Social Question

brinkofit's avatar

What are your opinions on this love triangle?

Asked by brinkofit (175points) April 25th, 2010

My friend brought a girl to a party as a friend. I met her and we hit it off really well. We have been talking for the past 4 months and hanging out. We also just started sleeping with each other. She does not consider me a boyfriend yet, but only a couple romantic dates will change that.

However, all of a sudden the friend who brought the girl to the party suddenly told her he has feelings for her. He is really close to her, but she never saw him in that way. She didn’t want to hurt him so when he asked her to hang out she said ok (she asked me first and I said it’s alright). She said she loves hanging out with him, but she is unsure if she likes him. She said she loves hanging out with me too and we hug and kiss. But the more she hangs out with the other guy, the more confused she gets.

Both of us know the whole situation, except he doesn’t know we kiss/hug/slept. She seriously doesn’t want to hurt any of us and doesn’t want to choose. She is the kind of girl who goes with the flow and looks for signs for relationships.

The guy and I both care for her a lot, but I fear he has more going for him. He outclasses me in a lot of categories like job, style, more popular etc. I have him on height, sense of humor (although he is funny) and intimacy (hopefully a few more hehe).

Would you guys initiate a contest of who can sweep her off her feet? Let the other guy try to woo her? Give her space to think? I would like to hear some opinions. Feel free to ask me questions, this is a discussion

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17 Answers

thriftymaid's avatar

Maybe she’s playing both of you.

DarkScribe's avatar

I once was in that situation, ended up winning a contest for her with my best friend. I married her – greatest mistake of my life. Luckily my next wife, quite a few years later has more than made up for that – she is fantastic.

(My first wife ended up having an affair with my best friend, the one competing for her. As well as with her boss and several other people.)

gailcalled's avatar

Love and contests are totally unrelated, as are love and height.

You just started sleeping with each other but she does not consider you a boyfriend? Don’t you consider that the cart before the horse?

I would back way way off. She sounds immature.

MarcoNJ's avatar

Hmmmm. I see nothing wrong with a little friendly competition, especially if you have ambitions for developing a serious relationship with her. But it sounds like she can’t make up her mind. I’m not sure so sure I would pursue that type of woman so aggressively. Eh, just have your fun with her. Why not? She is.

ucme's avatar

As the song says bemused triangle, don’t go near.Words to that effect anyway.

brinkofit's avatar

I’m the only guy she slept with that was not her boyfriend. She was only with 2 before me. I was with 1. we are both 23.

@MarcoNJ – she is more than just fun to me haha

MarcoNJ's avatar

@brinkofit Well then, let the race begin.

marinelife's avatar

I don’t think that a girl who is doing what she is doing is such a great prize. Why were you hugging and kissing and sleeping together if you are not romantically involved?

If you are romantically involved why is she now going out with another guy (who you have no way of knowing if she is also hugging and kissing and sleeping with).

If it was me, I would give her a chance by saying, “Hey wait a mintue, here, we were starting to have a relationship. Do you want to continue to see if we have something or do you want to go out with (the other guy) too? Because if you do, I am out of here.”

chyna's avatar

^^ Exactly what @marinelife said. If it continues along the lines it is now, you will get your heart broke.

escapedone7's avatar

You are wasting your time. She’s not that into you or him now, and that probably won’t change. She lacks emotional integrity. She isn’t telling him how she really feels about him and is going out to be nice? What if she is doing the same to you? By sleeping with you but insisting you are not a boyfriend, it is clear she doesn’t connect her emotions with her actions. She will act a certain way but her inner feelings she will withhold. She seems like she needs therapy. Find a girl who knows what she wants and doesn’t play around.

Seek's avatar

Okay. You’ve already given her permission to see other people, and you know she doesn’t consider you a boyfriend.

Congratulations, you’ve put yourself in the position of “friend with benefits”, whether that’s what you were intending to do or not.

You don’t need a contest, you need to ask this chick exactly where she stands. Tell her that you’re not interested in games, you like her and you want to be exclusive. If she isn’t cool with that, then you know she is not looking for a serious relationship, and she can get her rocks off somewhere else.

hug_of_war's avatar

If you’ve been hanging out for 4 months and she starts dating another guy, regardless of her claims, she’s just not that into you. Sounds like she’s claiming she doesn’t want to hurt him but she gets all the benefits – two guys who are all over her.

Simone_De_Beauvoir's avatar

Be honest with her – say that it is important for you to be with her – let this conversation, the look in your eyes, the words from your heart be the ‘sign’ she needs.

chyna's avatar

@Simone_De_Beauvoir I’m going to let you write my next love note! Very sweet answer.

Judi's avatar

Sounds like trouble to me. I would walk away and tell her that if you are available when she is available you might be able to hook up in the future. Right now, she obviously is not emotionally available. It looks like trouble at every turn.

wundayatta's avatar

It sounds to me like a relationship out of a science fiction novel or one of those stories from the hippy era when everyone was sleeping with everyone else and no one admitted to being disturbed by it.

I suspect this kind of thing is driven by people feeling they may not deserve the girl. Or not feeling any power, so they have to take what the girl gives out if they are to get anything. Or maybe there are some feelings between the two boys, but they can’t really admit it, so by sharing the girls they can maybe get closer to each other.

I don’t know how old these people are, but they sound like they are in their teens. Maybe early twenties. This is an age of experimentation.

In any case, I think you should do what is hardest: talk about it. With all of you. Have an honest conversations and find out what everyone wants. If you both want the girl, and she can’t decide, maybe the two of you can make an agreement. Most likely we are not talking about a relationship that will last forever, so if you aren’t the one in bed with her, you may still be friends, and you may soon get your chance, anyway.

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