved in a food bank sort of program.
I’d advise her to hold off on electronics, a luxury item, until her most basic needs were met.

WestRiverrat's avatar

Take her a box of food now and then, like she did for you.

If she invites you, don’t pay for her. If you invite her, be prepared to pay for her too.

ZEPHYRA's avatar

I would pay for her, of course.

phillis's avatar

I think it would be best for all parties involved if I showed her (in a friendly way) how to manage her money better. A meal here and there, of course! But any sister of mine would be a viable adult by now. I don’t take kindly to heavy-handed guilt tactics.If you really love someone, you don’t use that crap on them.

Trillian's avatar

Has her situation changed? Why does she not have enough money? What kind of work does she do? You could buy her lunch or bring her food like she did for you, but I’d suggest selling off some items at a yard sale. Gratitude can wear a bit thin after a while.

Rangie's avatar

It is not so much that she plays the poor game. She always has done that. That is how she survives. But, If I needed somebody to morally support me, she would be m choice. There is no doubt the she would do anything to get to me in a time of need. I love her. She has not had an easy life with her disabilities, such as dyslexia and once she found that out, it became one of her crutches. She is a survivor, but perhaps in the way.

Rangie's avatar

@phillis She is 70 yrs. old. She has played her guilt games all her life and I think she really believes what she is saying anymore. She is not the smartest chicken in the coop. My other sisters have written her off, so she has nobody but me and her grown children. They are not in much better shape than she. None of them went to college or even thought about it. These are the same people that I have a problem with accessing the programs for the welfare folks. She never could hold down a job, she always got fired for slow work or mathematical errors.

bob_'s avatar

Damn straight. It’s called being grateful.

And don’t forget: never take sides against the family.

Rangie's avatar

@Trillian She was divorced when her children were teenagers. Her ex husband ran off to Nevada, and would not help her with child support. He took most of the things they owned that was worth anything, leaving her with nothing.
She is 70 and does not work. I agree she should have a yard sale. She owns things, that I don’t even have.

YARNLADY's avatar

Maybe you could ask her if you could “buy” something she has. My Mom used to do that with my sister, and she got most of it back when Mom passed on.

phillis's avatar

@Rangie There are times when we have to play the hand we’re dealt. Unfortunately for you, this may be one of those times. If she’s been fired all her life for her inability to comprehend and perform her duties, then it isn’t her fault for being fired. I’m surprised she kept trying! That’s a long, long time to experience failure over and over again.

Your job here on out is to accept that you are the only one who can provide, and provide as best you can. Of course, that doesn’t mean you have to like it. I really feel for you. It’s a sucky situation, no doubt. There isn’t anything fair about it, for you OR her.

Rangie's avatar

@phillis I do believe you are right. Sometimes it is hard to justify. But with mom and dad gone, and the other 2 sisters too selfish it consider helping, I guess I am it. It is for sure her children are in no position to help and I doubt they would if they could. I still don’t understand the “it’s all about me” thing.
After really thinking about it, I do think I owe her respect. She is my older sister and would do anything in her power for me and my family.

phillis's avatar

@Rangie I draw the line at respect just for the sake of respect! Age, position within a company or blood ties has nothing to do with it! But that’s just me. No, she still has to work on being a good person and all that entails. That doesn’t stop just because someone accepted their fate and helps you.

What I mean is to go into it with a happy heart as much as possible. You don’t have to like it, and you an even be mad about it sometimes! But accepting it as part of your life will go a long way in increasing your quality of life. Eventually, you’ll mellow with it a ot more than you’re able to right now. It does so much for you inside, Rangie, when you have to go to such lengths to help someone else.

Rangie's avatar

@phillis Thank you Phillis. I certainly will keep your thought in my mind. Yes there are times when I don’t like it. But, after thinking about it, I am able to do what ever I want to, because I believe I can. She does not have that kind of confidence, so I will be there for her when ever I can, and however I can.

phillis's avatar

What a lovely sentiment, Rangie. She’s lucky to have you as a sister :)

Rangie's avatar

@phillis Thank you Phillis. Support from strangers actually means more than from a close long time friend. Because they usually say what you want to hear, not what you need to hear.

phillis's avatar

@Rangie No problem. I am not one to give praise without a damn good reason, so enjoy it. You earned it :)

Rangie's avatar

@phillis Thank you phillis. you certainly are a person with compassion and understanding. Glad to know you.

davidbetterman's avatar

The worst part is my sister was doing this while living with the parents! :P

rahm_sahriv's avatar

I would probably pay a couple of times, but if I noticed that she was spending her money frivolously, then that would stop. Like someone mentioned, bring her a box of food as she did for you, but don’t pay for her restaurant meals, movies or other luxury items when it is obvious she has money, she is just not spending it wisely.

downtide's avatar

Absolutely I would, especially if she’d helped me out in the past in the way you’ve described. What goes around comes around, and it all works out even in the end.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

If my sister were really in dire straits then yes, I’d feed her. However, I’ve got a sister more like yours in that she’s always complaining about having no money, not being able to pay basic utilities and such yet she takes trips with her friends out of state and out of the country, has a newer car paid for and maintained by my father, new computer too.

Rangie's avatar

@Neizvestnaya Then you know exactly how difficult it is. When my children were little I needed some bedroom furniture for them. Little clothes dressers. She had 2 that I think she bought at White Front store.
She asked me if I needed them, I said sure, so she charged me $35 each. I was a little taken back, but I paid her. Later when my
children outgrew their bunk beds, I put an ad in the paper to sell them. She called me and said she could use them. So I said sure, and gave them to her. She promptly sold them. Oh well, it was her conscience, not mine. That is just how she is. It is not my job to change her or her morals. The thing is she is always nice to me and always there if I really needed her.

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