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ChocolateReigns's avatar

What to do in the event of an "explosion" at my brother's wedding this July?

Asked by ChocolateReigns (5619points) April 26th, 2010

OK so….My brother and his best friend are having a double wedding this July. They’ve known each other since they were about 8, and they’ve known the brides (sisters) for 6+ years. My brother and his fiancĂ© have been engaged for 4 years, the other couple for about 3 months. My mom and the bride’s mom have known each other ever since my brother met his fiancĂ©. Now that the wedding is finally here, though, they’ve had quite a few heated “discussions”, and there have probably been some that I don’t know about. And my mom kind of…“explodes” every so often (twice a month about), and especially on stressful days, like Easter, Thanksgiving, and Christmas (I can’t remember a holiday that she didn’t). I would be very surprised if she didn’t at the wedding. So what should I do? I usually walk away, but that might not work…
I’m having nightmares that she ruins the wedding and various outcomes happen.

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21 Answers

john65pennington's avatar

Could you go a little more in-depth about your moms explosions? you left us hanging without a definition for her actions. john

Response moderated
marinelife's avatar

Stay near your Mom and monitor what is happening. Have a plan with your dad (or another relative) to get her out of the room quickly if she explodes.

Suggest to her that since the wedding is stressful, she may want to ask her doctor for a Xanax.

janbb's avatar

I don’t know about your Mom’s explosions but in my experience, most such ventings happen before the wedding and everyone is pretty happy and lovey-dovey on the day itself (except in movies.) It should go fine. If you are really still fearful, maybe find a quiet time to talk to your Mom about your fears and ask her if there is anything you can do to help her get through it. One thing to remember is that you are not responsible for anyone else’s behavior and particularly not responsible for the success of the wedding.

Trillian's avatar

You have no reason to try to take responsibility for any of the other adults in this instance. Your brother is grown and knows how your mom is, I imagine that so does his fiancee and her sister as well as the other groom. It’s his wedding, and his issue if he cares to make it so.
Your mother is also an adult and I would hope has some idea about how she presents herself and how she appears to others. Even if she makes a scene at the wedding it really doesn’t have to be life impacting for you. You have the choice of paying it as much mind as a fight in the grocery store two aisles over. Just ignore it.
Life is too short to make another person’s problem into your problem.

janbb's avatar

The three wise witches have spoken!

Response moderated
ChocolateReigns's avatar

@john65pennington….umm well she has these touchy subjects, like MDs, and the two bride’s family being Catholics. If somebody says the wrong thing, she’ll start this heated discussion. There will just be so many times she could get mad at somebody….

LuckyGuy's avatar

Try to reduce the amount of alcohol available. If you are planning an open bar, change it to cash only. Do it now.
People behave better when sober.
Requiring you to babysit your mother is an unreasonable request. Offer to do it yourself.

shilolo's avatar

[mod says] Per the Fluther guidelines, joking or unhelpful quips before any legitimate quips are provided will be removed.

Cruiser's avatar

I would just ask your mom to be on her best behavior as it is your brothers and her sons big day! Remind her there is a time and place for opinions and a wedding is where she needs to keep her’s to herself!

ChocolateReigns's avatar

@worriedguy There’s absolutely no alcohol going to be available.

njnyjobs's avatar

Depending on how she reacts with alcohol, maybe a little overindulgence would keep her sedated… otherwise, stay out of range of the blast zone so you don’t get hit with shrapnels.

CMaz's avatar

Have a drink. Don’t worry about it.

tinyfaery's avatar

There is really not much you can do. Just remember, you do not have to be embarrassed by other people’s behavior.

YARNLADY's avatar

@tinyfaery Sorry, I couldn’t help but notice the irony

dpworkin's avatar

Your mother’s behavior is not your responsibility, and it reflects only upon her, not upon you or anyone else in your family. Stop being liable.

PandoraBoxx's avatar

As a rule, unless the groom’s family is being asked to share the expenses, the bride or her family pretty much get final say on all decisions. Your mother perhaps needs to be reminded of this. If she has the need to control the event, then perhaps she should host a brunch the following day for out of town guests, foot the bill and do it her own way.

Or, she could host a party for the couple when the return from their honeymoon and invite people that she feels were left off the guest list. A friend of my daughter’s married the son of a long-time friend from work. We were not invited to the wedding because the bride’s mother kept the list at 50 guests, total. The groom’s mother had a cocktail party for the couple the weekend they returned from their honeymoon and invited the 75 people that were cut from the wedding guest list by the bride’s mother.

JeffVader's avatar

Have you considered telling your mum to grow up? Tantrums are not acceptable over the age of 3.

ChocolateReigns's avatar

@JeffVader I actually did try the other day. I couldn’t really say what I felt like saying because I felt like I was the one doing something wrong.

JeffVader's avatar

@ChocolateReigns Just remember…. friends are the worlds way of appologising for your family.

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