Social Question

Ranimi23's avatar

How to overcome quickly a slightly disappointed at a toast event?

Asked by Ranimi23 (1911points) April 17th, 2010

I was invited to brief party which raised a toast to an event that organized by several people and was very successful. The problem is that this evening invited 30 people who were part of the event and worked on it a lot to succeed, but at the party the chief organizer said “Thank You” just and only to the most important people, which is 4 people total.

And what about the rest of us? Who worked so hard to make this work? I felt like not appreciated enough, as if I worked hard but no one think to say about it thanks. Especially that everything was done voluntarily. I try to forget it quickly and move on, do not let it affect me. After all, I’m not the mayor or other politician to suck up to him. If I was, certainly they did not forget me on that event.

I do not even know why I bothered to get to this event to distribute compliments to those who least did anything. Just want to share, hope to stop thinking about it any more :-/

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11 Answers

jerv's avatar

Welcome to America.

I once did half the work and all the planning for something that my Leading Petty Officer got a medal for while I didn’t even get a “Good Job!” or a thank you for saving his ass. The other guys also got shafted; all of the credit went to the guy with the most chevrons in his sleeve.

However, I recommend against following in my footsteps; I am now jaded and cynical after a couple of decades of that sort of thing.

Your_Majesty's avatar

Some people only appreciate those who at higher status or the same level with them. I think you deserve more than a thank. Maybe you should ‘pay’ his ‘kindness’ in return with disrespecting him and show that he’s no better than other people. I know this is unfair but who need his gratitude? You only deserve the real gratitude from the real rational people,not some kind of picky ‘jerk’. I thank you for your efforts!

Trillian's avatar

@Ranimi23 Unfortunately, as you can see from the above comment, everyone is not blessed with a quality called “Grace”.
When you do something for others, it’s best to go into it not expecting a “thank you”. Recognition is nice, but you cannot count on it. See what this man has to say about giving, and I hope that it helps you to see it in a different light.
Blessed be.

Kayak8's avatar

@Trillian My friend, you spoke the truth!

La_Perm's avatar

I’m completely agree with @Doctor_D . I’ve met someone like this previously in my life. That man is totally a phony. You don’t deserve a thank from someone like that.

tranquilsea's avatar

When I was working every once in a while I got a very public thank you for a group effort. I usually managed to wrestle the mic away from whomever it was who was doing the thanking and mention that it was a group effort.

If ever I wasn’t able to do so, I made sure to thank and thank and thank everyone who worked with me after the event.

Personally, there is no worse feeling then getting singular recognition for a group effort.

Depending on my relationship with the staff that was recognized, I would probably make lots of jokey statements like, “Wow, it must have been hard doing all that work by yourself!” But then, I’m a pretty sarcastic person.

marinelife's avatar

You could speak to the person who made the acknowledgment and tell him or her you were disappointed that the work of the rest of you was not mentioned.

You could write a letter to them and be completely honest in your feelings, and then rip it up after reading it.

You could just think to yourself that you did not do the work for acknowledgment, but for the good of the organization, and resolve to let the hurt go.

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

I would select and memorize standard toasts, that while not original, held such great respect that I could never be criticized for using them, such as Montroses toast. Originality is not expected at formal “dining in” at officers mess, only a well-recited toasr.

Jeruba's avatar

Psst, @stranger_in_a_strange_land, the OP is complaining that he was not thanked in public for his contribution.

Pandora's avatar

Just smile and remember that their are leaders and there are great leaders. A great leader watches and learns and remembers to thank those who help him get to where he is. He is the one that people will bend over backwards to help get higher. A regular leader will get to a certain level and stop. He won’t have the back up he needs in the future because he shafted too many on the way up.
I’ve seen many careers go stale just for that reason. But don’t let it effect how you work. Find another worthy cause where the leader isn’t a douche.

phillis's avatar

I am sorry that happened to you. I’m even sorier that it happens with such regularity. I would like to suggest to halk it up as a lesson learned about that particular person, instead of any confrontation. Just think… never have do another lick of volunteering for him again! And hey – don’t forget how it felt, okay? Make sure you tell all the folks who do things for you that their efforts are appreciated, all the way down to the person who stayed and swept up long after everyone else had gone home :)

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