What do you actually do when you work the steps of a 12-step program?

There are no tests so don’t let that worry you overmuch.

The twelve steps are part of various programs altho they got their start in AA groups.

They are also used in Al Anon for family and SO of alcoholics or addicts which is where I encountered them.

Each person goes through them at whatever pace they find comfortable for themselves, normally under the guidance of a sponsor ( who acts as a mentor and someone with whom you can share with confidentiality assumed.)

There isn’t a set pace or any criteria to pass. People doing this are self motivated so there isn’t a hierarchy imposing a structure or anything. People are doing this for the sake of their own health. There isn’t any arm twisting or coercion of any type.

My basic take away from both my experience and others is that the process of going through these steps promotes the type of radical self honesty which is an integral part of personal growth.

Because there is so much denial involved in the entire addiction process and lifestyle, this type of self honesty and accountability is crucial to preventing relapse.

Or, in the case of family members, insurance against falling back into co dependent patterns and enabling behaviors.

It’s difficult to have long lasting behavior change without personal insight. That’s what the steps are designed for.

In choosing a sponsor, the best advice is to find someone who has logged in enough years in the program to accrue stability in their own life and respect from others. I tried to find those with the longest track record in the program. That’s just my preference.

This will be the primary mentor giving you feedback so it’s crucial you find someone who knows what they’re talking about from experience as well as just someone with whom you have a rapport and feel compatible with.

As a matter of fact, I would place compatibility second to respect and experience.

Anyhow, that’s just my take on it. Others may have different experiences or viewpoints.

It’s also very helpful, apart from the program, to get input from a therapist to get an objective viewpoint and feedback as well. Some groups can tend to be rather insular.

If you’d like to know more detail about how the steps were developed, there are biographies of Bill W. the founder of AA in which there is a lot more info on the how and why of the development of the steps.

It may even be available for free online.

Kudos to @Buttonstc for the above. Right on.

Or if you want to be rebellious/aren’t ready to submit to a sponsor’s kindness, you can just take each step – they’re readily available, printed – and do a lot of writing and thinking about them. Use fluther to explore and download. Can work well for someone who writes a lot anyway : )

test.

Sorry.. This was a test to see if I could find edited questions.. Sorry.

For people who were wondering why this question was edited, it really was to make it a little clearer. I just added “of a 12-step program” at the end in order to make it not so insider (you have to know the language for it to make sense).

Thanks @Buttonstc. Could anyone say a little more—maybe even sample dialog—regarding the steps or a particular step? I’m trying to get a sense of how the conversations go. How a sponsor guides a person through it.

And since it’s about being honest with yourself—is there any way I could be more honest with myself? I’m certainly confused about some things about myself, but I really think I’m about as honest as anyone can be. Maybe a sponsor could see something I can’t see, but I’ve got several therapists and they don’t see fit to point out very much that I don’t seem to be seeing. They add a bit from their experience, which is useful (and useful, I think, in general). I think it would be helpful to hear that from a sponsor, and I suppose the steps might be a useful series of topics for conversation.

The group I’m in is a baby group (for newbies) and they go through each topic (I think from the steps, although I’m not sure) in a twelve week cycle (what is it with the twelves, anyway?) You get to hear oldsters talking about the topics and then newbies get to testify or ask questions.

Wow, what a great question! I never expected to see this one here. I never expected to see this question outside a 12-step meeting.

I am a member of a 12-step program, and this coming Sunday, May 2, 2010, will mark my eleventh anniversary without a drink. It’s a miracle I owe to the program and my higher power.

Your question is difficult because you’ve asked for specific dialogue, and I can only tell you what has happened to me. The experiences of other members may be completely different.

I remember sitting down with my sponsor to discuss step 1. I had read the entire book Alcoholics Anonymous and the relevant chapter out of the book 12 Steps and 12 Traditions. Step 1 states, “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol, and that our lives had become unmanageable.”

I recited that to my sponsor and said that I was fully willing to admit my powerlessness. Alcohol had me beat. I was lost. I was hopeless. I was kaput. There. Done. Finished. I’d done step 1. I said that I was ready to move on to step 2.

My sponsor kindly said, “Whoa. Wait a minute. What’s the second half of the sentence?” I repeated, “That our lives had become unmanageable. But my life wasn’t unmanageable. I still had a job. I still had a family. I still had a house, a car, a cat, etc.”

It was then that my sponsor began to ask me some questions. This wasn’t our first conversation, so he knew where to prod me. He asked me about my feelings about my job. I quickly said that I hated it. He began to ask me about my marriage, which I had to admit was a sham because I was a gay man married to a woman. He asked me about my relationships with other people, and I had to admit there were lots of difficulties there, too. In fact, I had few relationships, because they got in the way of my drinking.

After about 5 minutes of questions and answers, the light dawned, and I saw that my life was unmanageable. While the details were different than what I read in the books and heard in the meetings, it had the same effects. My life was a mess.

That was a part of my experience with one of the steps and working it with a sponsor. Eventually, I came to rely on my sponsor for a lot in my life. He helped me make important decisions and little ones, too. I began to rely on him in ways that I didn’t with my therapist whom I kept seeing. My relationship with my sponsor became one of the most important in my life, because I trusted him.

Importantly, he was someone who laid it on the line for me. He was wise in the ways of the steps. He was not emotionally attached to my life, so he could be brutally honest at times. He could tell me when I was lying to myself. He could tell me when I was being prideful or greedy.

Through the process of working the 12 steps, my whole attitude and outlook upon life changed. I couldn’t have done it without the firm hand of a guide, a sponsor. I opened myself up to trust another person, and I gained a whole new life.

( apologize, off subject) @johnpowell good to see you here….was wondering why i had not seen you on the board! Have a good one!

Will not be long before you join that elite group on that “lonely island!”

@hawaii_jake GA! Thank you very much! That is very helpful. Congratulations on 11 years. I am on my third day, and it already seems like years.

@wundayatta It’s one day at a time, my friend, but I promise it gets better.