General Question

le_inferno's avatar

What's the best way to go about defining a romantic relationship?

Asked by le_inferno (6189points) April 20th, 2010

I’ve been seeing a guy for a couple months now. It’s well established that neither of us are interested in pursuing other people, we spend a lot of time together, and we really like each other. In my eyes, we are already boyfriend/girlfriend in all respects. However, he has yet to clearly define the relationship as such. I’ve been patient because I don’t want to pressure him and feel that I shouldn’t place so much emphasis on the label. At the same time, though, I would feel more comfortable if our relationship was “officialized.” Should I keep waiting for him to bring it up when he’s ready, or should I speak up first?

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24 Answers

chels's avatar

If it’s something you’re thinking about and something that’s been on your mind.. Speak up. Let him know how you feel about it and your stance on the whole thing. He may be ready but he may just not know how to tell you. Guys get silly like that sometimes.

Taciturnu's avatar

I would have a candid conversation about making things exclusive. (Yes, even though they are.) His response will clearly tell you where you two stand. If he’s open, you can feel free to introduce him to people as your “boyfriend.”

john65pennington's avatar

Like the old saying goes, “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it”. if you are happy and he is happy, then let it go at that. sometimes, you don’t need to say anything with each other.

You just know it.

partyparty's avatar

@john65pennington Lovely answer… yes you do most certainly ‘just know it’

wonderingwhy's avatar

Normally I’d just let it go. @john65pennington said it well ”if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it”.

If it’s really getting to you, or becoming a distraction for you in the relationship, talk to him about it!

Zen_Again's avatar

It’s well established that neither of us are interested in pursuing other people, we spend a lot of time together, and we really like each other. In my eyes, we are already boyfriend/girlfriend in all respects. However, he has yet to clearly define the relationship as such.

Men don’t clearly define anything. It’s a relationship. Enjoy.

partyparty's avatar

Just be happy with the relationship as it is. Words don’t need to be spoken.

john65pennington's avatar

Zen Again. like your phrase that “men don’t clearly define anything. its a relationship.” good answer and only wish i had said it first. john

Sophief's avatar

What a cute question.

It is always awkward the first few months, not knowing if you are actually a couple. When I first started seeing my s/o, I was like, are we together. Luckily it was Christmas time and I asked him what kind of card I should be getting him. He looked at me like I was weird, and I said “am I your girlfriend?”. I was and he never thought that he should announce it, just thought it was obvious.

So to answer your question, yes I think your his girlfriend.

Discrumt's avatar

Always speak your mind. That alone commands respect. If you really want to know just ask. As far as what to call it. Just simply dating for the moment. And I agree it is rather cute and awkward the first few months. I didn’t even know that my girlfriend was that untill she said so… Don’t worry about titles and best of luck.

JeffVader's avatar

You know what, it’s been a couple of months already, & it’s not like ur after a declaration of undying love or a marriage proposal. I’d speak up & say that things need to be ‘officialized’ as you put it…. its not such a big commitment in reality.

Zen_Again's avatar

Thanks @john65pennington but I almost didn’t see your reply – you gotta use the @Zen_Again to get someone’s attention – especially if the thread gets long.


Your_Majesty's avatar

I hope he don’t take you just as his ‘best friend’ not ‘girlfriend’ and if you don’t think he’s a shy person he might not ready yet. Maybe you can wait a bit longer till the next Valentine day(if you don’t mind). If he ask you to be his valentine then you’ve already got what you want. I’m afraid that,some men,happen to just want a good friendship(best friend) with their female friends,and once that female friends declare that she love him and that man don’t take it the same way their well-established relationship won’t be as close as ever again(or they’re not friend anymore). I’m just tell you so you can be more careful with whatever decision you decided to do. At least you must investigate his character first before you make your ‘big move’(if you wish).

BoBo1946's avatar

shhhh…words or marriage, always ruin a good thing! Not always, just in my case!

My advise, go with the flow…it will take care of itself! Just be happy and have fun!

Mariah's avatar

He may not even realize that the label hasn’t been made official or that you think it should be. I’d say bring it up. But I’m not exactly skilled at these things.

At any rate, you’re better off for being aware of the need to discuss it. I would have done well to think like you the last time I found myself in this situation. I totally thought we were official before he thought we were, and I referred to him as my boyfriend and he was like “wait whuuuuuuut.” Oh lordy.

le_inferno's avatar

I see the sense in the responses that say it can be an unspoken relationship, guys don’t always voice these things, etc., but at the same time, try to consider that this is the era of “Facebook official” which is kind of a big deal (we have not put our relationship on facebook…as they say, nothing is official til it’s on facebook), plus a stress on relationship “anniversaries” (the day you officially became a couple). These are not that important of course, but there’s also always the awkward limbo of introduction. I noticed he refers to me by name to people who don’t even know me, so he avoids the pitfall of choosing between saying “my friend” or “my girlfriend.” When he’s not around, I refer to him as my boyfriend because that’s the most truthful term. I’d feel awkward and presumptuous doing it in front of him, though.

Cupcake's avatar

I think you should bring it up and have a low-key discussion about it. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to know if you are exclusive (and this is something that should be discussed, in my opinion, prior to engaging in sexual activity together).

beautifulbobby193's avatar

“The talk” is what every man fears after a few dates with a new woman. Losing his freedom is a big thing for a guy so make sure he likes you a lot before asking him to become exclusive. Just be weary that some men will unwillingly agree to exclusivity in a moment of madness if doing so would result in them having sex immediately afterwards (particularly if it’s going to be for the first time). My advice would be to make sure you are sleeping with a guy before you ask for exclusivity. That way you know he’s not just doing it for a short term treat.

chels's avatar

@le_inferno Why don’t you just say all of that to him?

Neizvestnaya's avatar

Sometimes you need a label to make things simple and to differentiate between being exclusive or being an exclusive booty call. My bf and I went through this for a few months where we had agreed to be exclusive to each other sexually but the rest of the relationship was still evolving.

YARNLADY's avatar

The best way to insure a successful relationship is to have completely open communication. If you are not comfortable sharing your expectations with each other, the changes for a long lasting relationship are slim.

Ponderer983's avatar

People assume things while they are dating, and others don’t. It may be that He is already in boyfriend/girlfriend mode, but doesn’t feel the need to explicitly state it. Others, like myself, don’t consider it a monogamous relationship until it is talked about clearly. Talk to him and see what happens

PacificToast's avatar

It’s on your mind, so you should probably bring it up so you’re both on the same page. If you’re pursuing each other, then I suppose it would be classified as a romantic relationship. Talk to him and see his point of view. But revealing your assumption may counterattack your efforts by pressuring him.

broncosgirl's avatar

Sometimes guys don’t fuss with the obvious. My boyfriend thought I was his girlfriend for three months before I thought we were! But this was brought up after we had in fact been together for almost a year heehee. We were perfectly happy, and it came down to a matter of we spent so much time together, didn’t want to see other people, etc., that he assumed I already knew I was his girlfriend. If it really bothers you, you should talk about it. I’m sure if you are as happy as you say you are it won’t be a conversation that will bother him.

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