General Question

trailsillustrated's avatar

Should my relative be furious with me? (details long sorry)

Asked by trailsillustrated (16789points) April 12th, 2010

My sister’s teenage daughter has a baby, she is a single mother. I got a call on a Wednesday that there was a 1st birthday party for the baby, on the Sunday, I was supposed to notify other family members, which I did. The daughter and baby live an hour away in an area I don’t know at all. I called an hour and half before the party, the plan was for me to pick up my sister and she would show me the way. She told me she had a ride with a friend and go ahead to the party. I told her my internet was down so I couldn’t mapquest it. She said to call when I got into the town, which I did. She said , ‘turn off at alderwood, then call me”. I saw a mall called alderwood and the turn off but was expecting alderwood st or drive- so I kept going, I called her from way down the highway. I turned around but saw no alderwood coming from that direction. I called back, and she was all pissy with me. I by this time had passed the town. I said to hell with it, hung up on her and drove all the way back home and put the gifts in the mail. We never see or hear from the daughter, ever. We have never gotten any response to previous gifts or money that we have given. Should my sister be furious with me and never want to see me again?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

10 Answers

sleepdoc's avatar

Well I think her response might be a bit over the top, but families bring out the best and worst in each other. My wife and her sis are still not really speaking because one doesn’t think that the other has rendered an acceptable apology and the other does.

trailsillustrated's avatar

grrr thats the way people are thanks sleepd

Judi's avatar

All families have a little dysfunction. Let it die down.

marinelife's avatar

I think your sister’s reaction is a little over the top. That said, I don’t think you should have said to hell with it and gone home. You probably owe your sister and the baby’s Mom an apology.

Trillian's avatar

Well, is she? Give her a week or so to cool off. She was probably just really stressed out at the time and will get over it. I’d apologize too, even though you felt justified. The who;e thing could have been avoided by getting proper directions sooner. One never knows when the net will go down, and shit happens. So there was a last minute snafu.
Not the end of the world, live and learn.

snowberry's avatar

Hindsight is always 20/20 they say. In your right mind, you might have said, “Sis, I’ve driven for ‘x’ minutes, made multiple calls, and I have no idea where I am or where you are. If I am going to get there before the end of the birthday party, I’m going to require a lot more help than I have been. Could someone please come get me so I can follow them to your house?”

As for apologizing, an apology never hurt anyone. Go ahead and do so, because you were upset, you did hang up on her, and you didn’t make it to the birthday party that you had promised to go to. You can apologize for that. (Never mind that her being a twit is what set you off.) So say “Sis, I’m sorry I lost my temper the day of the party. I’m sorry I hung up on you, and that I missed the party after promising to come. Would you please forgive me?”

Now it’s up to her. If she tries to grill you for your mistakes, or tries to discuss further, tell her that her you want to be in her life and in the baby’s life, etc. and that you already apologized. Would she please accept the apology”

If you allow her to talk more about this, the value of the apology will be lost, and your relationship will still be at zero.

Kismet's avatar

I think your sister may have over-reacted, but I can see why she probably felt the way she did, so you should be a little understanding to her side of the story.

Other than that, though, you shouldn’t worry too much about it.
If you aren’t really that close to the teen mom anyway, then why stress about it? You gave her a gift, and that is better than completely ignoring her.

I’m pretty sure the baby doesn’t care, either.
And it was its birthday.

JLeslie's avatar

Seems like you both overreacted a little. For me what would drive me crazy is not having the directions to begin with, that you both were relying on a cell phone call once you got to town. I would want to talk to my sister, say I am sorry for what happened, hope she would apologize also, and both agree that next time directions are involved you will get them in full ahead of time. It really was just a simple miscommunication in the end.

CyanoticWasp's avatar

Of course your sister should have either gone with you or waited for you to follow.

Of course she should have given better directions.

Of course you shouldn’t have hung up on her in the middle of the conversation.

Of course she shouldn’t be that upset with you, even if you did.

But the blame isn’t just yours and your sister’s!

Of course her daughter shouldn’t have gotten pregnant.

But most of all (the main culprit here, and which everyone can blame without hurting anyone’s feelings): The Internet shouldn’t have been down. Damn Internet—fah!

susanc's avatar

No need to apologize or expect an apology, though I completely, intensely agree with @snowberry, “an apology never hurt anyone.” How about this though? “Hi sis, that was awful for both of us, let’s start again, okay?” And be prepared to listen.

Answer this question




to answer.

This question is in the General Section. Responses must be helpful and on-topic.

Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther