Social Question

wundayatta's avatar

Is there a gender difference in understanding the compliments "good" and "kind"?

Asked by wundayatta (58635points) April 21st, 2010

When people call my son “cute,” he always says, “I’m not cute! I’m dangerous!” It seems to me there may be a gender divide in understanding certain descriptions or labels we apply to those we like.

Men, what compliments make you feel a woman is attracted to you as more than a friend? If a woman calls you “good” or “kind” or “gentle” or any number of such terms, how does it make you feel? Would you feel better if you were told you were “hot” or “strong” or “sexy” (or “dangerous”)?

Women, what compliments make you feel like a man is attracted to you as a complete person? If a man calls you “hot” or “sexy” or “bodacious,” how does it make you feel? Would you rather be told you are “beautiful,” or “kind,” or “empathetic?”

For all—what compliments would make you feel the best? Which compliments would make you feel like the person was strongly attracted to you as more than just a friend?

Observing members: 0 Composing members: 0

20 Answers

JeffVader's avatar

…..... I’m sorry…... women give compliments?! When did this happen?

Trillian's avatar

@wundayatta You’re asking a couple of different questions and you leave out something crucial. What compliment makes me feel that a man desires more than friendship with me and what compliment I would rather receive are two different things entirely. I was just discussing this a couple nights ago with my ex SO.
I am not interested in a man who wants to be with me based on the way I look, or really, based on any one facet of who I am. I’m a complex, multi-faceted individual with a questing mind. For me to value a compliment of the nature you’re stating, the man would have to know me very well and be able to convey to me that many of those facets intrigued him. That he was interested by what I had to say and wanted to spend more time conversing with me.
I don’t want anything less, as I view it as superficial and fleeting.
@JeffVader, I absolutely adore the dialogue on your profile page. I find it hilarious. So shut up. ;-P

j0ey's avatar

@JeffVader I KNOW!!!!!! I discovered this secret about a year ago…...If you tell a man he’s handsome, hot, strong etc, etc, he is like putty in your hand.

I don’t think women compliment men enough, period. I think a lot of the time it is thought that they don’t need to be told, BUT they do. Tell your man he has beautiful eyes, he’ll love it :).

Personally I like all compliments. But I prefer compliments that are based on my intellect or talents, not so much on my bits. But I guess compliments concerning appearance are greater indicators of a “more than friends” type of admiration.

JeffVader's avatar

@Trillian Hahaha…. certainly ma’am :)
@j0ey You couldn’t be more right…. for such a young thing you’re quite astute aren’t ya ;)

JeanPaulSartre's avatar

It’s not inherent or anything… I call my sons cute all the time.

MacBean's avatar

If I heard a man call anyone “bodacious,” I would ask him where his time machine was, and if I could go back to 1987 with him when he went.

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

Someone recently told me that they like the way I thnk.That was a nice thing to hear.
Another one I have heard is that my artwork has touched them in a positive way.that one really gets me

JeffVader's avatar

@lucillelucillelucille They are good ones…... the cunning fellow!

lucillelucillelucille's avatar

@JeffVader -You are very smart,Jeff ;)))

CMaz's avatar

“Is there a gender difference?”

No. I would say difference in insecurity.

sweetteaindahouse's avatar

It doesn’t matter to me as long as it is coming from a girl.

BoBo1946's avatar

ummm…know that are interested when they say, “can i play with your gun!”

CMaz's avatar

@BoBo1946 – You are a sick man. lol

BoBo1946's avatar

@ChazMaz lmao….hey, we must have a little humor these days!

wundayatta's avatar

My daughter tells me that “sweet” is a good thing. A hot guy may be attractive because he’s hot, but if he isn’t sweet or kind, he will not do. It seems to be a term of endearment that means something different to men and women.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Yes men and women are taught when they’re girls and boys that different terms apply to them and children cling to policing themselves and others and know which are ‘girl terms’ and which are ‘boy terms’.

Cruiser's avatar

When a woman tells me I am strong and smart gets my attention every time and “come here sexy” will tip the scales for sure.

evandad's avatar

I’m good with all of the above.

jeanmay's avatar

Being called ‘kind’, ‘cute’ or ‘sweet’ by a potential partner, regardless of their sex, generally indicate a lack of knowledge or interest on the part of the person giving the compliment. I would expect and welcome compliments of those kind from a friend, again, regardless of their sex.

As a child, being called ‘cute’ is akin to being deemed childlike in nature and demeanour. What child wants to be reminded of their under-developed status, over which they have no control? A child wants to be included; one of the gang, big enough to sit at the grown-up table, and as such ‘cute’ is a put down.

Answer this question




to answer.
Your answer will be saved while you login or join.

Have a question? Ask Fluther!

What do you know more about?
Knowledge Networking @ Fluther