Social Question

wundayatta's avatar

What is so compelling about psychological drama (for those who can not stay away from it)?

Asked by wundayatta (58591points) April 25th, 2010

I’ll admit it. I’m a drama queen. I seem to keep on seeking out drama in my life. Like I need trouble. I’ll create a problem if there doesn’t seem to be one handy. I’ll get insecure and decide that someone I love really doesn’t care about me, and then I’ll freak out and do crazy things like pester them endlessly about why they are treating me that way.

It’s not like I like being this way. I’m trying to build up my self esteem and my ability to be happy just by myself. It’s a work in progress. But this isn’t about me.

Other people are like this, too. Everything is a problem. Every emotion gets jacked up out of proportion. They seek trouble, it seems, and find it easily.

Why? Is it a need to feel important? Like your life matters? Is it a way to occupy your mind? Is it a way of hurting yourself? Why would anyone do something like this?

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34 Answers

thriftymaid's avatar

Have you thought about counseling? Seems to me you might benefit from it. You don’t appear to have a grasp on things, particularly relationships. Life needn’t be one drama after another.

netgrrl's avatar

Ah yes, I spent years addicted to chaos. For me, a lot of it was a result of coming from an abusive home.

Every day, there was the waiting for whatever the bad thing was going to happen.

Knowing it would, but when?

The quietest time was after. That was when I could exhale. For awhile, I was safe.

So even after I wasn’t in that situation anymore, I was always waiting for something bad to happen. Waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I just knew my friend or boss or husband (who was many things, but never abusive) was going to hurt me in some way. But the waiting!

So I’d do something to create the chaos, start a fight, etc.

Once it was done, I could relax for awhile. I’d created the chaos and now it was over. I’d found some way to be reassured I was loved.

For me, being aware of the reasons why I did these things was the key. I could begin to work on not doing it.

gailcalled's avatar

@wundayatta:Time for loosening up on the introspection, perhaps. Let’s play chess or discuss the Oxford comma, please.

Draconess25's avatar

Anything to get an adrenaline rush.

CaptainHarley's avatar

I can’t STAND drama! ICK! I assiduously avoid anyone involved in drama. Hell, I don’t even watch drama on TV! If I can’t find anything better to do with my time than create turmiol in relationships, I’ll crawl in a hole and pull it in after me!

Draconess25's avatar

Verbal drama merely annoys me. When it gets physical, I’m all for it! I don’t like fighting with my friends & family (unless we’re sparring), but if I already dislike someone…...

zophu's avatar

Too much drama usually means too much repression. Sometimes it would be better for people just to scream at each other rather than trying to form words.

physical fights can be more effective, like @Draconess25 says. But if most people used fighting as their primary release, too many injuries would come about. I don’t know. Maybe if healthy, non-lethal fighting was held more sacred in a culture. It’s nothing the average American can use. Yeah, it’s so risky it just seems silly.

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

I don’t seek out drama, but it seems to home in on me. I’m too much of a “nice guy” to deal with the little irritations. They have to build up to the point where I either explode or do a disappearing act. It’s not a self-esteem thing with me; I just lack social skills and haven’t the aptitude to learn them. In a formalized environment, where I can deal with things by giving an order, I have no trouble. When dealing with people I care about it’s a totally different story.

I’ve rambled off-topic long enough now. Shall I kiss your ring or merely genuflect, O mighty Blackbeard?

Draconess25's avatar

@zophu Yes, but think about it this way: Annoying people are usually dumber. Dumber people are easier to defeat. Thus, the annoying people would be eliminated!

kenmc's avatar

It makes one feel alive, I suppose.

zophu's avatar

Dumb people also do dumb things in a fight, like pull a knife.

Draconess25's avatar

@zophu True. I mean, you can still maul tham, but it would add a nice level of difficulty.

wundayatta's avatar

@gailcalled Gail, oh Gail! Don’t you know me well enough by now? I will never stop thinking about things, especially trying to figure out what makes me tick. It’s what I do. I could no more stop thinking than a heart could stop beating. I am the only person inside of whose head I can see. There is no other data for me to analyze except reports of things—and those I believe to be very unreliable (not that I’m much more reliable about myself).

@thriftymaid I am already therapized out the wazoo. It’s fine as far as it goes. But once again, this is not about me. I was just using me as an example. I’m trying to understand the general principles here.

CaptainHarley's avatar

@boots I don’t need drama to feel alive! : )

@zophu Just one more reason why I have a concealed carry permit. : ))

stranger_in_a_strange_land's avatar

@CaptainHarley Exactly. My G30 is a nice “equalizer”.

BoBo1946's avatar

have learned that life is not about me….when you realize that, life becomes so much better!

YARNLADY's avatar

Come on, @wundayatta, tell us the truth – you really are writing a book by using all our best comments and answers to your questions, aren’t you? It should be a best seller to the thousands of people who need to understand the issues you bring up.

Keep a journal. Focus on what is positive about yourself, others and life in general, instead of dwelling on the negative. In your journal, write down as many positive things as you can think of. Keep it handy to read over, and continue adding to it every day.

Appreciate what is working in your life right now. No matter what the situation is, take a deep breath and close your eyes before getting upset, and think about the blessings and good things that you have in your life.

wundayatta's avatar

@YARNLADY If only I were writing a book. But I’m bumbling around trying to figure shit out in my own inept way. I do look at the positive. I’m working hard on that because it is so easy to slip into that pit in my stomach. But that demon named desire (no streetcar here) still lurks everywhere and will jump in whenever I let down my guard the least little bit.

anartist's avatar

It’s a sticking point. You repeat this again and again until you learn what you are meant to learn. And some never do.

Coloma's avatar


How do you stop being addicted to drama?


The same way you put down a heavy bag you are carrying.

You just drop it, now!

To be honest, and I am not intending to be unkind, but I’m amazed at the amount of emotionally charged questions you ask.

I have seen at least a half dozen or more in one days time, in the relatively short time I have been here.

It’s just not healthy…this place may be a source of good information but it’s not a crisis line or 24 hour help center.

You are not just addicted to thinking and drama you are addicted to asking for advice too. Advice that most likely you do not take to heart.

Has it ever crossed your mind that you are placing a burden on complete strangers to save you from yourself?

That’s really not very considerate and…quite frankly, if you need this much advice I hope you are in therapy.

I see your incessant questions as attention seeking behavior.

wundayatta's avatar

@Coloma I don’t think I’m asking for advice. I’m setting up situations which may or may not have to do with my real life, in order to give examples of the issues I’d like to hear people talking about. I do it to help folks get into interesting issues. I hope you never feel like I am asking you for advice again. Trust me. I’m not. However if you have experience related to the issue in the question—I’d love to hear that.

I’m not asking anyone to do anything they don’t want to do. I’m not asking to be saved. If there’s any saving to do, I shall do it myself. I just happen to be entertained by thinking about stuff.

Finally, I would like to point out that you are free to skip any question I write. No one is putting your arm behind your back to force you to read it. Or answer it. In addition, no one is requiring you to give me any attention. There are one or two people here who like my questions and answers. If you don’t enjoy them, then please skip over them.

Coloma's avatar


Of course, and I do skip these questions 99% of the time.
I am sorry you have not found a way out of your suffering, I hope you do, you are wasting the precious moments of you’re life in a mind fuck and it saddens me.

wundayatta's avatar

@Coloma Your choices work for you. I hope you aren’t being presumptuous enough to think they also work for me.

YARNLADY's avatar

Some of us are born exhibitionists, and we thrive with it.

kess's avatar

You ask many deep probing, introspective questions and that not bad,
But Now it can get better, you must realize that the answers are right where the guestions came from.

To tap into that realm, you must now focus on the good of others, how can you help them.

Now your eyes are on you only when you are looking to help, to build, not to merely to take, enjoy.

With this mindset you are now part of the system of Life as opposed to the system of death.

And life will give you all it’s treasures as you continue to live for it.

Life will never forsake it’s own.

Coloma's avatar


No presumptions, it’s just obvious you have some pretty big issues.

kenmc's avatar

@CaptainHarley Neither do I, but it gets some people off real well.

CaptainHarley's avatar


So I’ve gathered.

SeventhSense's avatar

I hate drama but yet I expect people to accept all my unique idiosyncrasies so I’m probably more than a bit high maintenance. Except I don’t see it as that. I just imagine that life would be so much easier if people would just see things from my perspective and stop being difficult. LOL!
I’m a perfectionist and Type A to the core and I get so annoyed when I can’t work things out. Anything emotional is a conundrum to me. I think I became numb years ago. Now I just scratch my head and say fuck it.

gailcalled's avatar

@SeventhSense: He’s better at keeping secrets than I am.

BoBo1946's avatar

removed by Bo!

Silhouette's avatar

Drama junkies need the drama to feel alive. It feeds their egos, they have their whole sense of self invested in it. Even their, usually unsuccessful search for an answer, a solution, or for healing becomes part of it. What they fear and resist most is the end of their drama.

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