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lillymarie's avatar

Is this a form of sexual assault?

Asked by lillymarie (17points) April 16th, 2010

i was hanging out with a few of my friends a week ago. well, one of my guy friends took a towel, stuck it down his pants, rubbed it on his you know and then stuck it on my face near my mouth. he held it down. i tried to push him off and was kicking but he still kept doing it. i haven’t told anyone because i feel horrible about myself and think people will think i am a whore or something. i think i did something wrong. i was just sitting down reading a text, nothing more. should i tell my parents? i feel really depressed and i think my parents will think i did something wrong. i dont have sex, never did any of that stuff. im afraid theyll think less of me

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25 Answers

Captain_Fantasy's avatar

If it’s upsetting you, you should talk about it with your parents.

zophu's avatar

Tell your parents, they wont think less of you. It might seem like a big deal, and what that guy did was very wrong. But the biggest problem is that something happened that made you feel uncomfortable. Your parents will understand, don’t worry about what they’ll think.

holden's avatar

Give me the fucker’s phone number and me and my personal army will give him hell.

faye's avatar

You are not wrong -the boy is wrong and disgusting. Tell him I said so.

gemiwing's avatar

They won’t think less of you. You didn’t ask him to do it and you tried to make him stop. Tell your parents.

Don’t hang out around him anymore, okay? Don’t even be around where he is.

my feelings align with @holden

jazmina88's avatar

In his mind, it’s a game….but you know holding the towel down and being pushed down with the towel felt really BAD. You do not deserve to be treated like this. You did nothing wrong.


It’s an assault, but made in the context of a joke, so it would be hard to convict him. At the very least, it is one hell of a stupid, juvenile act, and if it bothers you a lot, you should inform your parents. But don’t expect to get anything resolved from this. It was meant to be a ribald joke, and in court it wouldn’t hold much ground to convict the idiot. Best thing to do is to cut off all ties with this “friend”——that will show him you are serious, and perhaps the “boy” (and I use that term loudly) will not do it to anyone else in the future.

jrpowell's avatar

This is so beyond wrong. You did nothing bad. You are the victim here, he is a complete fucking asshole.

This is the same thing as “You were wearing a short skirt so you shouldn’t be surprised that you were raped.” Complete fucking nonsense. You did nothing wrong other then hanging out with a complete douchebag.


My point is that you did nothing wrong.

filmfann's avatar

The very least you should do is tell your parents. this was a terrible thing he did, and if you don’t call him on it, he will think he can get away with this, and he will go further.

If it was up to me, this kid would have welts from all the used tampons he was hit with.

Buttonstc's avatar

Yes, this is a form of sexual assault, morally if not legally.

The law may not be able to prosecute it as a sexual assault, but there is no question that it was a physical assault.

I see no reason why you shouldn’t tell your parents and the police. You were physically forced against your will.

Hopefully the authorities in your locale will take this on to prosecution so that it may spare some other future victim.

Someone needs to jerk a knot in this idiots tail. If the law won’t act, then your parents should contact his and threaten a civil lawsuit.

This goes way beyond “boys will be boys” type of nonsense. He needs to learn asap that this won’t be tolerated. Make as big a stink about it as possible with the authorities, his parents and even the school.

You did absolutely nothing wrong. At the very least, you and your parents have firm grounds for a civil lawsuit. And I hope the authorities nail him for a physical assault because that is exactly what it was.

By speaking out now and loud and clear, you may very well protect both yourself and other women from being victimized by date rape. This character has all the earmarks of someone who might do that in the future because he has no respect for others.

This will also put other guys on notice that you are not someone who will tolerate being disrespected and taken advantage of.

We teach people how to treat us and it’s sending out a bad signal to this guy and others like him if you don’t protest as forcefully as possible.


Trust me when I say that any lingering doubts about that will fade away as you stand up for your rights not to be physically overpowered and molested.

You need to do this for your own sake. And he needs to be taught how to respect others.

escapedone7's avatar

You do need to tell. What the boy did was just juvenile and disgusting. However he may have been testing you to see if you would tell on him for forcing something on you. If you let him get away with it, he might think he could get away with a little worse next time. It will escalate. Don’t be alone with him. Also, I just wouldn’t hang out with him at all. He didn’t respect your boundaries, your feelings, your right to say “no”. He’s not your friend. Don’t hang around him. That isn’t the kind of person you want to be alone with.

If you are truly feeling violated, talking about it will make you feel better too. Probably nothing much would happen. Perhaps your mother could call his mother and have a little mom to mom talk.

lillymarie's avatar

i don’t know his last name though. we have only met like 3 maybe 4 times.. i don’t know anything about him. the reason i started hanging around him was because he told me he was a christian, virgin, that sex for him was a “spiritual, emotional, and physical bonding” and my friends said he was “staight and a cool guy”

Buttonstc's avatar


I realize that you’re trying to be helpful but I have to strongly disagree with one little part of what you said.

“Most likely nothing will come of it”. Why not ?

This guy physically assaulted her and she and her family have every right to take legal action in some way. I would hope it could also include criminal assault charges, but that’s the decision of the local DA.

At the very least there will be a police report on record if he tries something like that again.

SHE should not have to suffer in silence and HE should be held accountable for his behavior choices.

Something should definitely come of it. I don’t think that she should be discouraged by predicting failure so I disagree strongly with that opinion.

The bigger a stink that is made about this to the police, school authorities, lawyers and his parents, the more likely something that should be done will be done.

The plain fact is that the squeaky wheel gets the oil. That’s how life sometimes works.

Suppose he had some type of STD like Herpes or Syphilis which can be spread by contact alone. Would things be so calmly and casually regarded then? Do you think her Mom should just have a polite little chat with his parents then ? Who pays the medical bills to treat the STD?

What if she was your daughter or sister ? Think about it.

This was not just a harmless little joke. It was unprovoked aggression pure and simple.

gorillapaws's avatar

@lillymarie This is an important lesson to learn: “most guys will lie and tell you what they think you want to hear in order to try to get you in the sack.”

gemiwing's avatar

@lillymarie Being a Christian and a virgin doesn’t make them a good person. Being a good person is so much bigger than that. I’m sorry you were treated so poorly.

Whether or not something happens to him legally- you need to tell your parents because this has upset you. You are their child, their miracle. Just talk to them and let them know what happened.

Buttonstc's avatar


Can you ask your friends to tell you his full name and telephone number if they have it ?

You don’t necessarily need to specifically tell them why. You could just say that you wanted to talk to him about something.

Is that a possibility?

lillymarie's avatar

@Buttonstc Yes I can, but I doubt any of them would know it. He only tells people his first name

Buttonstc's avatar

Well, you sound like a really smart girl and I think you can do a little detective work.

Try to get his Facebook page, school he attends, email addy, any type of clue at all that would enable adults to identify him. You’d be surprised how little clues like that can add up.

Give it a little thought and you can probably come up with something. Just don’t tip your hand to anybody as to why you really want to contact him. Just make it clear that you do.

And definitely have a talk with your parents. They will most likely be more understanding and helpful than you could imagine.

They may even have other ideas about finding out who he is. Go have a talk with them. You’ll feel better. This was not your fault.

thriftymaid's avatar

Talk to your parents about it.

thriftymaid's avatar

It wasn’t sexual abuse, but it was a battery for which you could press charges. Again, talk to your parents.

beautifulbobby193's avatar

If it’s a one off I would not bother reporting him. Young guys like that joke around the whole time. If something like this happened again or if what happened was just another part of an ongoing bullying campaign I would recommend reporting it or at least get a message to the guy that you were not happy about what he did.

MyNewtBoobs's avatar

Yes, it’s assault and sexual abuse, and when you kicked and tried to push him off that signaled your non-consent. Joke or no, it wasn’t ok and if you feel up to it, you should turn him in.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

Any guy that would willingly hold you down against your will when you are kicking and screaming and trying to get away has the potential to be a rapist. Avoid this person, and the people he hangs out with. You did nothing wrong. “Christian” is a label that people hide behind.

Neizvestnaya's avatar

No one who knows you will think there’s anything wrong with you but they sure will not like what this weirdo has done. What he did is beyond the crudity of belching out loud on purpose or spitting to the ground, what he did is disrespectful and aggressive predatory behavior. He counts on you to not know how to react, he gets a thrill from debasing you and using physical force that’s not a beating. He’s the type who probably started out as a persistent tickler, pincher or shover who covered his aggression by trying to pass it off as “humor”. There’s nothing funny or sporting about him, he’s a psychopath in the making. Tell you friends to be careful around him and not trust his “good side”, if you learn his full name then report him at your school. If he tries to make light of the situation by hitting you up in front of others to make it seem like things are cool between the two of you then DON’T give him satisfaction. Look him in the face, unsmiling and tell him to keep his distance then walk away. Other people need to hear from you and also see that you’re not going to accept his behavior or forget it was offensive, dominating and scary.

JeffVader's avatar

I’m really not sure if it constitutes sexual assault or not. It is certainly disgusting & not at all amusing….. it might well constitute assault, if not sexual assault.

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