Social Question

honeybunches's avatar

Have I emotionally cheated before?

Asked by honeybunches (38points) April 8th, 2010

I met this guy in class a couple years ago. I thought he was pretty attractive. He added me on facebook and then our messages became really really long letters back to back each day. We then studied for tests together and then after the quarter was over we kept in touch and hung out at least once a month. When we hung out we could talk for hours.

At first I was attracted to him I’ll admit. But I felt like I could have had the decision to be in love with him or not. I began to not have romantic feelings for him, instead I felt a closeness like a best friend, I didn’t have the want to cheat on my boyfriend or leave him, I loved my boyfriend and I would have never traded him for my friend.

Of course, his girlfriend got jealous and he had to stop talking to me after being friends for a year. We only kept in touch once every month or two.

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21 Answers

davidbetterman's avatar

Yes…until you felt a closeness like a best friend,

Then it was no longer cheating emotionally.

Captain_Fantasy's avatar

I don’t buy the theory of emotional affairs.
All that is, is people who want each other who haven’t had an actual sexual affair yet.

If you wanted to bang the guy and not your boyfriend, it means you didn’t really love your boyfriend.

tranquilsea's avatar

I don’t think you get the choice to turn off who you become attracted to. What you do get a choice about is what you do with it.

Infatuation is a powerful emotion that ebbs away. Too many people equate it with love.

I’m not sure I buy into the whole emotional affairs thing either.

Cruiser's avatar

You weren’t before but you are now since you have gone public with your feelings it’s now official you are emotionally cheating.

honeybunches's avatar

Wow this is all confusing. Some people say there is emotional cheating and some people say there isn’t. I think that it’s okay to be attracted to other people but to develop feelings is another story. Looking back on it, I should’ve stopped when I felt things were developing but of course I felt like I had the ability to steer it into a different direction.

Silence04's avatar

What you should be asking yourself, after the strong connection you’ve had with this other person, do you believe you boyfriend is te right person for you?

On a side note, the other person probably got heat from his girlfriend because he probably had strong feelings for you.

tentaclepuppy's avatar

Would you have the same thoughts of “is this emotional cheating” if the friend happened to be a girl and not a guy? (I’m assuming you are straight).

Is it your guyfriend’s gender that is throwing you off?

Modern society for all of its forward-thinking values still seems to find cross-gender friendships iffy when one or both friends has a partner.

Cruiser's avatar

@honeybunches I want you to know my comment I was goofing with you! No one has a right to judge you…that is all up to you! Everyone fantasizes about other people and as long as your heart is where it belongs you are all good!

josie's avatar

Emotional cheating is a false notion, sort of like verbal violence. There is no such thing. Having emotional attachments occurs, often outside of conscious choice. It is not the emotion that matters, it is what you do with it. If I get angry, and have the urge to break somebody’s ribs, that is one thing. If I refuse to act on the urge, that is another. Don’t be confused by the new age notion that thoughts are actions. They are not. Action requires some sort of muscular activity, be it the tongue or the arm that strikes.

honeybunches's avatar

Honestly, I disagree and think emotional cheating exists. I felt like in the beginning what I did was wrong and I shouldn’t have done that.

tentaclepuppy's avatar

@honeybunches Well then you’ve answered your own question.

babaji's avatar

if you haven’t, i’d be surprised.

honeybunches's avatar

I wanted to know if other people agreed.

filmfann's avatar

If you might have felt an attraction and a closeness, yet didn’t act on it, you were not emotionally cheating.
If you were a guy, and porked some bitch, but felt nothing for her, you didn’t emotionally cheat either.
One of these did actually cheat tho. Guess which one.

Captain_Fantasy's avatar

We just keep manufacturing reasons to feel bad about ourselves don’t we?
You feel what you feel, but you dont have to act on it.

That’s the point.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

I agree with @davidbetterman (that’s twice this week!) – too bad his girlfriend isn’t secure.

davidbetterman's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir OMIGAWD…I fell out of my chair! Where can I send you the chiropractor bill?!

susanc's avatar

Before what?

JeffVader's avatar

There#s alot of debate over whether emotional cheating exists or not. What I’d ask you is, do you feel like you’ve cheated? If you do, then you probably did.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

@davidbetterman when I can send you that of my therapist

lonelydragon's avatar

No, you didn’t. We can’t choose to be attracted to someone, but we can choose our actions. Since the friendship remained platonic, you did not cheat.

@josie That’s hardly a new age notion. In fact, that philosophy can be found in the Bible (i.e. the oft cited verse about lusting for someone being the same as committing adultery).

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